Between
Motivation
Passion
Fine Point
And Need
There is a very
I barely seem to miss it each time
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what I really
Love
I know I need to do s o m e t h i n g I know I need s o m e t h i n g
I need s o m e t h i n g
s o m e t h i n g s o m e t h i n g
I can’t seem to learn
what
What am I
Looking for by
Being here
Today
Why bother
I know I
Cannot have what
I want
But if I could
Give my all for you
There is no question.
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 11:22 AM UTC
I have a vision of my future
one I’m not sure could ever come true
A vision where the world won’t judge
the love I share with you
A vision of my future
where I could have the guts
To hold your hand in public
Hold each other on the bus
I wish that I could find a place
where I will not be shamed
For gazing in your pretty eyes
that lack in any pain
I wish we could get married
without hearing a complaint
And no one thought twice of our lives and we were normal, plain
But as we walk the sidewalk
most people stare and gawk
As though we are a freak show
or evil they must stop
I only want to love you
Without living in fear
I wish that I could say “I do”
and keep my lovers near
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 10:55 AM UTC
I'm just trying to live my life
Like any other human being
I get on the bus, sit on the guys side
I go through my day-to-day
I get called down to the office
I'm told I have to sit on the girls side because I'm in the system as a girl
I tell him I'm not a girl and the heteronormative system is ridiculous
I didn't do anything wrong and sit by myself anyways
He says he will see what he can do
In the hallway not long after, after school ends, going down stairs
I group of kids scream near my ears
I mumble to myself and they touch my head
I said stop
They didn't stop
I turned around
And for the first time in my life I lower myself to violence
And punch one in the leg
I break down
I'm lucky to work with such wonderful people in theatre
I just want to live my life
I just want to be left and not harassed
Im told I can sit on the boys side
I have to sit alone
I can only sit in the front or back
I have to tell the stranger next to me he can't sit there
I want to tell him why
I don't want to out myself
I have to give up the ounce of validation of being treated like a normal guy on the bus by the other guys, who are unafraid to get in trouble for sitting with me cause they don't know what I am or care
I wish...
I wish I was born right just like he and every other guy on the bus
But if I was I would not be me.
I could not understand my own struggles
Or sympathize so much with others
I could not learn and adapt the way I do now
Could not have taught myself to be brave in the same way I am
I could not have the experience of having kids with my spouse the way I want to
I would not have needed to stand up for my rights or that of others
I would not have addresssed my lack of understanding and my internalized transphobia
I am stronger for who and what I am.
My gestalt.
For learning to come to terms with the harsh truths of what I am to the world.
If that wish came true, I would not be me. I would not be
Orion.
May 13, 2021
May 13, 2021 at 8:39 PM UTC
Fiery soul with emerald eyes,
Listen close to my words and what therein lies
Dear sweet thing with dancing sliver hues
A stormy grey or seeping blue
There's nothing more I need than both of you.
So I'll tell you now, I cannot choose
And my dear lover supports, approves
Soft uncertain smile, now please don't shy
Listen close to my words and what therein lies
As for the large bubbly boy holding my hand
Intimidation is not his plan
I would only love one if I found I can
Instead I want to be you gentleman
So I'll approach this gently then
Long-full boy, wishful sighs
Listen close to my words and what therein lies
Because I love you both and hope you'll love me
I want to write a love song for three
Please listen closed
And do respond, darling
It's for my love of you both I'll sing
Feb 24, 2021
Feb 24, 2021 at 5:45 PM UTC
I love all of my family
As I always have since birth
Problem is my family has
And may always see me as a Girl
My mom remembers fondly
How I used to love dressing up in pink
But now it seems to bother me,
Like my voice, when I think and speak
I’ve always been a tomBoy
In very single fond memory
I’ve hated being Sister, Small, a Girl, or Mallory
Why can’t it leave Me be
So please, I’m not your Daughter, not one of your Ladies, Sis or Girlfriend
I’m not trying to **** your loved one
Just trying to help you recognize Him
Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 11:30 AM UTC
Fear
Is a terrible reason
To
Or
Not To
Believe
In Something
In Someone
In a God
In Others
In Yourself
Fear is a grandeur adversary to many
But Courage
To Go On and Stand
In the face of Fear
Is the grandest Ally
So many fail to choose
Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 6:42 PM UTC
They imagined Him again
And again
And again
They tried to replace Him with Her
But They couldn’t
He just kept coming back
They Never took interest in Dolls
Or Castles
Or princes and Princesses
They played King of the hill
with the Guys
Pretended that They were a Knight
They felt and looked awkward in Dresses, the Feminine makeup
Or Long hair
They wore button ups tucked into black, Combing Back hair
And tightening a Necktie
They would cringe at the sound of Their voice,
Their laugh
And hope that They could slip by as Their self
Despite it all
They had denied
Denied
Denied
Just androgynous
Repeatedly
They lied
They lied
They lied
They lied
Make Him go away
Make Her go away
What were They supposed to tell Their loved ones
Dec 31, 2018
Dec 31, 2018 at 10:10 AM UTC
A never ending road
To where I’ll never be alone
The Sun rises and falls
Emotions experienced; near all
It’s bumpy or it’s smooth
Based upon the paths we choose
A never ending road
To where we’ll never be alone
Passing through at dusk and dawn following along
a road of life time change, choices, decisions
Butterflies; our hearts flutter on
The feelings make you do
All we had never even knew
A never ending road
To a place called ‘home’
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 4:53 PM UTC
Little things
Little things
However small they be
Make all the difference
All the importance
Mean the world to me
The curious glancing
Gentle smiles
These little things
Make up my while
The time conversing
Awkward pause
Little things
Make up life’s laws
The moments spent
Before we leave
Quite plain for all to see
They mean the world to poets
Who love
The little things
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 3:34 PM UTC
You’re eyes are like the lake;
They dance and reflect a thousand golden hues, as the morning sun rises, ghastly, secretive fog fading over awe-inspiring, welcoming green warmth.
Your smiles are brighter than anything I’ve ever seen; the sun pales in comparison to the bright and inviting, wondrous expression I long to witness more times than can be counted.
Your voice is like a fire on a cold winter’s night; I am thoroughly chilled before the crackling brings heat to the very core of my being, soft as a blanket, felt even without touch.
We hardly speak, and yet, I feel connected.
You may not know it, but I do; You’re amazing.
Please don’t ever stop.
Cayden
Aug 4, 2018
Aug 4, 2018 at 9:42 PM UTC