I guess after a while it did stop hurting.
A few months, then a year..
I’ve been trying to get a grip, but
It doesn’t mean I don’t need you here.
Anytime I listen to metal,
Or when I’m staring blankly across the room.
I get this pit inside my chest,
You left me much too soon.
No one is ever ready to lose someone,
Nothing will ever prepare you.
It doesn’t just get easier,
I’ve just become numb too.
When I say it “stopped hurting,”
I just mean that I’m empty.
I wish that I could’ve saved you,
I didn’t see the cries until you left me.
The day I heard, I fell into myself.
I was working and began to cry.
I had to leave the office that day,
I’m pretty sure you probably saw why.
Somedays I imagine you’re still here,
Joking with me about the old days.
I wish I could still talk to you,
Or push you in the hallway.
Missing you comes in waves,
Most days I am doing alright.
Other days not so much,
That’s why I’m crying here tonight.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 9:03 PM UTC
I will never try to convince you to love me
I will never climb mountains for you to see me
I won't waste effort on someone who
Will never match effort for me
You will never find someone who loves you
How I could have loved you so deeply
You will never find someone who cares
As much as I could have for you
Every day I walk alone I'll be stronger
Every time I walk alone I will see
Every day I walk alone it'll be worth it
Because I'm not with the one who's not meant for me
I'd much rather be here alone
Than with someone who doesn't deserve my company
Dec 29, 2016
Dec 29, 2016 at 6:34 PM UTC
Day one,
I made the mistake
Of thinking this stupid
Idea would be fun.
Day two,
I already forgot what it's like
To go on living my **** life
Without you.
Day three,
You've got no idea,
How hard it is too forget you,
And you've got no problem forgetting me.
Day four,
I'm going crazy sitting here
Thinking what if, could it be,
But I can't do this **** anymore.
Day five,
I lay in bed, dreaming of you
Thoughts dancing in and out,
You make me feel so alive.
Day six,
Holy **** Ive always loved you.
I can't keep doing this to myself.
All you're doing is playing mind tricks.
Day seven,
You're fading. I stopped trying.
I won't look your way,
I won't try this again.
Day eight,
How could you do this to me?
Fill me with so much love and just
Leave me with so much hate..?
Day nine,
I heard you found someone new,
While I lay here trying to grasp how
The hell you can be just fine..
Day ten,
Only way to get on with it,
Is to just keep living my life,
I won't love you again.
You can't love something again
You don't stop loving.
I will always love you.
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 9:49 PM UTC
I'll be the first to admit I was terrified.
I wasn't ready, I couldn't be a mother.
Then it hit me, this is really happening.
I was in the party stage of my life,
Always on the go and looking for fun.
I wasn't ready to throw that away.
Then there was you, Lyla Elaine.
You saved me from myself.
You pushed me back in the right direction.
I NEEDED you; just as much as you
Needed me. I was ready for this.
Now I wake up with a reason.
I wake up and I look at your sleeping face.
I smell your Johnson&Johnson; hair,
I hold your little hands, you're my reason.
All those times when I asked why I was alive?
You, you are why I am here.
I was created to create you.
You are my reason for living,
My motivation for loving,
My get up and go.
I love you from your messy little bedhead;
To your tiny little toes.
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 1:28 PM UTC
Eventually you will have to come to terms with the fact
that maybe you just won't get better.
You will have to deal with people asking you "what's wrong?"
and "are you okay?" "you sure?" on a daily basis.
The most you can do is keep your head held high, keep
a smile pasted on that pretty face of yours and keep moving.
The worst thing you could possibly do is sit there and feel
sorry for yourself. At that rate you're right, you won't get better.
Somedays are worse than others. Someday you won't be able
to keep the tears from pouring from your pretty eyes.
Other days you will see the light in the things you do.
You'll walk a little lighter, and your smile will shine a little
brighter. Wait for these days. Keep faith that these better
days will come. Depression isn't about wallowing in your
self pity. It's a condition when a strong person just can't
think strong thoughts. Depression is when no matter how hard
you try, you just can't smile. It isn't something to be ashamed
of. It isn't something you should hide from the world.
Other people can help you.. You can't always make yourself
better. Accept advice, even if you don't want to listen,
even if you aren't going to follow it.
Mar 20, 2014
Mar 20, 2014 at 9:52 PM UTC
Another year's gone by
& here I sit dreading the hour to arrive.
Two a.m. will come too quick,
Laying in bed, starting to feel sick.
Replaying the harsh, vivid memory,
Like clockwork, hovering.
Tomorrow when I awake it will be,
The fifth year of innocence you've stolen from me.
Looking back, I realize it hasn't gotten better,
It hasn't gotten easier, I've just turned bitter.
I'm completely different than I wish I could be,
Looking back to December 27, 2008 wishing
I was able to change everything.
Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 6:56 PM UTC
One thing I will never learn is to not burden myself with worry.
I'm always anxious, feeling late, watching my back for the threat of strangers.
I walk with my head up, not because I am confident, but in order to protect myself.
Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 8:53 PM UTC
Once in a while someone will walk
Into your life and prove to you
Not everyone is "bad."
Not everyone is out to get you.
Someone that will show you happiness.
Once in a while you will meet someone
Who will make your heart flutter,
Your knees weak,
A smile show through your blue eyes,
And you will do anything to make them stay.
Once in a while you'll speak to someone,
Not even what they say will help,
Just the conversation itself
Will put you at ease, make you
Regain hope in humanity.
Once in a while you will find someone
Who will leave permanent
Footprints on your heart.
You don't need to fall in love with them,
Just their friendship alone is treasure.
Once in a while someone genuine will
Walk by and your eyes will follow.
You will see that respectful people
Still exist, people that hold doors, listen
And show kindness with nothing in return.
Once in a while you will find this person,
Never let that friendship go.
Nov 23, 2013
Nov 23, 2013 at 6:39 PM UTC
There's a side to you, no one else knows.
You've always confided in me.
And I in you.
You've held onto my heart this entire time.
I met you, and the next second I was yours.
I will always be yours.
No matter the time that passes,
No matter the faces in and out of our lives,
I am yours.
You hold my life in your rough, yet tender hands.
Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 2:40 PM UTC
Sometimes even when everything
Seems to be going just fine,
I tend to break down on my drive home.
Sometimes everything tends to add up
And my life tends to fall apart at
The worst moments.
Sometimes I gather my thoughts
And think of my past, and what should
Have happened and what shouldn't have.
Sometimes I sit back and watch people
Living their lives so free while I sit there
And watch through the glass.
Where did my life go? I'm twenty years old and feel like I missed the last four years of my life...
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 1:21 AM UTC