there are countless conversations
buried in my throat
like those „I love you”
I swallowed like fish bones
and before they slip out
I start to choke
and when they see it...
those eyes
pierce me with disgust
and the worst part isn’t the choking
or the eyes
it’s that I chose this tongue
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 4:38 PM UTC
I am a bad person objectively
and
good person subjectively
so, what am I?
I don't know
but I know that
tests are graded through mistakes and not rights
May 9
May 9, 2026 at 1:02 PM UTC
there is a sponge in my chest
and it never wrings itself out
they pour into me without thinking
anger, sorrow, happiness
like I’m just somewhere to leave things
it sits inside me
and doesn’t leave room for me
when I try to speak
it comes out in a borrowed shape
nothing is clean
nothing is mine
and I can’t tell anymore
what was mine
or if anything was
which water was mine to spill
and whose was meant for someone else to drink
but even sponges don’t own what they hold
May 4
May 4, 2026 at 1:56 PM UTC
if you question it
it was never certain
standing in the rain
wet to the bone
a boy
wondering
wandering
questioning
reasoning
talking to the empty street
and a lamppost
speaking his mind
about everything and nothing
his voice shaking
between the drops
the lamppost flickering
like it's tired from listening
for a moment
he stops
thinking
he hears an answer
but no
just the rain
hitting the concrete
and it never answered
it just kept falling
May 2
May 2, 2026 at 9:40 PM UTC
if love falls apart
it was never love
but try telling that to a boy
on his bedroom floor
hands over his face
counting the months
like they never stopped
july sits next to him
on that bench
replaying those night walks and talks
that smelled like oranges
where they planned a life
that never happened
she was never going to choose him
and he knew
that’s the worst part
not the silence
not the wait
not even that “no”
but the way he stayed
and the way she didn’t
he doesn’t miss her
no
but the version of him
she took with her
Apr 30
Apr 30, 2026 at 5:21 PM UTC
Some things aren’t meant to be said
Some are meant to be seen
Some are meant to be felt
But others are meant to be lived
Everyone has those moments where, if you could, you would freeze time just to keep them from fading
It could be the first time your lips almost meet
and suddenly you forget how to breathe properly
like the world pauses but no one told it to
Or the first time silence doesn’t feel awkward
just heavy in a good way
like saying everything without saying anything
Or maybe that moment when you catch her looking into your eyes
and everything else goes quiet
the crowd disappears
and for a second it’s just you and her
you notice the way she almost smiles before looking away
But unfortunately we can’t stop time
We can’t even slow it down
And maybe that’s for the better
Because the moment you realize it won’t last
that’s the moment you actually start living it
Only then you start enjoying those moments
hoping for them to happen again despite knowing that they won’t last
And that’s why some things aren’t meant to be said, seen or felt
But are meant to be lived
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 5:48 AM UTC
My plan was simple, to fade into the background light.
To stand in a corner, or maybe outside the venue.
I thought I’d only get in your way, ruin your night, your once-in-a-lifetime party.
So I told myself I’d stay aside.
Let you have your fun.
And I’d just watch you from a distance, just to see if you were okay… if you missed me at all.
I didn’t want to stand too close.
I was scared I’d be too much, too boring, too awkward, something that would make you uncomfortable and take away from your night.
But then I sat down for a drink, trying to pull myself together for a moment.
And I heard my name across the venue.
It wasn’t you.
It was your friend.
I looked up, confused, why would she be calling me?
She came over and said you’d been looking for me everywhere.
Calling my phone. Asking people. Running through the whole place.
I didn’t even have time to process it properly before I felt someone grab my arm.
It was you.
Breathing fast. Excited. Frustrated. Out of breath from searching.
„Where have you been”, you said, half laughing, half relieved.
„I looked everywhere.”
And I just stood there, stunned.
Because you were actually looking for me.
You pulled me with you immediately, through the crowd, the noise, the dance floor.
Holding my hand tightly, moving like we were trying to lose something, or someone, inside the chaos.
Lights flashing above us, music shaking everything around us, bodies everywhere.
But even with all of that, I could hear you clearly. Not through words, but through the way you moved. The way you pulled me forward. The way you kept checking if I was still there.
Every few moments, you’d turn back, just to see me.
Your hand kept finding mine again.
Holding it tighter each time, like you needed to make sure I wouldn’t slip away.
Our fingers dancing when they touched like this was common for them.
Sometimes you wouldn’t even speak.
You’d just come over, pull me closer, and kiss me, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Maybe it was the alcohol giving you more confidence to do the things you did, to hold me that tight, to kiss me without hesitation. But it didn't feel like a blur, but it felt like a confession.
Even when I had to sit down after twisting my leg, you kept coming back.
Every few minutes. No explanation. No distance. Just you appearing again, like you couldn’t stay away for long.
And somewhere in all of that, I stopped trying to disappear.
Because you didn’t let me.
You kept me with you, right in the middle of the noise, the lights, the people.
Like I wasn’t someone you had to search for
but someone you already knew you wanted beside you.
So I stayed.
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 5:50 AM UTC