He told me I was beautiful
He made me feel loved
He kissed me softly
He whispered sweet nothings
He reached his hands
He touched me all over
I tried to speak
He kissed me harder
He held me firmly
He told me it was okay
He know I wanted it
He grabbed me
He kept me down
I couldn’t speak
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t say no
Mar 6, 2018
Mar 6, 2018 at 9:02 PM UTC
I twitch
I shout
Without thinking
I move
I make noise
I don’t have any control
I ****
I yelp
Without thinking
I flick
I whimper
I never had control
I jump
I yell
Without thinking
I twist
I scream
I’ll never have control
Mar 5, 2018
Mar 5, 2018 at 8:16 PM UTC
When things are always going wrong
you start to lose faith.
My faith in God is waning.
A God who loves his people,
wants them to live,
to be happy,
a loving God,
would let so many horrific things happen.
He let my heart be shattered.
He made me autistic.
He made me with Tourette’s.
He let my parents fall out of love.
He took my best friend.
I’ve lost faith in the god of deathless death,
pain, loss, and oppression.
Mar 4, 2018
Mar 4, 2018 at 5:32 PM UTC
I wake up
head ****
shoulder roll
tongue click
I get ready for school
head ****
head ****
groan
I get on the bus
oi
whimper
I put on my headphones
arm ****
People stare
oi
I suppress
They build
The minutes drag on
Like an itch they can’t be ignored
The bus can’t go fast enough
They’re pushing up
We arrive at school
They’re going to escape
I run off the bus
They begin to explode
head ****
arm ****
I distance myself from the students
oi
arm ****
head ****
head ****
groan
tongue click
tongue click
whimper
They stare
shoulder roll
arm ****
shoulder roll
whimper
oi
oi
Everyday I tic and twitch
Mar 3, 2018
Mar 3, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
As an artist I should love all colors.
As a boy I cannot love them all.
Browns
Blues
Purples
are colors I know too well.
They're the colors of bad days
And long nights.
They lead to tear stained pillows
and sleepless nights.
They’re the imprints of his rings against my skin
and his slurred words in my ears.
They’re a reminder that my father
isn’t a dad.
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 7:49 PM UTC
The notebook beneath my hands
holds all my secrets
My fears and my hopes
My dreams and my nightmares
My pride and my shame
The pen between my fingers
bleeds ink onto the pages
My thoughts flow through it
My emotions flood through it
My feelings shoot through it
The pages enclosed in it
are tattooed with the years
My childhood marked on them
My youth etched on them
My adolescence carved on them
This notebook is filled
with things that make me
My history
My present
My life
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 7:24 PM UTC
People are like snowflakes
At first they seem to be the same
A look closer reveals
No two are the same
In the end they were small
Just blips in oblivion
But every one is just as beautiful as the last
Their words are inky imprints in time
Like footprints in the snow they leave trails
To places beyond ourselves
Their words can be loud
Their words can be quite
They can be heard by two or millions
But each is just as powerful as the last
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 9:58 PM UTC