Hungry
Endlessly
Bottomless pit
Searching
I am lost to it
It is lost to me
Unknown
Obsidian
Bottomless pit
Black Friday list
Machines
Hanging
Hard and limp
Humming and void
Living and dying
Dead inside
Bottomless pit
Where did you go
Distant and far
I ate four dinners
Four nights
I lied
Just one
Bottomless pit
I fell
I climbed
I’m bleeding then healed
Resurrected
I lied
I fell again
Bottomless pit
Nov 8, 2022
Nov 8, 2022 at 5:21 AM UTC
Time should have been enough
Time and space and ignoring you
But I can't.
Ignoring you is like holding my breath
A challenge, possible until it inevitably isn't.
I can't.
Your hair is longer but your eyes are the same.
Your smile is quieter but you stand taller now,
laugh louder.
I wrote you a letter, and I want to send it.
I want to stamp it and send it away from me and to you
But I can't.
I can't let myself go, that small secret.
I can't.
Nov 8, 2022
Nov 8, 2022 at 5:19 AM UTC
I want to scream
but my chest constricts
and I cannot breathe because I feel like
I will breathe myself in
and collapse
in on myself
like a dying star but I'm not a star,
I'm a failure
a black hole
and even when I can see the string of snot dripping out of my nose
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
and it slows and stops
and then comes back full force and
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
******* in breaths
as I hear her in the next room,
clicking and clanging away,
busy in every way she’s supposed to be
and I hear her in my head
even when she isn’t there-
and it’s always always always
how inadequate I am-
while I hide
in my room,
under my best friends,
the bedsheets,
crying and tapping away,
documenting every little thing I never have the confidence to say
to her or to anyone
******* in breaths
a black hole
my mind
bright
but dark
absorbing
every bad thing
she's ever said about me.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 9:00 PM UTC
Building a barrier of breaths, a dam of determination
against anxiety rolling in waves across my chest- high tides,
threatening to flow out onto the sandy shores of my grainy cheeks.
You speak in slanted brows and stares and scowls:
tell me I’m giving up,
I’m giving in,
tell me I’m doing it wrong,
Take a step in my boots and tell me they don’t drag you down.
Wear my worries on your shoulders and tell me it doesn’t hurt.
Face an army of expectant faces and tell me you don’t have to choose.
Tell me you can have it all.
Lie to me, please.
High tides are rolling in again, and this time there might be flooding.
Letting the waves crash out in screams instead,
Letting you see the kind of loathing I have locked in,
Letting you feel a moment of that.
I’m giving in.
Feb 21, 2018
Feb 21, 2018 at 6:02 AM UTC
I tend to flee when frustrated,
for fear fumbles my mental functions.
friends forget my flaws,
forget my favorites,
forget my fears.
friends forget me.
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 1:46 AM UTC
Pink hair:
Bright and boisterous,
A wild mess on your head.
You talk,
I smile;
It’s nice.
Too bad I don’t say anything.
You run out of words;
I run out of patience.
Bye?
See you tomorrow.
Pink hair:
You’re back.
You talk again,
I smile again.
Today I talk a bit
And you smile.
But we can’t find enough words.
Bye?
See you tomorrow.
Pink hair:
Across the room.
We don’t talk.
We don’t smile.
Was that a wave?
I can’t tell.
Were you looking for words?
I was.
Pink hair,
Will I see you tomorrow?
Pink hair:
Your hair isn’t pink
We still don’t talk
Our chance is gone
Pink hair:
Did you forget something?
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 9:51 PM UTC