things aren’t ever so simple
i admit i was naive to think
i had my life figured out
deep down i wasn’t happy
putting on a fake smile
convincing myself i didn’t crave
more
i’ve never been one to take a leap
jump off the cliff
reach outside my comfort zone
i lost a lot in my life
that i didn’t plan on losing
i held on so tightly
to what i had left
the familiar
the comfortable
until i let myself
let it all go
here i am starting over
with nothing left to lose
nothing left
holding me back
in the destruction of it all
i’m finally learning
to see myself
to understand myself
maybe i’m not who i thought i was
maybe i’m so much more
maybe i’m fluid
maybe i’m ever-changing
maybe i’m finally learning to be
who i was meant
to be
and that’s all that matters
in the end
Nov 25, 2022
Nov 25, 2022 at 1:40 AM UTC
sometimes i wonder
how my life would have turned out
if i had looked the other way,
chose a different school,
a different city,
introduced myself to the person
staring across the room
maybe i would be this
entirely different person
with a cooler haircut
and more friends
who always knew what she wanted
and wasn’t afraid to do
whatever it took to get it
she would be the life of the party
with the brightest smile
and most contagious laugh
the one everyone felt drawn to
as soon as she walked into the room
she would be confident
and unapologetic
i wonder if she would have liked me
if we would be friends
i wonder if there’s a part of her in me
deep down
just waiting to come out
and prove me wrong
if i gave her the chance
May 7, 2021
May 7, 2021 at 11:35 PM UTC
we walk around with
heavy loads on our backs
and weights in our hearts
threatening our collapse
at any moment
it wasn't always like this
at one point in time
we were free, we were pure
navigating the world
through rose-tinted glasses
somewhere along the way
we stumbled upon someone
or something
that cracked our spirit
and left us with scars
the scars never left
no amount of time
was enough to heal
and in the end
we can either let them
make us scared and angry
at the world, at life
unwilling to try again
or we can persist
though the pain
if we fall we can get back up
we can learn to bloom
in the midst of struggle
we can learn how to live
with the traumas
we can learn
how to be
invincible
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 11:30 PM UTC
I’ve lived my life
believing that I could fix anything
and more importantly,
anyone
My life has been surrounded
with troubled people
with troubling situations
and a need for healing
A need for someone like me
who would be there no matter what
holding their hand through the darkness
until they got out
onto the other side
But for some reason,
something broke inside of you
something changed
and I’m slowly realizing
that I cannot fix it
Maybe there’s a difference between
being broken
and being so shattered
that I can’t even recognize you long enough
to understand what went wrong
or how we ended up here
and I’ll be stupid enough to hold on to you
hoping day after day
that I can still fix it
until the shattered pieces of your being
seep into my soul
and slowly shatter me
too
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC
you convinced me
to fall for you
and then you
watched me
hit the ground
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 11:50 PM UTC
How ironic it is
to want something so bad
that the moment you have a chance at it
it suddenly doesn’t mean half as much
It’s as if your purpose
stemmed from your yearning
and all you had to do was have it in reach
for everything to fall in place
So what do you do when
everything is still in pieces
The thing you were dreaming about
ends up different than your fantasies
You end up so focused on the finish line
that you don’t realize
that the path you neglected on the way
might make you happier
Maybe that’s the way we are
Constantly chasing after the next thing
to keep our hearts pumping double speed
Instead of finding the satisfaction
in stability
Or maybe this is me
getting exactly what I asked for
and realizing that I never wanted it
in the first place
Maybe I’m finally realizing
that I’m better off without you
That I can make myself happier
than you ever could
than you ever will
Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 3:04 AM UTC
I’ve been holding on
just to see if maybe
you’d pull me out
on the other side
But I’m not strong
and I can’t hold up
my limp body
I can feel my hands
slipping off the edge
I’m falling now
I can feel the pain as
I wait to hit the ground
as I watch the light
turn to darkness
You watch me
You let me
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 1:19 AM UTC
I know that it's hard
You can feel the anger and frustration rising up from your core
unsure of whether it will seep out of your eyes or your lungs
You're not sure how to react
Do you tear down everything in sight
or do you crawl into bed for the rest of the week
letting yourself fall into darkness
The reality is, you'll do both
Some days you'll want to yell at the top of your lungs
You'll want to throw rocks at windows
rip all your pictures and throw them in the fire
And on other days you'll want to be left alone
in the warm comfort of your bed
with a box of tissues and the saddest music you can find
I know you don't understand why it had to be you
Why you had to be the one to feel so broken
Out of all the people in the world
What did you ever do to deserve this
You'll feel tempted to blame yourself
for the hurt caused by someone else
It's not your fault
It's not your responsibility to control their actions
The fact is, you can't change what happened
As much as you want to, you can't turn back time
What's done is done
Now you're left in the rubble
I know that that's not fair
Nothing seems fair enough
Everything will hurt
Getting up in the morning with a fake smile
Watching the people in your life so full of joy
Forcing yourself to do anything but wallow in pity
It's not easy
You need to give yourself more credit
I know that when you say you're doing okay
you probably aren't, and that's okay
It won't be okay for a while
I wish I could tell you it will but that's not true
It will **** today, tomorrow and the next day after that
You'll have happy days, but you won't be happy
You may not believe it or even want to hear this but
at some point, you'll wake up and it'll hurt a little less
At the end of the day, you are the person you're left with
You will learn how to let yourself feel better
because if you don't, who will?
You don't deserve to feel sad forever
You deserve the chance for happiness
You deserve it all
Mar 22, 2018
Mar 22, 2018 at 11:07 PM UTC
How can you say you love yourself
but still go around
hurting others
Mar 19, 2018
Mar 19, 2018 at 2:48 PM UTC
We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love
We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away
When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from
We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you
You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you
And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love
Mar 18, 2018
Mar 18, 2018 at 3:25 PM UTC