I was beautiful,
I hope to never be beautiful again.
I grow more authentically repulsive,
And alive
And real
And free
And happy.
I will never need beauty again.
Nov 10, 2023
Nov 10, 2023 at 9:57 AM UTC
They say god is everywhere, right?
That its helpful, that it loves us?
Where was god when I almost died?
In his hands, My neck, his knife?
Where was god the second time?
In his smile, at the end of My life?
Where, when I was abused?
In their voices, their hands, My fear?
Where is god now its over?
In My flashbacks, shaking, in tears?
Where was god when I was bullied?
In the school, in the kids, in the words?
Where was god through all those years?
Lonely, cornered, unheard.
Where is god now? Im still suffering
In My struggles, in My life, in My work?
They say god is everywhere, right?
it's never helped Me, that's for sure.
Sep 10, 2019
Sep 10, 2019 at 5:01 AM UTC
Looking at the window
You come into my room
Cuddling with you
In the dark
As trust begins to bloom
Knocking at my window
I see you crouching there
It's late at night
You slide inside
And gently stroke my hair
Tapping at my window
A pillow in your hand
Soon stained dark red
And damp with tears
You're best in all the land
Food left at my window
You try to apologise
I eat it up
And it's enough
To ignore all our goodbyes
Banging at my window
You think we still belong
You're furious that
I start to know
Something's clearly wrong
Rocks thrown at my window
And once again I'm scared
Your fingers wrap
Around my throat
But I no longer care
Police are near my window
Because I finally gave up hope
No more trying for
A guy who keeps me
Treading slowly on tightrope
Nobody's at the window
But still I feel your eyes
Such a shame
That none of us
Predicted our demise.
May 13, 2019
May 13, 2019 at 2:54 PM UTC
Another me is holding his hand
The park we shared is yours now
The sweets and treats and pleasant things
Disaster, yet you don't see how
Let's hope you survive him
Clouds roll in and rain pours down
And you'll forgive the storm
You'll attack the weatherman
When the reports begin to warn
Lets hope you survive him
Another me inspects the mirror
Full of fear, self-hatred and doubt
Even when the door is wide open
You're too guilt-ridden to get out
Let's hope you survive him
By now, your bedroom is your tomb
His knife has twisted deep
It's over now, his boredom slays
And your soul he claims to keep
And now I hope you're resting sweet
In a grave that's soft and kind
For the memory is no mercy
To a stubborn, struggling mind.
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 12:52 PM UTC
Do you still plot your moves?
Meticulously planning your next attack,
Obsessing over the board,
Chasing checkmate after checkmate,
Even though the game is over.
Or is it? Do I understand you now?
Pawns surround a trembling king,
Bringing back information,
About "innocent" steps,
And knights abducted.
The game continues, making mockery
And playing hangman with your ill intent.
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 9:44 AM UTC
Everyone has an urge
They usually don't admit
Some are worse than others
Some play around with it
The difference between us monsters
Is lack of self control
You gave in to your urge
And now I have no soul
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 4:06 PM UTC
I don't mind that you thought he was kind.
I'm learning his techniques, and they upset my insides.
I'm learning the ways to get under your skin.
I can open you up, and slither right in.
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 3:26 PM UTC
Emotion hits, and it's clear you aren't dead.
You never were, you were simply buried alive.
You've been dug up now.
You can feel now,
And you kinda wish you couldn't.
Oct 17, 2018
Oct 17, 2018 at 7:44 AM UTC
There are words I hear everyone say
"This isn't how children should play"
But am I a child
Once I've been defiled?
Everything is rotting away
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 6:33 PM UTC
When you're in the moment, you feel so numb
And when you feel nothing, you think you're strong.
When you escape from that moment,you come undone,
And then you will find you've been suffering all along.
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 10:28 AM UTC