I remember meeting you outside the party
our friends were wasted in love
looking for a savior with their bodies
You were sitting, singing a melody I recognised
I remember leaving, crying while drinking your last cup
you were smoking while our song was playing
but we didn't even know each other
The lights paralysed my thoughts
and I was drowning in words that refused to leave my mouth
You were laughing in the car with a girl I called pretty
some hours ago, in front of you
before the incident
I remember writing under the constellations,
in a corner where the lenses couldn't approach me
and the purple and blue flashes only touched pieces of the lunar light.
I remember writing a love song about someone I never met and never will
and then you had the guts to ask me for a cigarette
but I gave you a lighter I always carry around
You saw my tears falling down inside your drink
so you decided to drink my soul instead
The girl I called pretty got hypnotised
by the laughs and the screams inside
and suddenly it was just us
and our heartbeats
I remember meeting you outside the party
but you told me you couldn't see your reflection anymore through my eyes
you told me I was just a girl that stole your sanityand filled it with smoke
and then our heartbeats touched
and the incident happened
and I wasted parts of myself in the kiss we exchanged.
I smiled
I smiled and your lips formed a deeply regretful smirk.
I remember meeting you outside my party
wasted on love or greed or foolishness
or was I just high on hope and delusion?
I chose the wrong substances
and now I'm stuck with your regrets
and your cigarette infused breath you let me taste
I ran to change the song to something everyone likes but me and you.
I danced with our memories
and you danced with your chosen loneliness.
I remember it was the best party
I've ever had
I remember admiring how much you were hurting
I remember lying to myself about feeling shame about it
and it was the last chance I had to remembering you
I vaguely have any memories from all the parties you haven't been since then
but I'm throwing one now
and I know you'll remember it
meet me outside the party.
May 18, 2025
May 18, 2025 at 5:07 PM UTC
My sister is driving miserably
While I’m writing some novel with ghosts
The song playing sickens me biblically
Like the angels with eyes for words
There’s a light from the street eating me
Awkwardly asking for me to be free
‘O sweet, little phantom don’t stop waiting
One day I’m sure to oblivion I’ll flee
My sister them murmurs asking me
The stars from the mirror to see
All I could sight were murderers of dreams
That will never belong
And my heart is the only noise I need
In this hypothetically, torturous day
The stars crown the sky
And music exploits people’s aches with dance
But I’m still writing letters to unknown lovers
Pretending I’m ******* their happiness
While searching the meaning of lust
As they still owe me what’s left from my soul
‘oh how I’d like to kiss you until breath’s presence is gone’
I write while I’m adjusting some tears that will never fall
The ghosts from the novel are inspired by oaths I took
Promising myself to make friends with
Nostalgia and grief
Someday I might publish it
Maybe when I’m already a ghost
Maybe my work will be lost for a while
And the letters will find their suitors without me
But until then I’m a memory
To someone’s yearly alcohol dose
And the song changes suddenly
Reminding me the melody
That nights harmonize
To eros’ arrows
And I’m longing to bleed
So I can feel
What psyche yearned for in life
The most.
Apr 3, 2025
Apr 3, 2025 at 5:02 PM UTC
There are some days
That will never end
Days that take my nights away
Nights are precious
Full of stars and dreams
Nights are the right time to be awake
But days swallow them
They poison them
They burn them to death
And then endless days exist
And love seems like such a manipulation
And smiling takes the effort
That stargazing tears consume
And then winter comes
And nothing stays the same
But everything seems stuck
Days are shorter but disappointing
Nights are long passages
Throught songs I can't listen to anymore
And then there's you in my brain
In my damaged
Poisonous
Mind
Soul
In everything I own
I keep my isolating obsessions in touch
So you can see them
Before really meeting me
Maybe that's why you run away
And when you come back
It's night again
But days are older
And bigger
And turtorous
And you're night
I thought I was night once
I might be a constellation
Watching tears through people
Stargazing me
And you're the whole night
The whole night
And I'm just stars in between
And when you're the day
I never appear
I drink my venom
And I die for as long as
your sun stares at my
bleached hair
Days are suffering manipulators
And I'm just some weird lyrics
Inside some pointless notebook
Written probably in the morning
And I stay there dead
Trying to reach my poison
Because venom is not permanent
And when I finally find it
Through the chaotic words
Of the daylight
The night comes
And I'm a part of myself again
And you're watching me
Becoming night
as you become day
And I don't try to reach you
I'm staying night
You can become a constellation
And I'll drown you
With my labyrinth of a heart
Inside my stars
And I'll be night
And those days will finally end
And I'll be night
And I'll let you finish your morning poem
Then
At night .
Feb 7, 2025
Feb 7, 2025 at 4:33 AM UTC
Daisy
My Daisy
Please help me to face me
The ache is incomplete
When you don’t talk to me
Please my daisy
Grab me
And taste me
Show me the self
I’ve been hiding
Daisy
My sweet perfume
Put the dagger in my heart
And push me to the edge
So I can see the darkness
One last time
I feel your tears talking to me softly
While you drink my thoughts
Stay with me and heal
My torturous mind
I have an ego that despises
Anything natural
But you seem like the only thing
Nature ever taught me
You feed me
You starve me
You **** me
You resurrect me
I wish you hated me
Then you could also love me
Be my metaphor
And correct my existence
Make me unnatural
You devious poison
Drink every last drop of me
And let me be devoured by
Your incorrections
And I’ll give you my flowers
And my costumes
My marionettes
And my muses
The helpless breath I exhale
When you stare at me
While I exasperate
consuming your adoration
Oh Daisy
I’m sorry for my tiring existence
Please long for my alteration
Long that I’m a narcissist
Shout at me
Make me cry
Let me be the one
That will take your life
Become the winter
I live in
And the spring I’ll never meet
Daisy you make me ill
Be a star and I’ll turn into your dust
Be a siren and entangle me with your song
Be the concept of time and I’ll make sure
To travel around your numbers to confuse you
Be space and I’ll create innumerable dimensions
To endanger your stability
Be a ghost and I’ll be the psyche you left behind to haunt you
Let me be insufferable
Please hate me, Daisy
Please lie to me and tell me you hate me
Make me your friend
And be my muse
Be my friend
Make me your muse
Spring tears into our eyes
As if we saw our worlds begin
After the summers we protected
We’ll be nothing more than memories
To an invented chaos
The spells we put upon our unhealed obsessions
To make them immortal
How immoral of us
To believe that love like ours
Could defeat the hatred we would draw towards each other
My little daisy
We’re bad people
We crave for desperation
We argue with the mornings
Because they’re too exhaustive for our hollow night blinded minds
Dance with me one last time
As the light we both hate showers us with
Desire
We lost the love in the night
Desire Daisy
Dance with me in the deathly reality of ours
And do as I plead
And I’ll do as you order
Daisy
Jan 28, 2025
Jan 28, 2025 at 12:01 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel so immature
Watching myself in the mirror
Painting my eyes
Through the scars
Of the tears
I'm shedding alone
But I like these scars
They remind me of my soul
Sometimes I forget I have one
I think we all do
But we all have a soul
And this soul can get hurt
Over the emptiest
Most meaningless
Minor things
But we keep forgetting we have one
Still hurt
We feel the pain
But our brain tells us
That we're immature
And I feel immature when I paint my scars
Just to feel pretty
When I see other girls unpainted
Clear
Without scars
And I wish I felt jealous
But I love my scars
They remind me
That I can be broken and alive
At the same time
That it takes a million seconds
To get through every thought
That conquers my mind
That my eyes might seem dead
But are so full of life
I wish someone noticed them
I wish I was something for someone
I wish they saw my soul
I wish they saw how broken and alive
I can be
But they just see my scars
They paint new ones
And I collect them
Like compliments
If I was pretty
And when I paint
The last inch of my face
I plan my smile
Do I even know how to smile?
Should I also start collecting smiles?
Sometimes I feel immature
For letting my thoughts swallow me
Are we all immature?
I always chase what I think
My brain deserves
And it's just rotten pieces
Of my past selves
But at the same time
I'm evolving
Behind the glass that shows me
My painted face
My painted eyes
My hidden soul
My scars
Can you see my scars?
If you can,
will you protect them,
or will you make new ones?,
Both will bring tears
So go ahead ,
Here are
My scars.
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 22, 2025 at 4:06 PM UTC
Capitalism works wonders
when you buy your soul again
after selling it to the black market
just to have two more people recognise you
Blood is just another shade of red
for the ties of the clowns with the formal attires
and suddenly everyone's accusing you again
for committing epicureanism
when you were just trying to
devour minimalism
with technology that
working hands got beaten up for
Everything violent is unacceptable
until economy craves it
then you can demolish the whole world
************ doesn't produce
enough serotonin anymore
after you've already licked
every coin you were given
and then you hear a child mourning
their stolen youth
but you're just upset because
I didn't identify their gender
You don't look good with tears
yet you whimper every time
you're not donated with a package
so pathetically sad
when the billionaire
blood feasting cooperation
doesn't acquire your fake money
And then your portrait
in your pseudo glass reality
seems to be getting old
even though they promised
that beauty hurts
but maintenance forges
your ideal mockery
O what a pity
seeing you so edible
yet so gory
I bet you're dating to colonise
and you charge for every kiss
you once assumed you had synesthesia
but you identified every sound and picture
with green
then you proceeded to commercialise
your exquisite palette
with food you yearned for
and with every drop of your saliva
a genocide began to emerge
Crying again you inject yourself with venom
that dances with your older genes that you'll never meet
O what a pity
seeing you so edible
is it considered cannibalism
for us to eat the rich
or for them
to fanatisize our hunger
through bread and circuses?
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 22, 2025 at 3:23 PM UTC