all is better in time
ill be okay with not knowing
why it was never enough for you
even though i think of you time to time
at least its not consuming my every moment anymore
each day that goes by
i realize more
how much i never needed you
like i thought i did
Apr 7, 2020
Apr 7, 2020 at 6:06 PM UTC
I haven't been happy in a while
but today I felt the sun hug my skin so closely
and that was enough to make today worth a little something
Apr 7, 2020
Apr 7, 2020 at 5:53 PM UTC
and what did i ever do
to deserve such beauty
that can influence my thoughts
so easily that it’s addictive?
and sometimes it’s a dream
other times it’s my reality
because if i want to wake up happy i can
it’s an easy walk through north philly
to get to you
and even when i’m missing you i still
can feel the way your chest moves in and out
because it’s rhythm
makes me feel more relaxed than anything else
ever could
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 5:10 PM UTC
you are so unaware
of your significance
and while you might believe
that i have many passions
i find you to be
the most intriguing
and i like to practice
the way i love
on your lips
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 2:26 PM UTC
And even on the days when we don't love,
I ran do it alone.
I am able to when you order food.
I am able to when you accidentally see old faces.
I am able to when you say you don't need me to anymore.
Jul 25, 2017
Jul 25, 2017 at 10:02 PM UTC
there are 22 stoplights
between you and i
and one day i stopped at all of them
it felt exhilarating knowing i had to innocently wait even longer
just to hear
your bed creek
at our every move
May 2, 2017
May 2, 2017 at 1:20 PM UTC
loving you is like how a car can crash into a tree on kettle run rd at 1:49 am on a thursday night in january.
a journey, progressing quickly. very quickly. 2 and a half months or 94 mph, (you decide).
a rush of energy, traveling instantaneously. so instantaneous that windows and hair are both down and every second spent gets its own little freedom.
an impact, all at once. maybe its emotions, pain, or a mix of both but i can feel all in less than a single, lonely second.
the aftermath, that would be worth grieving over. the nights of sitting on my bed thinking about where you are, who you’re with or if you’re able to breathe. i usually end my nightly thoughts by remembering how you were finally able to pick the drugs over me.
you needed me. I needed you to hurt me. you drove me. you made me hurt.
our car crashed.
Mar 21, 2017
Mar 21, 2017 at 10:28 AM UTC
day 1
i first noticed the way your lips cave in. it happened when you said hello to me. and again when you said goodbye
day 3
nonstop smiley faces in the texts you sent me
day 6
you held my hand, you kissed me
day 7
one week went by and you already invited me to your house. i showed up unaware that i was going to meet your parents. i found out later you planned for this to happen. i mean as soon as i walked into your house, your mom pulled into the driveway.
day 8
you showed me around your town. where your first kiss was. where you slept one night when your dad kicked you out.
day 12
i remember how you came to my house, waited outside and called me on the phone to ask what i was doing. i told you that i was reading. you said to bring the book with me. i asked where we were going and after a few seconds of silence, you turned on the radio to my favorite band and innocently said, “i don't know”
day 23
you saw me play my music live for the first time. afterwards, you said i was the most talented girl you’ve ever met
day 26
you took me to 5 museums in one day. i learned a lot. well, about you
day 31
i found out that dogs make you happy. also that you’re allergic to bees and you have a birthmark on the left side of your lower back
day 56
you told me that letting go isn't the same as giving up, but that its the opposite of holding on
day 62
i was stressed. you came over, held me, and played guitar for awhile. i layed there and listened with my eyes closed
day 103
you said, “im just in love with the way you say my name” i responded by well, saying your name
day 111
you said, “this is realest thing ive ever had in my life”
day 122
i loved you
day 123
i loved you
day 124
i loved you even more
day 179
we spent the night on the beach. it wasn’t a typical family beach, or a place where you could to go with friends. we found it ourselves, we loved it and we made it ours
day 200
when i was little, my mom would always tell me to love without limits and on this day, i realized that you were the only reason i was able to succeed one of her expectations
day 240
i realized the amount of times you called went from twice a day to once, but only even numbered days of the month. the odd numbered ones you didn’t call at all. it was okay thoug. when we did talk, it was worth every minute of waiting
day 261
when i hadn’t heard from you in precisely 49 hours, i decided to call your mother. she said you have been spending a lot of time at school, that i shouldn’t worry about you or anything
day 279
i went to the drug store, bought 5 bars of your favorite candy and then went straight to your house but you weren’t there so i left them in your mailbox
day 280
no call
day 281
no call
day 282
no call
day 283
you called me. well, for 2 minutes. -hi! how are you -good -how was your day today? -good
day 296
i still loved you
day 304
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half
day 305
i hadn’t heard from you in a week and a half plus a day
day 328
i was going through some old cardboard boxes that i keep underneath my bed, i found one that had pictures we took together. you looked happy and i was in love with how happy you were
day 330
i decided to go to our beach but when i got there it was covered in trash so i left
day 340
i never missed anything more than the sight of seeing you dancing around in an empty parking lot
day 341
i decided to get in my car and drive without a destination. it was the closest way to get to you
day 362
i still loved you
day 363
i still loved you
day 364
i really still did love you
day 365
i did the opposite of holding on. i let go
Feb 2, 2017
Feb 2, 2017 at 12:02 PM UTC
i never realized how much i liked being alone until i was, you know, like 6 years old.
maybe it’s the silence, or the fact that no one else can bother my thoughts but i am still just as attracted to being alone as i am to the way the snow will rest on the branches of trees... or that boy i see at that coffee shop every so often
but i mean usually people talk about loneliness like it’s a bad thing, but they have to realize that for me, the amount of people that i have in my life times 1000 plus a million (and lets through parenthesis somewhere in there) is not even the amount of miles it takes to get to just the moon. or the amount of minutes i would love to spend by myself aimlessly doing nothing other than trying to survive in my own thoughts.
i want you to know that i’m actually perfectly okay. i realize my parents worry about the increasing amount of time i spend not speaking to them and they worry about when i wont even say hello to my dog when i come home at 2:48 am 3 nights in a row but really i promise im okay
if promises were like hearts do you think they would cause the same amount of heartaches? i mean i never really cared about getting my heartbroken because then again, it allows me to be by myself more
i used to believe in a theory that if everyone got their hearts broken at the same point in time, nobody would be able to feel anything
now i only can believe in the feeling that i get when im driving in my car- you guessed it, alone, on a one way road with no stop signs because it is the only time when i can feel something without anyone else noticing
sometimes, spending time with people i love makes the urges to be alone harder to deal with. i know im supposed to want to go out and do things with others, but when the opportunities come, my mind is the gas pedal and my body is the break. or the other way around... i dont know for sure because ive never really had the time to figure it out yet but all i know is that the relief of how my blankets hold me at the end of the night makes it worth the torture
Jan 30, 2017
Jan 30, 2017 at 4:49 PM UTC
when i met you, i felt as if you were the only soul that would ever matter to me anymore
kinda like how juliet was completely in awe with romeo or how cleopatra would do anything to see antony.
the times when you ask me to go to a midnight movie or to go see some metal band that i have never heard of
remind me of that feeling got when you were a kid, you know, when your mom finally caved in after you asked her a countless amount of times for a candy bar while grocery shopping
when i was learning about everything you love, it was our first drive. it was the best drive cause we didn’t have a destination
when i was learning to trust you, i never thought id feel anything other than the security that the drive to my house every night gave me
when i loved you, you taught me that letting go isn't the same as giving up, and that its the opposite of holding on
my mom would always tell me to love without limits and you were the only reason i was able to succeed one of her expectations
when i was losing you, i was jealous of the streetlights that got to hold you. all of you. you showed me that I would never care about anyone this much
when i lost you, i lost everything. when you left, everything left.
Jan 30, 2017
Jan 30, 2017 at 4:39 PM UTC