I’m scared of getting better
I’m scared of leaving
I’m scared of losing
Losing what I thought was right
If I’m not ****** up
What am I
I am not myself anymore
I am so much my illness
That I am not me
This illness eats at me
Eats for me
Until I am gone
And it’s all that’s left
I don’t want you to see that
I don’t want that
I want to leave
Don’t watch me die
Instead
Leave me alone
Let my skin scream
Until both me
And my illness
Are gone
Until that day
Stay away
I can’t let you know
That I love you
Because I’m leaving
And I can’t leave you
So please
Just look away
And leave me to it
Sep 3, 2019
Sep 3, 2019 at 1:14 AM UTC
Perhaps it's due to the early hour,
Or the hole in my chest,
Or the endless darkness encasing my tomb,
But I can stop thinking of you.
I became absent.
In everything.
With everyone.
I didn't want to realize,
How alone I truly am.
Because **** it.
I don't need anything.
I don't need food.
I don't need a relationship.
I don't need my family.
I don't need friends.
I don't need you.
I
Don't
Need
You.
I don't need you.
I don't
Need
You.
I
Don't Need
You.
I don't need
You.
Because if I say it,
In just the right way,
With the right rhythm,
I will believe it.
I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.
Well...
Maybe I convinced you at least?
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 2:26 AM UTC
It’s sick
But all I can think about
Is the pain
I think it’s an art
One that I have perfected
The ability
To ignore everything
But the pain
I don’t think
I could make room
for anything else
Because if I’m not cutting
I’m burning
If I’m not burning
I’m starving
If I’m not starving
I’m purging
If I’m not purging
I’m binging
If I’m not binging
I’m probably dead
And thus
All I can fit
In my brain
Are these thoughts
These morbid
Thoughts
Of pain
Jul 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019 at 12:46 AM UTC
I’m scared to be hurt
And so I won’t give you a chance
To hurt me again
Even though it wasn’t your fault
The though
Of losing
Losing control
Losing a friend
Losing you
I can’t take it
So I will make sure
I am in control
Of the pain
I will slice my wrists
And count the calories
And maintain my
Complete
Dominance
Over my life
I’m scared of
Losing
Control
I’m scared of losing you
Jul 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019 at 12:35 AM UTC
The blackest night
Tends to have
The brightest stars
But
My night
Is cloudy
And all I can see
Are the eyes in my closet
And the fears from my head
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 12:02 PM UTC
Panting
the brush glides
so smoothly over
the light canvas
Yet the ink
doesn't absorb into the fibers
but spills from the art
You may look at my work
and be disgusted
horrified ever
you may not see what I see
you may look at these red lines
on this pale canvas
and not be controlled by its beauty
But I am
And this is all I can do from killing myself
Mar 11, 2019
Mar 11, 2019 at 8:52 AM UTC
sometimes
I think of killing myself
how the silence would
be so freeing
and the darkness
to overcome
and I waiting to fulfill its infinite void
Sometimes I wish
to die
my breath to stop
the constant ringing
of the voices
in my head
they no longer
have hold
on my thoughts
sometimes I think
I'm lost
because the people around
don't know me
they don't know
the horrors
that sit
inside my skull
so sometimes
I think of killing myself
then they'll know
i was never fine
my long sleeves
are hiding scars
that appeared on my arms
I don't remember making them
but I know I did
but for now
I'm stuck
a stranger
with strange voices
telling me strange things
and I'm just a prisoner
stuck in my mind
forced to listen
forced to obey
because what happens
when your mind
turns its back on you
Feb 28, 2019
Feb 28, 2019 at 8:31 AM UTC
The sign is a suggestion
If they really cared
They would have built the fence higher
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 11:58 PM UTC
Tell me I’m a star
At least that way
I won’t feel bad
For burning out
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 11:51 PM UTC
last night i wept
because i didn't know how i felt
last year i was cutting
every single day
slice
after slice
last today i was praised
because i can hold it all in
and i dont hurt myself
with the razor
as often as i did
last week i found a lighter
and held it to my skin
i don't remember for how long
but the burn is still there
and even though the euphoria subsided
the stench
of burnt flesh
is still fresh
in my memory
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 8:15 AM UTC