No more loading
The future
With yesterdays past.
As I carry my pain
From shoulder to shoulder
Hooked to an Unresolved past.
I am imprisoned
By my own balance and scales.
Some grand devine plan
As my wounded ego screams
IT'S NOT FAIR
A ruthless world
Full of coldness
That looks conteptious
In one single cutting moment
Shrugs its sholders
Without remorse
Is there no salvation
No judge
no jury
This silence
Can turn into despair
While i run out of time
I watch and cling
To Each desperate plan
As they crumble Whimper
I watch them fall
Down the drain
Tormentened by an invisible clock
Clicks like gunshots over head
Like enemies tanks
I feel thecrelentless
Rolling forward of time
My inflated ego broken
By my own hand
A projected past
With a muddled mind
I lose all hope of redemption
and replace it with my pain
Like the stripped king
Why like job
Did God abandone
And forsake me
There i go again
I am part of some
giant orchestrated plan
Better that than to admit
I can fall short and be human
Eat humble pie
My soul chokes
I cant get it down
This illuision too heavy
The oxygen too thin
As what goes up Must come down
This plane can no longer carry my pain
Hitting the runway of reality
A detented world
My Visions
Explode
Like gasaline
And the worst of all
Theres no going back
But finally
Maybe
There will be no more
loading the future
With yesterdays pain
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 12:18 AM UTC
I reiterate my right to a slow repair.
As disregard can leave footprints in someone's sole.
As they step on flowers that they had once planted.
Like
Telling someone
That you know
is insecure.
After making a promice.
Maybe a misplaced promice
And telling them
"If you have to make a deal to get ***
Your not going to get much in life
are you"
"I guess your right"
I silent whisper
repeats and repeats.
Like a wicked mantra.
Seeded by some demon or devil
Dripping with in a smouldering disdain
It circles and circles
Like dogs around a wounded victim
This might not be the saddest story ever told
But its a momoent of consequence
That shaped me
In a little way
That was not good
Because somethings
Do Matter.
Jan 15
Jan 15, 2026 at 11:53 PM UTC
What if they’re actually wrong.
If you work on yourself meditate
you will find someone's love
and happiness.
What if people connect through their darkness and not their
lightness.
What if the more light you bring
the more they
want to run.
What if ease is just boring.
And coherence just nothing.
That every stress dissolved is another
opportunity gone.
Every issue handled well,
somewhere less for them to hold on.
What if the more you love,
like hot potato,
the more it’s a burden.
What if a polished heart
is just too bright,
holds a perfect mirror.
They all fear like Medusa.
What if the deeper I carve out spaces,
the further away they become.
And the higher spaces I reach,
the less that can follow.
Some say contracts
are made before we are born,
but what if I have none.
What if being chosen
feels a lot more like
Lonely exile.
What if our job is
not to find love
but transmute pain.
Am I to drift from pain to pain
Like the 80s series
Highway to Heaven
Hobo the dog
That kept just moving on
And never finding home.
Because
actually they’re wrong.
Nov 9, 2025
Nov 9, 2025 at 3:51 AM UTC
I pray that these words reach you,
caught and cradled
softly in your heart.
Feathers all around.
May these silent words be spread like nature’s busy bees.
As they reach you on a breeze,
within a humble scarlet bird’s song
floating delicately on a leaf.
Passed along a hedgerow,
rabbit or shrew,
hand by invisible hand,
may a secret fairy whisper
To the barefoot princess,
An elfling
That
YOU ARE
LOVED
You are safe
And
You are free
Sometimes that’s the only way
my love
can
LAND
Slipping through an invisible loop,
as I transition through,
and climbing up
to some hidden higher dimension, cliff top,
as we let emotions transmute
softly in a transcendental flow.
Let it travel through Shivas stillness
along pathways of pure silence.
As we sing with nature's chorus.
Pathway to the divine,
helter-skelter, Jacob’s Ladder.
Let the love of Lord Shiva be your earth.
As the Gods illuminate your path,
and your mother Kaali guides you on your way.
As I pray
that these words
Reach you
Whether you read them or not.
Nov 8, 2025
Nov 8, 2025 at 7:03 PM UTC
Don’t spout this new age self-congratulatory celebration of
be happy alone.
I lived with the unnoticed, far deeper in a desert unknown.
Where those who were loved, accepted,
embraced can never know.
Where sensitivity is a fault,
And care is just a mush
That can’t survive
The dry harsh landscape of desire.
Not next to an oasis,
supported by love and indulgent flesh,
but deep in the dry
desert where few hearts are left,
where self-congratulation is bitten
with sharp teeth and poison.
When hope becomes
like holding molten lead,
as every meeting is a reminder
of what you
can’t have.
As you find you’re
too small,
too short,
too weak,
too poor,
too feminine,
As your over-emotional.
And just care
Too much.
As failure seeps into every cell,
it would be easier to empty the ocean
than to move freely into action.
As there’s no surprise —
yes.
Of course she won’t
validate.
You’re just not a man.
And yes, I guess
I kind of already knew,
right from the beginning.
You’re just not enough.
As in this unknown desert
where my exposed ego burns by day
while the abandoned soul
freezes at night.
As you’re asked that question
why,
like the movies,
do the thirsty in the desert
always spill their drink?
Oct 28, 2025
Oct 28, 2025 at 8:45 AM UTC
There’s no grace here
Just unfulfilled dreams
and missed chances
Please don’t try and crow bar
Another happy ending
Another mirage, not oasis
Into an
impossible escape
Lest I project another goddess
As her holiness
Onto my surrounding
High above
On a mountain
Somewhere out of reach
As I beacon her
With Gods above
I hear the sound of trumpets playing
Doorway to heaven
And angels by her side
But I just see brutal strangers
**** her from behind
It's not just another
Netflix disappointing
It's my devastation
As I have waited
My whole life
By this bus stop
In the rain
Hoping it’s just late
But really
I know
It’s not coming
Because there’s really
No grace here
Oct 15, 2025
Oct 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM UTC
Don't be frightened
Of my pet wound
Please
Don't
Back off
Or shy away
I love him so deeply
Despite all his pain
As he loyally
Follows me
Every
Single
Day
You see,
He is
A rescue case.
Somewhere in a
Forgotten past
Something painful
Something often
Too painful
To talk about
But he tries so very hard
To do it all right.
We are companions
Who traverse this
Tricky land.
And we
Would both
Very much love
To share
Our time
If you would have us.
With our tender edges.
I promise,
He means no harm—
He is just looking
For a missing part.
Looking into his eyes
You will see something soft
Not scary
Just insecure.
I know he has his hackles up,
Is a little bit yappy,
Even nippy...
But he means no harm.
Underneath all those prickles
Are feelings
So very sweet
And deep.
But honestly,
I understand—
If you need to walk,
No need to even talk,
It’s not your pain.
Because he feels
A little bit sore—
But he means no harm.
Though you stretch my heart
In ways so very profound,
I feel my essence
Spilling.
So I gently
Ask—
Please don't be frightened
Of my
Pet
Wound.
Aug 18, 2025
Aug 18, 2025 at 7:57 AM UTC
Why can’t you look at me
That is all I ask
Not to fix
Not to save
After all my crying
And all my trying
All I ask
Is please look
Are you even listening
When I say
I have tried absolutely everything
Hold me in your heart
Please don’t turn around
Please
Just look
Let no empty promises
Platitude, and platitudes
Like raindrops fall
Into empty hollow
As we all know
This uncertain world
Listen
Please
Listen
When I say
I am broken
Because all you do
Is gaslight
And pretend
That there’s
No problem
Please don’t tell me
It can be fixed
When you haven’t
Got
A clue
When I describe
A problem
Next time
Please stick with me
And hold on
Carry me in a gaze
Because it’s just my
Little way of saying
I just need
Someone’s
Loving
Aug 6, 2025
Aug 6, 2025 at 10:11 PM UTC
Be careful who you trust
Nothing more deadly
Than good intentions
Dipped in blindness
Nothing more dangerous than
Care without wisdom
The evil intent hides within the platitudes of the unaware
It hides like lions
Secretly in long grass
The archetypal wolf
In sheep’s clothing
They prey on your weakness
Their favourite victims
Are the young
The silent assassin
Predators creeping through the night
They Stealthily stalk your soul
The thief slowly strangling you whole
They seek to carve your soul
With knives like butchers
Hidden in friendly gestures
With the soft threads
Of a spider’s lair
They build a sticky prison
Laced with poetic thorn
The worst of all
They ask
Abandoned self
And we will love you more
As weak men
Love to shepherd
The strong
To quench their unconscious jealous
As some people wish to steer your choices
Because you trigger their own
As sme people wish to crush your ambition
Because they buried their own
A conqueror's hidden fear
But let your inner guide shine
Let the Lord God guide us home
To a promised land
Where there's no
Guilt, fear, or shame
As I push back
Not to hate
But to love
Love for self
As my soul whispers
With a silent growl
NO
A deadly stare
That can see into night
I pierce falsehood with soft glare
Not to fright
But to say I am here
Like a leopards spots
The more they rub
The more I shine
As I stand in truth
My real
Authentic self
Aug 1, 2025
Aug 1, 2025 at 9:59 PM UTC
Dear Mother Kali
Thank you
For blessing me
With your loving child
For however long
And however short
And let me love her
How she needs
Not how I want
Be the guileless guide
The sail that meets her sea
For I am a missing piece
But to a different puzzle
Let me understand
I do not need to be
Congruent or aligned
There's a beauty in
The authentic blind
And though I do not fit
Let me meet life
Where it touches
And love from where I stand
As I meet life
Where it needs me
Not by ego design
For I am the Cathedral
That never got quite finished
Like they say
A work in progress
But just because there's
Gaps in the roof
It does not mean
On this sunny day
My Heart cant sing.
Jul 12, 2025
Jul 12, 2025 at 3:08 AM UTC