YourKay - Hello Poetry

I finally found a word to the feelings I have To what I hold in my heart "Anticipatory Grief" I have lived with you now for 5 years Taken care of you for all of them Watching you age watching you losing weight knowing that the tables have turned I now take care of you I don't want you to worry Everything will be fine I love you more When its your time I will be there and I will hold your hand like you have mine for so long There's nothing to be afraid of.

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Feb 7, 2025

Feb 7, 2025 at 2:51 AM UTC

My Nana

I finally found a word to the feelings I have To what I hold in my heart "Anticipatory Grief" I have lived with you now for 5 years Taken care of you for all of them Watching you age watching you losing weight knowing that the tables have turned I now take care of you I don't want you to worry Everything will be fine I love you more When its your time I will be there and I will hold your hand like you have mine for so long There's nothing to be afraid of.

15

Sure I've been in love before But never like this Your love is so kind Like a salve to my burns You take care of me With your words and your actions Yet it makes me feel so broken How do I act What do I say It never feels enough I'm trying to learn this new love This right love But how do I show you That with all your actions Your slowly healing me How do I show you That I love you so dearly

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Sep 9, 2024

Sep 9, 2024 at 3:49 AM UTC

How do I show you

Sure I've been in love before But never like this Your love is so kind Like a salve to my burns You take care of me With your words and your actions Yet it makes me feel so broken How do I act What do I say It never feels enough I'm trying to learn this new love This right love But how do I show you That with all your actions Your slowly healing me How do I show you That I love you so dearly

17

Dear ####, How long has it been? To be honest, since we stopped seeing and talking to each other I have been miserable. You'd be upset with me, I've started stress smoking because of us, or because of what we were. I was thinking to myself the other night and I was brutally honest with myself. I still love you, and I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry because I never wanted to put you in this position, I never meant to fall in love with you, but I'm sorry the most that you couldn't bring yourself to say the same, that you were falling in love with me. I'm sorry. Now I am left to grieve, like you have died but its worse, your just down the street, just out of reach. You have decided that I was no longer part of your storyline because loving me scared you. Left with all of the memories, all the emotions. All the times we touched, you make me feel like I've never even laid my fingers on you. As if it never mattered to you. Like I was holding the shadow of your hands, snuggling with the idea of you. I cant go anywhere without memories of you, you in my bed, on the couch, playing cards at the table with my Nana, your hand in mine, your lips meeting my shoulder, even just at the grocery store. You claimed me as yours with Marker "####'s Kay", but it was as if your love was like the ink, bright and beautiful in the moment, but not strong enough to last forever, not permanent. But its okay, one of these days I will release the ideas that if I just wait long enough, you will realize that it doesn't matter if we are the same gender. Its okay because I will heal. Just so you know, I don't regret a single moment of us. I miss you. Love, Your Kay

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Aug 3, 2022

Aug 3, 2022 at 4:42 AM UTC

My Love

Dear ####, How long has it been? To be honest, since we stopped seeing and talking to each other I have been miserable. You'd be upset with me, I've started stress smoking because of us, or because of what we were. I was thinking to myself the other night and I was brutally honest with myself. I still love you, and I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry because I never wanted to put you in this position, I never meant to fall in love with you, but I'm sorry the most that you couldn't bring yourself to say the same, that you were falling in love with me. I'm sorry. Now I am left to grieve, like you have died but its worse, your just down the street, just out of reach. You have decided that I was no longer part of your storyline because loving me scared you. Left with all of the memories, all the emotions. All the times we touched, you make me feel like I've never even laid my fingers on you. As if it never mattered to you. Like I was holding the shadow of your hands, snuggling with the idea of you. I cant go anywhere without memories of you, you in my bed, on the couch, playing cards at the table with my Nana, your hand in mine, your lips meeting my shoulder, even just at the grocery store. You claimed me as yours with Marker "####'s Kay", but it was as if your love was like the ink, bright and beautiful in the moment, but not strong enough to last forever, not permanent. But its okay, one of these days I will release the ideas that if I just wait long enough, you will realize that it doesn't matter if we are the same gender. Its okay because I will heal. Just so you know, I don't regret a single moment of us. I miss you. Love, Your Kay

10

"I'm fine," I smile. dyeing a little as I say those words, "I'm sorry did that hurt?" No I'm fine. "Are you okay if I leave you alone?" yes, don't worry about me, "I'm fine." It may seem that I am lying to others, but I'm really only lying to myself, trying to deceive my brain, my heart, my soul, that there's is no pain. "Its okay, your fine."

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Nov 2, 2020

Nov 2, 2020 at 12:47 AM UTC

Its Fine

"I'm fine," I smile. dyeing a little as I say those words, "I'm sorry did that hurt?" No I'm fine. "Are you okay if I leave you alone?" yes, don't worry about me, "I'm fine." It may seem that I am lying to others, but I'm really only lying to myself, trying to deceive my brain, my heart, my soul, that there's is no pain. "Its okay, your fine."

14

The sensation drowning the ocean being myself trying to come up for air my own hands pulling me down opening my lungs the waves of anxiety too hard to breath trying to swim to the top the fear to fail to great too exhausted to fight the waves I sink

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Nov 1, 2020

Nov 1, 2020 at 3:09 AM UTC

Anxiety

The sensation drowning the ocean being myself trying to come up for air my own hands pulling me down opening my lungs the waves of anxiety too hard to breath trying to swim to the top the fear to fail to great too exhausted to fight the waves I sink

13

I was there, alone that wasn't new. alone to feel the pain the pain i liked to feel i didn't have a knife my thoughts cut deeper then the scissors i couldn't even feel it at first my mental pain melted away forgotten by the feeling of the liquid dripping down my arm sweet release if only for a moment till the pain is just not enough the reason behind your pain bubbling up as you continue to bleed what a mess.

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Feb 25, 2019

Feb 25, 2019 at 9:16 PM UTC

What A Mess

I was there, alone that wasn't new. alone to feel the pain the pain i liked to feel i didn't have a knife my thoughts cut deeper then the scissors i couldn't even feel it at first my mental pain melted away forgotten by the feeling of the liquid dripping down my arm sweet release if only for a moment till the pain is just not enough the reason behind your pain bubbling up as you continue to bleed what a mess.

14

I hate this feeling the feeling of nothing but also the feeling of everything how is it even possible to feel them both at the same time? to feel empty, after you felt it all feeling like you are torn apart, and left broken, because you could not deal with it all. i almost wish that it would never stop the feeling of emptiness as if shouting into a void and not even hearing a wispier not even an echo the emptiness is so stifling, it fills me the feeling of everything i wish it would stop. i wish i would, END.

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Feb 25, 2019

Feb 25, 2019 at 8:59 PM UTC

The Empty Feeling of Everything

I hate this feeling the feeling of nothing but also the feeling of everything how is it even possible to feel them both at the same time? to feel empty, after you felt it all feeling like you are torn apart, and left broken, because you could not deal with it all. i almost wish that it would never stop the feeling of emptiness as if shouting into a void and not even hearing a wispier not even an echo the emptiness is so stifling, it fills me the feeling of everything i wish it would stop. i wish i would, END.

16

He was that fire that burnt in your heart that burned in your life. His smile, his laughter would make the fire burn brighter then he decided to singe that fire with a spray of cold water try to understand that it was just a mistake. He'll always be there right? What happens when the fire that burnt so bright dims to a single candle light, what happens when you have to keep lighting that single candle wick, because the fire is slowly dying. Will you go out too?

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Feb 7, 2019

Feb 7, 2019 at 8:29 PM UTC

Burnt

He was that fire that burnt in your heart that burned in your life. His smile, his laughter would make the fire burn brighter then he decided to singe that fire with a spray of cold water try to understand that it was just a mistake. He'll always be there right? What happens when the fire that burnt so bright dims to a single candle light, what happens when you have to keep lighting that single candle wick, because the fire is slowly dying. Will you go out too?

11

A: Away they always run B: Because of what follows behind C: Creeping low to the ground, it followed D: Death and darkness wound together E: Eternity it will be there F: Following not far behind G: Grabbing and dragging H: How the dead weight felt I: Internally screaming because they could not make a sound J: Juggling between life and death K: Killing whatever gets in there way L: Life is only for the living and that they are no more M: Moaning is no option, running they tried but N: Nothing gets away from, HE O: Oh the joy the light is coming P: Perhaps a change of view Q: Quickly the lights blew out an all that R: Remains is the S: Silent whispers of T: Their names being called, tugged U: Under ground V: Venomously pulled away to a place W: Where the light will never be seen again X: Xenophobia beginning Y: You are no one now Z: Zeitgeist, no more time

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Feb 7, 2019

Feb 7, 2019 at 8:22 PM UTC

Alphabet Poem

A: Away they always run B: Because of what follows behind C: Creeping low to the ground, it followed D: Death and darkness wound together E: Eternity it will be there F: Following not far behind G: Grabbing and dragging H: How the dead weight felt I: Internally screaming because they could not make a sound J: Juggling between life and death K: Killing whatever gets in there way L: Life is only for the living and that they are no more M: Moaning is no option, running they tried but N: Nothing gets away from, HE O: Oh the joy the light is coming P: Perhaps a change of view Q: Quickly the lights blew out an all that R: Remains is the S: Silent whispers of T: Their names being called, tugged U: Under ground V: Venomously pulled away to a place W: Where the light will never be seen again X: Xenophobia beginning Y: You are no one now Z: Zeitgeist, no more time

26

Here's the thing about AVERAGE: its average I wanted to reach higher to be stronger, i wanted to show every one that i am MORE. So i became more, I trained HARDER, i pushed for more, and in return... I had NOTHING. i couldn't love myself because i was never enough, i forgot the feeling of a smile, i became empty, because i forgot who i was, and eventually i stopped trying to be more. Because, was Average really that bad? If average is yourself than maybe you should strive for average.

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Nov 21, 2018

Nov 21, 2018 at 8:21 PM UTC

Average

Here's the thing about AVERAGE: its average I wanted to reach higher to be stronger, i wanted to show every one that i am MORE. So i became more, I trained HARDER, i pushed for more, and in return... I had NOTHING. i couldn't love myself because i was never enough, i forgot the feeling of a smile, i became empty, because i forgot who i was, and eventually i stopped trying to be more. Because, was Average really that bad? If average is yourself than maybe you should strive for average.

13