i am not
my mother’s daughter
she is horselike
she is free
she is constant and steady
she is strong
i am
a rabbit
i am
scattered
imprisoned
trapped
i freed myself
i’ll never look back again
Jun 9, 2023
Jun 9, 2023 at 12:02 PM UTC
oh god, your eyes are so pretty.
i'm not sure if you realize it.
they're this light brown,
like toasted hazelnuts.
and every time i fall into them,
i just know i wouldn't mind if
you killed me.
so light your cigarette
on the end of mine
and look at me like you have no idea
what you do to me.
so pin me to the wall
and kiss me like you're drowning
and look at me with those eyes
and that smirk of yours
that says you know you're right.
you know i'm the one drowning.
so leave tomorrow morning,
sunlight pooling like melted chocolate
in the sheets that smell like you
and break me when you do.
i don't know myself without you, and that's why
being alone is better than being with you.
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 12:48 PM UTC
there is a fine line between life and death,
and I would like nothing more than to walk it with you.
Feb 22, 2021
Feb 22, 2021 at 7:18 PM UTC
here lies the boy who gave too much,
the boy that could have been someone’s prince,
in another life,
in another world,
on your throne made
of thin glass.
your silver medal is the chain around your neck,
it’s crucifixion,
standing trial by fire,
rosaries and scars, and ashes, ashes, we all fall down,
we’ve all got rotten posies in our pockets.
you fell from grace when you least expected it,
a sinner and a heartbreaker,
instead of the saint and healer you wanted to be.
with a soul in your hand and a smirk on your lips,
you held me close with no idea how to love.
but you wanted to, oh, I know you did, you ached for it,
felt It in your bones,
and your heart,
and your beautiful mind.
you built your love on lies and texts and late-night calls,
your calculated chaos too thin to hold your weight
and mine.
the third time I lost you, I was gone before I could finish the story.
Nov 17, 2020
Nov 17, 2020 at 6:41 PM UTC
I am from screens and bright machines
that show whole new worlds
that I use to pretend I’m
not living in this one.
I am made of the sharp smell
of artificial apples and cinnamon
burning your throat as you breathe it in
like secondhand smoke.
I am made of lonely days
spent on my phone
pretending to laugh when people say or send something
because I know they need the ego boost.
I am made of late nights
when I shut my phone off
and I start to cry
because I know that no one thinks about me after I go.
I am made of hours spent huddled
as my brother spits vitriol at my parents
and they take it with willing ears and become submissive dogs
with tails between their legs.
I am made of hellfire
carefully bottled up
until someone pushes me to the edge
and I am ready to ****
I am of thousands of cups of black coffee
sobbed over at three am
alone in my kitchen
hands searing, but refusing to let go.
I am from carefully counting every dollar
wondering when
I am allowed
to leave this town.
I am from four am walks
alone through the town
taking in the sights
and praying the sun will rise.
There’s a shattered hand mirror in my room.
Broken glass litters the cold dark marble
and teardrops drip all over the shards,
because even in all of these things that I am,
I am still not good enough for myself.
Oct 1, 2020
Oct 1, 2020 at 10:03 AM UTC
don't let them see your hurt.
smile politely, keep your chin up, and walk away.
even if you're crying on the inside.
Aug 12, 2020
Aug 12, 2020 at 12:54 AM UTC
maybe if I learn how to keep
my mouth shut
I’ll finally be happy.
Aug 9, 2020
Aug 9, 2020 at 3:38 PM UTC