Please be aware:
Everything I say similar to:
"i don't want to be myself, it's so hard, it hurts, too tired, just don't want to be in this moment and at all times"
is the strongest biggest loudest most intense and powerful
YES
to life I could shout out
Let me explain what those words expressed by my brain mean to my
heart:
I don't want to be the person any more that I am right now
It's so hard to stand everything this person represents
It hurts, everything she feels, too often and for too long
So I don't want to be in such moments of grief and pain and feeling dead inside never no more
Instead:
After years and years of waiting and persevering
I want
LIFE. to. get. finally. started.
I want a
Change
I want to learn how to be another person
The real me
Instead of a negativist-conducted marionette
I want to EXPERIENCE a lot
A lot a lot a lot a lot
There are so many beautiful things on earth
So I want to learn to open these tired eyes
I want to have a positive impact on
Other people
I want to BE
Free
and
Alive
(And I like one sentence which is written by Mary-Elizabeth Cotton: "before I die, I want to learn to live!")
Mar 15, 2018
Mar 15, 2018 at 1:38 PM UTC
somehow dead
tired to death
tired of death
slightly different from tired of life
thankfully
Feb 2, 2018
Feb 2, 2018 at 12:45 PM UTC
at night
it's darker than
by day
because
the light
is
tired
and tired
so tired
is also the one
without light
because he has
lost
everything
it remains
emptinesssilencetirednessALONE
eyeache, therefore eyes closed, but headache persists, how else could one fill the emptiness, pain works well, it diffuses fast without effort, but pain is also empty
(without)
(you)
eventually
i have to accept it like this
leave it like this
and take it as it really is, so
give up
eventually
maybe
Sleep
Wake up
Think
Too much pondering
Get broken
Sleep
Dream
Be intact again
Just to break again
Sleep
Wake up
Live
....?
everything is so
tough
so many times i promised you not to let you alone, so that i never realized that there was no answer and that you kept silent and that you never ever promised the same
no stop thinking like that, she promised even more without you listening, she is the last person to blame, she just wants to come back but how could this work
(i am)
not
here
tired
so so so so tired
but how shall one
sleep
with the most
beautiful
of all images
with the most
horrible
of all images
inside one's head
everywhere
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 6:05 PM UTC
Who are you? - I was a cheerful child.
Who Are you? - I will be myself.
Who ARE you? - What would life be
without mysteries?
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC
not able to search anymore
because i don't know where
and just what
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 5:42 PM UTC
wish
i
could
be
deaf
to
not
hear
all
this
silence
it
is
like
walls
from
freezing
biting
seething
liquid
nitrogen
deep
under
the
skin
walls
which
burn
out
life
by
imprisoning
every
fragment
of
one
shattered
soul
wish
i
could
be
insensitive
to
this
painful
agony
of
being
please
blow
my
ears
away
with
silence
then
i
will
finally
be
deaf
please
torture
my
soul
with
excruciating
pain
then
i
will
finally
be
(not)
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 7:43 AM UTC
running
breathing
racing
gasping
step
after
step
after
step
after
step
running
blurry world
fading
running
hurrying
trying
to catch
blurry world
fading
running
.echoes
in ears
loud.
.tears
in eyes
bitter.
.sweat
on skin
moist.
.paranoia
in brains
screaming.
running
breathing
too slow
too fast
too exhausted
too tired
running
breathing
r
u
n
n
i
n
g
breathingbreathingbreathingbreathing
n o a i r l e f t
no air right no air above no air below
running through vacuum
?
vacuum running through
you
?
just run and run and run and run
runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun
too
l
a
t
e
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 6:55 AM UTC
how much can you Miss someone
how much can you Reject someone
how much can you Hurt someone
how much can you Love someone
how much can you Search for someone
how Blind can you be
how long can you just say "Someone"
how long can you miss someone
without recognizing it
without Recognizing him
how long can you just Miss yourself
what if someone IS yourself
what if someone misses you too
what if someone loves you too
what if someone tells you
i love you
what if you give the wrong answer
what if someone forgives you
everything
what if you finally
recognize
whatifTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 6:44 AM UTC