not to proclaim my identity as an artist, but if i were to, you’d be the muse
ur love takes me the farthest
that i’d ever go
ur eyes, resembling the soft blades we walk on, so sweet, making u my muse
ur smile, lips curling up at me like i’m all you’ve ever seen, making u my muse
ur words, slipping out with ease, so gentle, like i could do no wrong, making u my muse
ur touch, so rare, so indescribable, desirable, making u my muse
ur heart, beating at the perfect rhythm, keeping u alive
making u my muse
who else could be my muse but u?
the beauty in u is everlasting
igniting the creativity in me
how could u not be my muse?
when in admiration of u,
i’m on top of the world
of course ur my muse
knowing i’m for u,
ur for me,
and that maybe
i’m ur muse too
& not that i’m an artist, but u r quite the muse.
Apr 4, 2022
Apr 4, 2022 at 9:38 AM UTC
i used to write
but carving stanzas in my skin feels better now
i can’t form the thoughts
or get the words out
so i let the blood spill instead
each drop is a rhyme my brain can’t find
i was never meant to last a long time
i wear pants all year round
i keep it to myself because
these kinds of poems feel so good it hurts
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 1:40 PM UTC
i am not enough
not enough for u
not enough for me
i want to help u
but i dont even know where to begin
i will never be enough
to heal ur broken soul
in other words, to heal mine
Aug 16, 2020
Aug 16, 2020 at 1:41 AM UTC
i hurt myself because i have control.
u can't reach me.
ur fingernails cant shatter my glass skin anymore.
i hurt myself because at least i know i gave myself consent.
i didnt give u consent.
u broke every promise u ever made me and i should have known from the start that u would take me away from myself.
u know, i accepted the love that i thought i deserved.
i am nothing.
i am
nothing but nothing.
i am nothing because i cannot escape u,
i cannot escape ur words,
i cannot escape ur screams,
ur "shut up and let it happen",
ur "i know u want it"
why wasn't i strong enough?
why didnt i think ahead?
i hurt myself because it makes ur hurt a little less strong.
i take pieces of my heart away from myself as if u haven't already taken away all of me.
u took me.
u took my feelings of genuine love and forgiveness and u ******* buried them.
so i hurt myself,
because maybe if i hurt myself enough u won't have the ability to do it urself.
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 6:41 PM UTC
u forgot my birthday,
it was never love, & that’s okay
Apr 9, 2020
Apr 9, 2020 at 5:49 PM UTC
i’m not ur soul mate,
but i’m jealous that someone else gets to smell u on their skin.
i’m jealous that someone gets to laugh at ur jokes,
& smile knowing that u mean it when u call them beautiful.
i’ll never forget that time we sat in the taco bell parking lot for 4 hours laughing & talking.
& u screamed at that spider in ur car,
but i just picked it up & gently put it outside.
u always were so sarcastically dramatic,
u were so funny.
i get upset,
knowing that u never would have made me happy,
because i do not know why,
i just know that i never would have been fulfilled.
u told me i broke u,
i made u give up.
u told me that i was ur soul mate,
that i was the most precious & special girl you’d ever meet,
u told me that u could spend ur life twirling my curls around ur fingers.
u told me i was smart & that i could do anything with my life.
i should have held on,
because i had love.
u loved me.
but i pushed u away
because i never would have loved u,
& i am sorry.
i’m sorry that i couldn’t give u the world u deserved.
i want to smell u one last time,
u always smelled so nice,
u always used the cologne i liked the best.
u adored me.
i adored the way u made me feel,
but not u.
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 9:13 PM UTC
i talked to you for the first time in months. like really, really talked to you. and it felt so weird because we weren’t saying i love you. we weren’t planning what time i was coming over. we weren’t arguing about who was cuter, or who loved who more, or arguing about stupid little things. and i guess it was weird because i was okay with it. you do all of those things with her now, and i do all of those things with him. its weird because we used to be so in love. my heart craved you and every bit and piece of you. my body ached for yours to be with it. my mind wandered, looking around for yours. but now, it doesn’t. and oh, the tears i cried. my heart was indeed broken. and i suppose that means i truly loved you.
the first time i saw you, you were hugging another girl. and i had no clue that in the following months after that that we would just happen to stand next to each other at that game. i had just played, and smelled awful, you didnt care. i didnt know that we’d go to the pumpkin patch and pick out pumpkins together, i didn’t know we’d have food fights in your kitchen, or word search competitions with your family. i didnt know we’d pull all nighters just cause we never wanted to stop talking to each other, or that we’d trade clothes, or kiss in the hallways, or have cuddle fights. i didnt know we’d cry together as we watched stupid movies. i didnt know we’d fall in love like we did. i never thought we would.
the last time i saw you, you were sitting in front of me. i wondered how you were doing, truly. i wondered how your dad was, and your mom, how her students were, especially the one with the same name as you. the one that wrote you a letter about salad being party food. i wondered if your beautiful green eyes still looked just as magnificent in the sunlight as they did that day we went ice skating. i wondered if you look at her how you used to look at me.
yesterday night we reminisced. we talked about old times. old inside jokes. old memories. we talked about your new girl, and my new guy. we didnt talk about your dad and how he’s doing, or how mine is. we didnt say “ i love you”, we didnt talk on the phone all night, we didn’t argue about who was cuter. we are not in love anymore. we have both moved on. yesterday i told you we should catch up more often. yesterday you told me you had watched a movie we made a bet about months ago, and i lost. but the truth is, you, darling, are the one that lost. you gave up on me, and for that i forgive you. but i want you to know that though i lost that bet, you lost when you let me walk away.
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 22, 2020 at 6:51 PM UTC
i wonder if i called u, if u would pick up the phone.
i wonder if i asked u to, if u would come home.
home to me.
i wonder if i was the first real something u had.
i wonder if u will remember my birthday.
i wonder how ur dad is doing.
i saw ur sister the other day.
i wonder if ur eyes still look green as shining grass in the sunlight.
i wonder if we truly r meant to be.
i wonder if u wish u kept ur promises.
i wonder if u remember our anniversary.
i forgot ur middle name.
i wonder if u remember mine.
i wonder if u found ur peace.
i wonder if ur happy.
i wonder if u still feel my body pressed against urs.
do u still remember november 22nd,
i wonder if u still know that's the first day u told me u loved me.
i wonder if u wonder,
what could have been?
i wish i could still fall to my slumber hearing ur voice.
i wish i could hear about ur day, still,
i wish i could see ur soul, still,
i wish i knew ur regrets,
ur new experiences,
still,
i wish i was next to u.
i wonder if u have love for me like i always will for u,
still,
i still love u.
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 22, 2020 at 6:37 PM UTC
i don’t want to **** my self,
i just want to fall asleep & not wake up.
i don’t want it to be painful,
i don’t want to cut my wrists.
i just want silence.
i want the crazy to shut the **** up.
my head is insane,
i am filled with space.
i’m paralyzed,
i’m numb.
when did i become so empty?
i don’t want to **** myself,
but i don’t want to be alive.
Jan 21, 2020
Jan 21, 2020 at 10:04 AM UTC