There is sadness woven into my every thought.
Worries and fears shout over each other,
both demanding they be heard first.
My memories whisper amongst themselves
in the corners where they think I can’t hear them.
It’s a chaotic setting that I’ve grown all too familiar with.
But if you were to ask me,
right now,
What is on my mind?
I’d spin you a tale of a quiet room
with fleeting mumbles like nothing ever lingers too long.
Of course, that isn’t true.
My mind has fashioned trinkets out of my tragedies
and displays them with pride.
It’s found sanctum in the somber solitude
of a late night’s crying session.
I’m not even the same person anymore.
The old me,
The happy me,
is confined to a box, long forgotten
on a cluttered shelf behind every mistake I’ve ever made.
Sometimes I’ll remember
what she was like;
Small flashes of bright eyes,
Pink cheeks warmed by the sun
and a wild, toothy grin that never cracked.
I wish she could’ve stayed longer.
God, what I would give to bring her back.
To give her a world
that wasn't so loud,
one that would never beat her to her knees.
She didn't deserve what happened to her.
She only ever wanted the best,
she only ever deserved the best.
Jul 11, 2022
Jul 11, 2022 at 2:55 AM UTC
My own skin feels ill-fitting.
Like maybe it belonged to me
at some point in time,
But now it sloughs off my shoulders
Like a hand-me-down
given too early…
Feb 11, 2022
Feb 11, 2022 at 10:51 PM UTC
Soon I will begin again
With an entirely new skeleton.
One whose ribs will never know
The ache of laughter;
Whose knuckles won’t know
The tender brush of your hands.
I’ll have a new body
With lungs that will never be
Torn to shreds by screams,
And cheeks that won’t know
The familiar burn of tears.
Feb 11, 2022
Feb 11, 2022 at 3:40 AM UTC
When my rib cage splits open
and displays the rotting creature inside
will you still love me?
When my bones are replaced with
flowering hemlock and nightshade
and my blood turns to muck,
Will you still love me?
When my skin becomes ash, my hair
turns to vines and my feet grow roots,
Will you still love me?
When nature prevails
and I am no longer me,
I must ask this of you:
Will you still love me?
Dec 3, 2021
Dec 3, 2021 at 1:05 AM UTC
I'm losing my mind;
not even slowly,
almost like
An onslaught of insanity.
Peeling away at the façade
of a body grossly overrun.
Melancholic.
Oct 9, 2021
Oct 9, 2021 at 11:15 PM UTC
I dreamed of home last night.
I wish I could tell you of a place so overflowing
with love and happiness
that even you, a complete stranger,
would yearn to experience it.
But, I can't.
It was never a place but a feeling
that resided only within the corners
of my own sick mind.
My home is an Epitaph
written on the decaying walls
of a shattered psyche,
in memoriam of something long past.
Oct 9, 2021
Oct 9, 2021 at 11:11 PM UTC
what am I
but a reflection
of all I should have been
the things I never did,
the chances I never took
the sunsets I never watched.
I feel I could have been more.
I'm still young;
why do I feel like this.
Mar 23, 2021
Mar 23, 2021 at 8:56 PM UTC
But it is a peaceful sadness.
There is no anger and
I am no longer at war with myself.
The battlefield is barren,
the weapons have been laid rest
and all the soldiers have gone home.
Mar 23, 2021
Mar 23, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC
Countless times I’ve spent pouring out kerosene
in the form of words,
attempting to lessen the flames roaring inside
but only fueling them in the process.
You seem to be the only one that will listen;
then again how could you protest?
It’s a relationship that’s hardly symbiotic.
I’ve learned that most times I am the lit match
igniting a room full of fumes,
tearing down the walls around me as quickly as I built them.
I am the one scorching the palms of those who seek comfort
and searing the tongues of those who offer it.
So go,
stay far away from the flames,
and know, that soon I’ll burn up all I have,
Maybe then I won’t be a threat anymore.
Feb 7, 2021
Feb 7, 2021 at 5:37 PM UTC