Every morning she woke with you already there,
Behind her eyes, before the light.
Her hand reached for her phone like a quiet prayer,
Hoping today might hold a sign she mattered tonight.
Not a performance—no grand display,
No speeches dressed in flame.
Just a simple, steady choosing each day,
Just love that showed up wearing her name.
Most days she swallowed the ache and reached back,
Brushing off silence like dust on skin.
Today she would prove she meant every fact
When she said I love you—and stayed all in.
Each day she gave more at your rhythm and pace,
Learning your needs, your careful retreat.
With every offering, she lost a trace
Of the self she once held complete.
It was her nature that led her to hope,
Her softness that learned to wait.
You took what was offered, unsure how to cope,
Unsure how much love you could safely create.
She laid bare her demons from moment one,
Having learned love leaves anyway.
Better to be known before bonds are spun
Than to lose herself later, afraid.
You judged her sometimes, spoke too fast,
Let your thoughts escape unfiltered air.
But you stayed, trying to understand the past,
Trying to learn how to stay there.
You listened to doubts that weren’t her voice,
Closed doors when fear spoke loud.
You left when the weight felt too much to choice,
Then returned softer, vulnerable, bowed.
So she set her terms gently, guarded by hope,
Because loving you never released.
You tried to stand with her, learning to cope,
Walking beside her, not always at peace.
But your presence moved like a trembling tide,
In close, then pulled away.
Afraid of falling before you’d decided,
You named your priorities—trying to stay safe.
You placed them in order, careful and neat,
Work, healing, time, and breath.
She found herself last, not unwanted—just beat
By a heart still afraid of depth.
She shrugged and said, I’m here, I’m in.
Take the time you need to be whole.
Some days she felt held beneath your skin,
Some days she felt the distance take toll.
Then came the echo of a love before,
A shadow you hadn’t outrun.
You admitted the struggle, the guilt it bore,
How unfinished endings still come undone.
Your feelings stretched thin, divided by time,
By memory, grief, and regret.
You cared for her deeply, but couldn’t untwine
The past your heart hadn’t left yet.
She grew restless—not unloving, just tired,
Her love was free but needed ground.
You knew this truth, but you were wired
To fear what you hadn’t yet found.
To be loved without conditions or weight
Felt beautiful—and terrifying too.
You didn’t want to lose her by choosing too late,
Yet choosing felt like something you couldn’t yet do.
And so each night she wished on an eyelash,
A fragile hope balanced on breath.
That you’d wake ready—steady, unafraid, unbrash—
And step fully into the love you’d met.
Because without you, she didn’t know how to be,
And tonight the last eyelash fell from view.
Tomorrow waits quietly, frighteningly free—
She doesn’t know what she’ll do
Jan 20
Jan 20, 2026 at 2:44 AM UTC
I need a cheerleader by my side…
No judgement and unlimited patience
In whose company I can just go to hide
A high tolerance threshold for all my nonsense
I say this in jest, but hear how hope dies with my tone?
I say it in my head…because out loud, I just feel even more alone
Truth be told, I need you to be my cheerleader
To simply rise to the occasion and somersault me with support
I need you to understand my sadness, my joy… but mostly my anger
In moments like these, I am high maintenance and not a good sport
I have tried to do this on my own
I am not a patient person…not at all
I am my worst enemy…let that too be known
I’ll push myself, if only to make me fall
This is not a luxury, it is a necessity
I cannot breathe, I am fully choking
I am imploding in my own intensity
I have no outlet for my screaming
But I will never ask… not anyone, not you
Because if I do…
That need scurries further into the depths of my soul
Leaves me hungering and turns me into a blackhole
Nothing you do, after I ask
Will ever be enough
And so, I leave you with an impossible task
And how can you give when you don’t know any of this stuff?
Dec 3, 2024
Dec 3, 2024 at 6:11 AM UTC
Stomach churning
Knee irking
Weight ballooning
Self-confidence parachuting
Day in day out
It's a scream wanting to shout
A mirror wanting to turn away
As I take in what I am in full dismay
**** me, **** you, **** me
**** me - anger talking
**** you - spite retorting
**** me - desperation joining the party
Technical confusion
Physical contortion
Emotional intrusion
Personal obstruction
And they roll their eyes to the high heaven
Not enough time to deal with the craven
Searching for a misunderstood form of attention
Staring blankly at a familiar scene panic stricken
Eager depression
Making a concession
Slutty self-pity
Throwing itself a party
Where is the intervention
Can someone please stop the obsession?!
Here, there, nowhere, everywhere
Look and you will find anxiety as your au-pair
Babysitting a overactive imagination
Sabotaging a once gentle loving person
Apr 19, 2024
Apr 19, 2024 at 5:08 AM UTC
I took the test
It was positive
I knew what I had to do
But how... when it is illegal to do..
And who...
Who decided to dictate
What a woman
Could do to her own fate
Please, tell me who...
Who believed themselves better
Than a struggling woman
Having to choose to destroy a part of her
I beg you, tell me who...
Who condescended on the pain
Of an incapacitated, cramping, crying woman
Ejecting blood, tissue, a life in vain
I'll tell you who it wasn't
Certainly not the man
Who said 'let's keep it casual'
And walked away with no future plan
A woman torn and a child unborn
Is a story of intimate pain and private loss
Not a tale of judgement and scorn
Not a law for men to gloss and floss
Jan 18, 2024
Jan 18, 2024 at 1:07 PM UTC
You were always there, weren't you?
In the background, silent and comforting
A familiar corner I could crawl back to
Whispering, listening, appealing...
You were that shadow that blocked my sun
I thought it was so I wouldn't have to shade my eyes
Turns out it was because you feared your work would come undone
If I realised that lit up eyes could dry up tears and prevent pained cries
And when I lashed out and slashed myself with hate
You engulfed me with your presence and held on strong
You explored my agony, taught me to worship it and cantillate
You imprinted my weaknesses to my identity and redefined where I belong
I sometimes ran from you
Not knowing we were bound by an elastic
Always bound to recoil back to you
Grief only exists as a static
So now I will learn to live with you
Even if I would rather be on my own
There is power in a tag-team of two
If I can learn how not to be alone
Please don't just grow in my pain
Let's learn to live where joy can reign
I don't fear you fiend, friend, Depression
Let's stop pretending you're a figment of my imagination
I'll introduce you to my friends and family, talk about you more
Maybe that's what you've wanted - not to be silenced anymore
Oct 10, 2022
Oct 10, 2022 at 5:13 AM UTC
Lorenzo is what I call my lupus
Because …. Why not?!
From now on, it’ll be just the two of us
So best commit and tie that knot
Lorenzo was the guy I never noticed
Sometimes trying to give out a sign
And when quiet, never really missed
Resigned to be benign
But every signal missed
Simply lingered and formed a stack
Their evolution was dismissed
So came the revolt…the unprovoked attack
Lorenzo was sad, Lorenzo was mad….Lorenzo wanted to be seen
Depression, anxiety, inflammation - my body on fire
Lorenzo hit and Lorenzo kicked…. I found out he could be mean
Fatigue and ….what was I saying?..panic levels going higher
It took nearly a year but finally I met
him
No longer in shadows haunting my body
Here in the open, Lorenzo didn’t look so grim
Now introduced, it took time but I asked Lorenzo to be my buddy
I asked him to help me know
When what I was doing triggered him
He agreed to be patient and take it slow
He’d stick around and wouldn’t act out on a whim
We sat down in the comfort of our home
I asked him questions he couldn’t answer
Where did he come from?
How long had he been around?
Why hadn’t he wanted to be found?
Did I do something wrong?
Was I going to be sufficiently strong?
Would I ever go back to being fine?
But as he shrugged the questions away
Lorenzo said to me : “at the end of the day
I don’t make you better or worse…
I am with you, for better and worse!”
Oct 31, 2021
Oct 31, 2021 at 3:50 PM UTC