I can’t help but wonder,
What happened to you?
Did you ever find peace,
After all you’d been through?
It’s been more than five years,
Since I last saw your face,
But I remember the tears,
At our final embrace.
We shared so much laughter,
On 31st street.
But when life forced us apart,
The joy turned bittersweet.
If I saw you again,
Would it be like old times?
What would run through your head,
If I showed you these rhymes?
Would you respond to a message,
If I were to hit send?
Has life been good to you?
Has time been your friend?
I wonder who you’ve become,
And if you’re out there too,
Do you wonder about me,
How I wonder about you?
Jan 16, 2022
Jan 16, 2022 at 11:18 PM UTC
Last night the truth faced me,
And looked me in the eye,
Death never promised,
That we’ll say goodbye.
It can come in the night,
And steal you away,
Like an endless dream,
Like a beast and its prey.
I’ll wake in the morning,
To find that you’re gone,
That life left your eyes,
Long before dawn.
And I’ll have been powerless,
To save you from death.
I couldn’t lend you my heartbeat,
Or transplant my breath.
You’ll have slipped out of my reach,
And I’ll have to live knowing,
That you’ll never come back,
And I’ll have to keep going.
Last night the truth faced me,
And told me in my ear,
No matter how much I love you,
I can’t keep you here.
Jan 15, 2022
Jan 15, 2022 at 10:10 PM UTC
~
Look at this girl
With wildfire eyes,
Beautiful flames
That will burn you alive.
Look at this girl,
A tornado in skin.
She tears through hell
With a bone chilling grin.
You think you know
That she’s numb to the pain,
That novocaine
Somehow runs through her veins,
But her wildfire eyes
Hold tales she won’t tell.
Her bone-chilling grin
Is just to spite hell.
You’ve become passive,
So absently blind.
Her fiery facade
Has convinced you she’s fine.
But her wildfire eyes
Can’t relieve her lament.
Her bone chilling grin
Can’t change hell’s torment.
She’s dying alive
As the fires of hell churn.
She’s not fireproof,
And she feels every burn.
This girl that you see,
And her wildfire eyes?
They’re beautiful flames,
That burn her alive.
~
May 17, 2021
May 17, 2021 at 10:09 PM UTC
Winter is as delicate a time
As the dainty snowflakes
That land on your windshield
That you swipe away with a flick of a switch
It’s here one moment and gone the next
And yet
It drags on
Most welcome december
It's the happiest time of the year
According to all the songs
I hear everyone tell me
Joy to the world
But sometimes all it is
Is cold
Gifts with pretty red bows
Under trees with colored lights
I try to see the beauty
But it’s hard without naive eyes
I know the brokenness behind the smiles
And the crushing pain
Of loneliness
But the colored lights lining the roofs
Only last for a month
And then come down
The cheery songs on the radio fade
And the world goes back
To honking cars
And darkness
The sun leaves early
And comes late
The cold nips harder every day
School begins again
And the shiny new toys get put away
Heirlooms go back to storage
So do the smiles
And the season
Drags
On
Until time finds the switch
For the windshield wipers
And the delicate winter
Is swiped away
With nothing to show for it
But some new things
And a frostbitten heart
Dec 28, 2020
Dec 28, 2020 at 9:48 PM UTC
I guess I hoped that you
Would get some sleep last night
That come the break of dawn
Things would be alright
But here we are again
And you haven’t slept a wink
Relapse is a ghastly cavern
And you’re standing on the brink
You’re smiling like a maniac
And you rattle on and on
But I was up late worrying
Forgive me if I yawn
Your eyes are open wide
Like you’ve had too much caffeine
I know where this is going
But you’ve made it three years clean
If you could just get sleep
Maybe you’d wake up okay
And these monsters that you battle
Would simply go away
I lie to myself now
Just so I can make it through
I know that you’re in pain
But don’t you know, I’m hurting too?
I know it’s not my battle
And I can’t make you see the light
But I’m so tired of the darkness
And I’m so weary from the fight
And I guess I hoped by now
That this would’ve come to pass
But since it didn’t, won’t you try
To get some sleep at last
Oct 8, 2020
Oct 8, 2020 at 10:51 PM UTC
I want to fix it all
When I see you like tonight
I’ll fast forward time to show you
That there will be morning light
I’ll show you life’s not over
I’ll show you night will end
I will find a way to help
I’ll prove you have a friend
And I’ll prove I’ll stay with you
When you think you’re all alone
I’ll make you question all the lies
That you think you know
I’ll protect you from yourself
I’ll repair what’s broke inside
If my resolve could fix it
You’d never want to die
I lie to myself now
That I can make it all okay
I know you want to leave this life
I tell myself I’ll make you stay
I’ll find a way to make it better
I’ll wipe away your tears
Because it hurts too much to imagine
A world where you’re not here
Sep 13, 2020
Sep 13, 2020 at 6:49 PM UTC
When I fall in love with you
Will you fall in love with me
Will you stay through thick and thin
Or will you leave me when you see
The smile vanish from my face
On those dark depressing nights
When laughter is replaced with tears
Will you flee the sorry sight
When you see me take my pills
Will it scare you off too much
Will the white lines on my wrist
Rob me of your tender touch
When I start to talk your ear off
While I’m in a manic craze
Will you stop and listen
Or dismiss it as a phase
And when the darkness scares me
Will you hold me till it passes
When my life goes up in flames
Will you pull me from the ashes
I’ll tell you I’m a wreck
And all you’ll get from me is pain
Will you agree with me and tell me
How much of you I drain
Or will you look at me and say
You’ve seen all there is to see
And say the words I yearn to hear
That you still love me
Sep 11, 2020
Sep 11, 2020 at 4:28 PM UTC
I hate myself for talking
I inevitably do
And I wonder if you’d been so mean
If you really knew
That I would cry for hours
Hate myself for days
Stare blankly into mirrors
Until my worn eyes glazed
That for years it would haunt me
I’d replay the words I said
Your disgusted look
Tattooed inside my head
That I’d lie awake at night
Clawing at my skin
Because I hated what I knew
Was lying deep within
And I wonder if you’d been so cruel
Had you truly known
What it’s like to live with autism
How it feels to sit alone
Aug 6, 2020
Aug 6, 2020 at 11:14 PM UTC
It’s funny really
How I know the names of my poisons
Most people never know what they drank
Until it’s too late
But I take mine with food twice a day
Maybe that means I’m mad
Aug 5, 2020
Aug 5, 2020 at 12:52 AM UTC
I heard the news
Maybe he meant for me to see
Slipped out in a 3-person text thread
Funny it was only news to me
Aug 2, 2020
Aug 2, 2020 at 7:46 PM UTC