my rage was inherited
as much as it was taught
wrapped around my ribcage
like ivy on stone
i feel it weighing me down
like lead in my bones
i tried to push it down
but i was minutes from bursting
ive become a volcano
from a bloodline im cursing
i hate angry men
i think its projection
all the men who ever hit me
taught me about deflection
now they live in my head
the devil on my shoulder
I try to bite my tongue
but I’m holding down boulders
I have to protect the girl inside of me
from her own worst enemies
and I don’t have the privilege
to drown it out with ketamine
so my rage is inherited
it’s everything I hate
I told the townspeople to run
but I think it’s too late
Jul 31, 2025
Jul 31, 2025 at 1:00 PM UTC
some nights you say things that stay in my brain
like that you can’t replace me
and no one else makes you feel the same
some nights i feel like you’re right there
a million miles away from me but
i feel you everywhere
but some days you disappear
some days there’s nothing worth saying
im so happy when you come back
until i remember you’re not staying
so i guess i get confused
on if i want to be farther or closer
i cant leave you where you’re at
until you give me closure
and maybe ill wish upon a star
or pick a four leaf clover
whatever i need to do
to stop this from being over
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 10:26 AM UTC
pathological manipulation in everyone I meet
who leave out the blueprints for calculated schemes
predisposed schizophrenia and incessant need to win
feels like fiberglass blood breaking through velvet skin
im scared all I inherited was my dads brain
and what my mom meant to pass on, was left in her grave
my boyfriend told me im selfish, I deserve the blame
but my ********* laugh only exposed my pain
i think the principle of sufficient reason is a form of psychosis
looking for signs from invisible beings so we don’t feel hopeless
but yeah, call it religion, it rolls of the tongue better
when I asked God what he thought, he never answered my letter
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 10:21 AM UTC
it started out with word games,
that should’ve been a sign,
you won every game of anagrams,
I didn’t know what was on the line,
I bet I could’ve won if I really tried,
but the red flags look pink when you’re colorblind
I said it and I meant it, I really will be fine
my attachment issues are no fault but mine
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 10:19 AM UTC
some nights are easy, i see all of the signs
that show me what I don’t have, I am sure to find
but some nights are melancholic
hyper focused on relations forged to be platonic,
and it’s ironic.
im ironic.
you sold me the story and I bought it.
I thought I fought this.
but when the signs lead back to you,
what am I supposed to do?
and now I worry my messages won’t even come through.
yeah it’s ironic,
i can’t stop it.
no matter how hard I try to block it.
it follows me from guy to guy, the demons i run from i always find,
but im fine,
it’s fine.
really I don’t even mind.
we can just talk from time to time.
you can think im crazy because
i can’t communicate right.
but I try.
i swear i try.
a symbiotic semi ****** far too nonchalant nightmare on my phone,
dripped in silver linings i pickaxe out of stone to subdue the fear of being alone.
and you know.
don’t you know?
and you give me nothing but just enough so I don’t go
but every word you say is thickly coated in your ego
it’s a game im always losing,
and a choice that you’re not choosing,
the same flower that was blooming
is now rotten petals from my assuming
its ironic.
i swore it was platonic.
but this ache is catatonic
the way i crave you is chronic
how can the two be synchronic?
i carry love like it’s astronomic
i never said it, but i thought it
maybe im the one who’s toxic
i count on you to disappear,
you never let me down.
i wish you’d just tell me,
you’ll always come back around.
how sad does that sound?
the hidden meanings ive found?
you painted me red and wondered why i looked like a clown.
i just laugh. im the joke.
i don’t get it so i smoke.
you are like a door stopper that’s always in my way.
i can never slam the door closed so i have to sit with my rage.
and my nostalgia is milk that’s soured with age.
a nightmare i masochistically recreate,
and then complain that I can’t escape
so I find new malignancy that I can blame.
to match a new frequency I can alternate,
a virus that consumes all of my drive space,
baby blue flowers in an empty landscape
I said you can’t hurt me,
but you knew I couldn’t
stop it.
i found the vulture,
inside of the ostrich.
and you found the victim
inside of the goddess.
i can’t help
but find that ironic.
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 10:19 AM UTC
the tarot readers say
the things I want to hear
they say you’re coming back to me
and that you have fear
you don’t think I’d take you back
and that’s why you don’t text
it has nothing to do with the fact
I’m not inside your head
No I believe the tarot readers
They know what they’re talking about
They tell me you miss me so bad
you can’t even say it out loud
And maybe it’s true you’d find that insane
But if you’re looking for me, I commented claim
I am at the end of your road
Waiting on you to come home
And if you really miss me
You’ll know where to go
And I am on my phone,
waiting for your text
If you really missed me
I’d be answering it instead.
So why do the tarot readers
say you’re coming back?
If you were on your way to me,
Wouldn’t I know that?
But they shuffle the deck and
I believe what they say
Because it’s easier to believe
That you’re just on your way
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 11:46 PM UTC
she doesn't know what she has,
what it's worth,
or how bad i want it.
but she will
when she loses it.
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 11:24 PM UTC
you wear and break me down,
like your favorite pair of shoes,
running through the mud,
in a race you’ll always lose,
as dusk falls and you're on the chase
I will be the one who always gets a taste,
and as your soft strides clap
against the ground,
It is always me that you are putting down,
one step farther-
it's suddenly so clear to me.
Your favorite shoes are not the ones
on your feet
They are the ones that are never worn, but somehow always showed off.
The ones in your closet, that never come out of the box.
They have never felt pavement or grass
They have never felt free
And in all the ways I’ve been yours,
I still wish that was me.
I wish I was the one caged up if that’s what it means to be loved.
Instead of the one slammed to the ground with every lunge.
While your real favorite shoes, wish to be me, worn to their soles, but feeling the breeze.
To be used is not to be loved; but to be loved is to be used
And how sad must I be to compare myself to shoes?
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 11:20 PM UTC
why does time freeze
at the age of seventeen
and instead of resuming
you just wake up at 23
wondering how six years
passed in one night
and when you gave up
on all your big dreams
the way adults do it’s just
what we do
we give up and we complain
and we’re so good at dancing
with disdain but at
17 I had some soul left
and something to give
I wonder where it went and if
simply being alive is
all it takes to live?
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 11:18 PM UTC
There is something so human about looking in the mirror
Poking and prodding at every detail trying to figure out how other people see you
There is something so human about crying yourself to sleep
And hating when you can’t sleep and can only cry
Or waking up early to the sunlight laying on top of you making a pattern of your bedroom floor,
The early morning glow makes you smile to yourself
And you never notice;
You never notice all of the little beautiful parts of being a person
That you may never get to experience again
The way that people look at you when you’re not looking
The moments of remembering who you used to be and realizing that it isn’t you anymore
Your favorite jeans ripping or not fitting and being so angry because you don’t think you’ll ever find another pair of jeans that fit that good
Realizing you haven’t associated him with that song in years,
Realizing you haven’t thought of him in years.
Wondering if your parents would be proud.
Being sad if they wouldn’t be.
That feeling makes you want to try harder- be better.
The human experience is so surreal and so slow and sticky and sad but it’s so bright and warm and beautiful like a summer sky or dew soaked grass in the early dawn
There is so much beauty and pain and love and hate that comes with being a person
There is so many feelings you don’t even realize
There is not just happy and sad and angry
There is the feeling of a Tuesday afternoon when you realize you have hope for the first time in years
The feeling of a clean kitchen after procrastinating dishes for weeks
The feeling of a scalding hot shower in the winter and a freezing cold shower in the summer
That park you dream about even though you only went once
The smells that bring back memories
Sunscreen and Victoria’s Secret perfume and there is just something about pine that brings it all back
You take advantage of this life you were gifted simply because you don’t remember asking for it,
But you did,
You begged to feel everything fully even if sometimes it hurts
You begged to see it all in 3D and experience it all inside of the vessel that is your body and here you are, with everything you ever wanted — and you are crying over jeans that don’t fit
And I am not mad at you for it
It’s part of the experience
But someone has to tell you
There are a million jeans that will fit better
A million smiles that’ll spark a fire
A million memories built up inside of you, that only you know,
And a million reasons why
The human experience
Is what we’re all chasing
And running from
And that is what we all share
That makes us so human.
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 10:52 PM UTC