I’ve had the doors of eternity closed in my face
Seen countless forevers denied
Futures I prayed for gone without a trace
Now I wonder if I will ever find my happily ever after
Or if I will be stuck in an endless loop
A loop of naïve hope that falls into endless despair
Fondness giving way to distance
Smiles breaking into anguished sobs
Joyful dreams giving way to heart-wrenching nightmares
Summer’s warm embrace to winter’s frosty bite
Magical beginnings always lead to tragic endings
Maybe I do this to myself
I am caught in a whirlwind,
The same recurring spiral
I run towards misery
Always craving its company
I am enamored by this suffering
With only myself to blame
Because no matter how I get hurt
I bask in the heartache
No matter how hot the flames
I’ll indulge in the burns
From the sharpest of knives
I shall savor the cuts
And from the most brutal of beatings
I welcome the bruises.
Because the pain is proof of life,
And the agony justifies my existence.
A cycle repeated became a pattern
A pattern sustained turned to habit
A habit indulged became a ritual
A ritual embraced turned to addiction
Addiction unfettered became an obsession
Obsession unabated became my ruin
But still I tried to run from my old ways
Whimsically hoping for a different outcome
Knowing that I am caught in a perpetual sequence
I find
I love
I live
I lose
And yet, I try again
With flowery words I romanticize my insanity,
Repeating the same mistakes
Rewriting an olden script in a new font
Scribbling the same ideas with blood red ink
On pages the color of regret and dismay
In a book that holds all the fragments of my soul
But still, I write
I always fight to make it to the end of the tunnel
But the light at the end keeps moving
Or maybe I always fall short
Either way,
I never quite seem to make it all the way
For all my steps forward
I always seem to circle back
Even now,
As I carry the ashes of what was to be my forever
I finally see my folly
I am but a man plagued by misfortune
I am but a sailor lost in a turbulent sea
I’d hoped to see a phoenix rise from what I cradle
But instead I am swallowed by waves that beggar belief
And for once I will not run to shore
I will stay and drown.
Because for all my swimming,
My head has never been above the water
For all my effort,
I never seem to get it right
With every piece of my heart that I have given,
I never seem to find one that fits what is left of mine
And after every single battle I win,
I always seem to lose the war.
Like a moth to the flame,
I always seem to seek heartbreak.
Nov 19, 2025
Nov 19, 2025 at 2:03 PM UTC
I never thought losing would feel so good
In a world where I am told never to admit defeat
Where my worth is measured in the battles won
In the scars and scabs littered on my form
In wars waged in silence
In how chipped and shattered
How bruised and battered
How ruined
How ****** up I am
And how brave a face I put on
I could have never imagined relief coming from conceding
From admitting I have been bested
From admitting I lost my heart to an angel
Now on a cold night I sit staring at a cloudless sky
Painting its empty canvas with dreams
Dreams of a world where the heart I crave beats for me
Dreams of a universe where my cold hand is warmed by yours
Dreams of finding my diamond in this rough world
Dreams of seeing your eyes brighten as I walk in a room
Dreams that turn into fantasies
Fantasies of flesh touching
Figures entwining
Windows fogged
Breaths shortened
Thirst quenched
Hunger sated
Bodies fed
Souls healed
Hearts mended
Fantasies so vivid they border on fallacy
I lose grasp of what is real and what I imagine
Because in both the real and the fake
I center you
I yearn for you
In both the real and the fake
I worship you
Whether it’s the world I dream up
Or the world I wake in
The world I make up
Or the world I’ll die in
The world where I can keep up
Or the world I don’t want to be in
The world I smile in
Or the one I shed my tears in
You are the main character
Be it reality or fiction
On you, I fixate
And whatever is wrong in you
I wish to fix it
Whatever is right in you
I wish to feel it
And whoever you want with you
I want to be him
What was meant to be a small spark has burned
Ingrained in my soul is the imprint of your palm
A palm that has held my fractured soul and patched it up
A palm that has warmed a condemned soul with a touch
The soft touch of the woman who will one day be mine
Alas, all of this only happens on my dark canvas
Reality begs to differ
In this world you are but a figment of my imagination
A stray thought given life by yearning
A prayer whispered on the loneliest of nights
A wish echoing throughout the universe
Uttered by the last vestige of a sad soul
An ever-present thought in the back of an unstable mind
You are fiction made real
Perfection personified
Purity given form
But can I really ever have you?
On the nights when the world is loud
When my mind is straining
When the brass bars that cage the dark are creaking
The slow hum of my psyche rusting away echoes deep
The scars etched on my soul split open, spilling the ghosts of all my past woes upon me
And in that final moment before despair gives way to death
I think of you
Of how gently my soul would rest in your hands
How tenderly you would trace the calluses on my heart
How softly you would tend to my aches
How warmly you would hold my trembling frame
How my angel would wrap me in her wings
How my goddess would fly me away
The echoes of lost dreams
The remnants of hope
The fragments of joy
The traces of happiness
The embers of passion
The shadows of past light
The ashes of a shattered core
All amalgamate into one final push
A last stand that will echo through the world
A cry that will shake the unseen
A yell of pure anguish
A desperate wail for you to hear
All this is yet again wishful thinking
Because no matter how hard I try
No matter how much I strain myself
All that comes out is a quiet whisper
A murmur from my fading self that I hope your soul will hear
So I promise to hold on for as long as I can
I will hold the patchwork of what is left together until you come
Keep the demons at bay until my answered prayer comes
Hold off the darkness until you shine your light on me
Keep my sanity intact for you
Because there is only so much time left when your blood runs cold
When a heart that should pump red now bleeds tears
A soul that should feel fiercely is numbed
A smile that would be real is faked
Eyes that would sparkle are dimming
So hurry up and find me before I go
Hurry up and come home
Nov 8, 2025
Nov 8, 2025 at 11:12 AM UTC
My story starts the same as all stories
With the birth of a child
The embodiment of innocence
Quick to laugh with no malice in my heart
An easy smile and a twinkle in my eyes
Since I wasn't born or raised in a tower
Since I wasn't locked away from the world
I looked, I saw and I changed.
The twinkle dimmed down
As I became a shadow of who I was
The smiles became fewer and far between
As my identity slipped away, replaced by masks
Masks forced onto me so I can fit in
To make my place in society I had to make personas
Different people living in the same body
So many that I lost the original and it is for the best
The small child I was wouldn't survive in this world
So I immerse myself in my act and keep up the faces
I switch through them daily, all for acceptance
Acceptance from a people who like me live behind masks
Weaved according to the people they want to be
Identities put together from subtly imitating others
It may be something small like the handwriting or speech pattern
Or the way of walking or even the accent
It is done subconsciously and we give it no thought
As we assemble different traits to create our person
We paint our image to resemble that of another
Who himself is painted according to another
A vicious cycle of mimickery and falsehood
Just another day under the Sun.
My heart is now an empty husk of broken pieces
A collection of shattered parts
Stuck together by the force of my will
I was told it would never lead me astray
And I followed it to my doom
I grew to hopes of true love
And dreams of being a knight in shining armor
So I was quick to give my heart
And I paid for my ignorance
With restless nights and dull days
With sweat, tears and pain
I got my due
So I did what anyone would do
I changed
Gone was the big heart full of illusions
In its place a stone wall
Raised from the bricks you threw at me
I took the ache and used it to cloud my face with indifference
As a last resort and as my final defense
Behind which lies a shell
And now I ask myself why I didn't follow the code
A code instilled in every boy and man
You see, I was raised in a happy home
I saw the look in my parents eyes and I believed
But as I grew I was told emotions are weakness
And love is non-existent
That a man's tears should never fall
So never give them a chance to
And that life may leave but pride is all
And this was the code
Yet I still believed
I stripped down of it all
Even the pride that I struggle to keep
And I look back on it as I weep
I guess heartless would have been the better way to be.
My laughter disappeared as the smile left my face
My joy turned to cynicism
I speak in harsh tones due to the snark in my voice
I became a resentful creature
And I blame the world for my waste.
My innocence dragged down to oblivion
By the weight of my sins
My mistakes hold me back like chains on my shins
I am shackled by regrets
They're the cuffs on my wrists
And when my time comes to be a father
I will bend my knees and look to the skies
And beg the Lord to have pity on my son
May he not suffer his wrath for the sins of his Dad
May he survive the ways of man
May he hold his head high and stand against the world
May he love, may he weep, may he laugh, may he live
May he find joy, may he beat sin
There is no atonement for me but there is a chance for him
And when I lay on my death bed I will spare a glance to the past
And grieve for the child I was and the man I have become
And when Death knocks on my door and whispers in my ear
"We are going to Hell; you're coming with me"
I will look into his eyes with a smile and ask
"When do we leave?"
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 11:26 AM UTC
Player, player
Watch your game
An ace from the deck of hearts
A weaver of words
An enchanter and a charmer
A liar, a breaker and a faker
An atrocity for some
A role model for more
A flawed human for none
The views vary and intertwine
Like the guilt he carries from acting like a swine
Blends with the reason he won't leave it all behind
Why?
Is it because he is a heartless monster?
He enjoys breaking hearts as he pleases
He is a ******* who plays with the feelings of women
He is a macho who chases, charms, uses and dumps
He views women as an object for his carnal pleasure
He is as bad as they come and he doesn't care
He has no morals
He is a menace
Or is it because he doesn't know any better?
Is it because he was raised in a society which approved and encouraged him?
Was he born that way or was he nurtured by the same society that now condemns him
Is it because he was taught that emotions are weakn ess
And that in his search for validation he lost himself and became what he is
Is it because he was told that a man's tears should never flow
That he now fears putting himself in a position which would allow it
As he is a lone soul navigating through life
Do you blame him for doing what everyone else is doing
Do you blame him for trying to the fit in the patriarchal society he was born into
Or do you blame yourselves for allowing yet another man to be lead astray
For making him what he is today?
I am in no way excusing his actions because he is grown
And he knows what he is doing is wrong
But my question is this,
Is it because he doesn't care or he just doesn't know how to?
We are quick to judge but never admit our own faults
Where there are thieves, killers and rapists
There is also a society that set up the conditions that lead to their existence
There is a people that hush up and hide crimes against their own blood
All for the sake of keeping face
We downplay the pain and dismiss it as attention seeking
While we preach the gospel of heartlessness
And still we rush to judge the product of our teachings
Blame a man for his actions
But remember we grow into what we become
So yes, blame him for his actions but question the reasons
And try to understand the reasoning behind the reasons
You'll be surprised what you find.
So player player
Watch your game
You were not born, you were made
You're not the only one to blame
Mar 9, 2019
Mar 9, 2019 at 7:50 AM UTC
Dear demoiselle en détresse,
I’m sorry I’m not the prince charming you expected
Who would run after you as the clock hit midnight
Or fight my way through all perils to free you from your slumber with a kiss
I’m sorry I’m the one who would rather spend his evening in his room
Surrounded by books rather than waste the night away at a party
The one who’s idea of a perfect date is eating our way through a pizza
While talking about everything and nothing
Instead of a candlelight dinner making promises we both know we can’t keep
The one who ***** with the jocks
Reads with the nerds
Hangs with the stoners
Says hi to the outcasts
The one who belongs everywhere and nowhere at the same time
The loner
The one who would love you for the color of yours eyes over what catches the eye
The one who would love the words coming out of your lips over the sway of your hips
The one who would ask you about your favorite book instead of the number followers you have
I’m sorry I am the guy who would trick the dragon instead of fighting it
I’m sorry I ain’t the knight in shining armor
I’m just the guy telling him where to strike with his sword
And even if you look past that
I’m sorry I want a companion who would ride by my side
Not a trophy wife to hang and brag about
I’m sorry I always ***** my finger on the thorns of the roses
Which is why next time I’ll pray for a sunflower
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 2:07 AM UTC
It was a normal day when fate put you in my way
A gift or punishment, I'll never know
You were a revelation, a sight from heaven
At the time I had forgotten that the devil himself was an angel
And you were a perfect advocate with your skinny jeans, crop top and sneakers
So I fell hard and with no restraint
For your attention I'd endure every pain
For your love, I'd walk through the strain
I took it all in my stride all for hope
Hope that you would notice me
Hope that it would finally click that I'm the only one for you
I was wrong
Oh, how I was wrong
But like every man blinded by love and lust
From afar I could swear you knew
You knew just what to do to make me sink deeper
That extra sway in your hip when I was in the room
That mesmerized me so much I didn't notice it was for the man you'll leave with soon
That fleeting look you would throw my way
That drowned me so deep in those hazelnut eyes
I didn't see you were just looking at the mirror behind me
The way you'd brush against my arm in a crowd
Your perfume twisted, turned, tore, shred me and put me back together
But too late for me to realize you had just slipped
But how could I have noticed with the smile you leveled my way
Even now I still feel my heart pounding when I remember how you said my name
It was an innocent gesture
But for a drowning man your voice was the rope to shore
You were both my illness and my cure
I craved for you
I dreamt of you
I cried for you
I took humiliation after humiliation for you
I took you friend's jokes
I took the ribbing, I took the pokes
I took the taunts, I took the laughter
I took the leers, I took the sneers
I took the critics, I took the insults
They said I didn't deserve you
They said I never had a chance
But I brushed it all off
You know why?
Because they were only repeating why my heart told me every night
Because I knew
Lord knows I knew
I knew you were too good
I knew you were not meant for me
I knew you were never going to be mine
I knew I was just another random person in your life
But who would have blamed you for not noticing me
I was nothing big
I didn't catch the eye
I wasn't the star ball player
I wasn't the rich *******
I wasn't the celebrity
I was invisible
So I should have known something was wrong when you noticed
I should have questioned why you finally saw me
But hope is a tricky thing
And when it has planted its roots in your heart
It grows
And my hope grew indeed
Watered by your voice, your touch, your presence
In essence you were the fuel
You turned the flames in my heart into a blazing inferno
And under the shade of a palm tree when you touched your lips to mine
When you fulfilled my fantasy
I was too far gone
I was sold
And I paid for it
With my tears
With broken pieces of my heart
With the ache in my chest
With the sting in my eyes
I paid.
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 2:04 AM UTC