Tyus1 - Hello Poetry

Dear Adam, We have gone from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other for months. From only being 20 miles away from you to being 1,570 miles away from you. From sleeping next to you pretty much every night to sleeping next to an empty space, always waiting for you. From being each others best friend to being each others biggest enemy. We have been through it all, together. We've gone through stages of pure bliss. Where seeing you all day everyday isn't enough. Where I can't kiss you enough or show my appreciation to you enough. To going through stages of constant fighting. Where everything you say or do is wrong. We have gone through it all, together. We have survived you leaving. Those 8 long weeks of only being able to write while you were at basic. We have survived through countless arguments. We have survived the heartache of missing someone so much for so long. We have survived all the bad memories from my past and all of my anxiety attacks. We have survived through my stages of depression. Where I can barely get myself to get up and get out of bed. We have survived it all, together. I know that I am not perfect and that neither are you. But I believe that together, everything is perfectly imperfect. I believe that together we can make it through anything that life decides to throw our way. I believe that together we are stronger than anything else in this world. I believe in us. Because together, we are perfect.

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Mar 12, 2020

Mar 12, 2020 at 11:30 PM UTC

Dear Adam

Dear Adam, We have gone from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other for months. From only being 20 miles away from you to being 1,570 miles away from you. From sleeping next to you pretty much every night to sleeping next to an empty space, always waiting for you. From being each others best friend to being each others biggest enemy. We have been through it all, together. We've gone through stages of pure bliss. Where seeing you all day everyday isn't enough. Where I can't kiss you enough or show my appreciation to you enough. To going through stages of constant fighting. Where everything you say or do is wrong. We have gone through it all, together. We have survived you leaving. Those 8 long weeks of only being able to write while you were at basic. We have survived through countless arguments. We have survived the heartache of missing someone so much for so long. We have survived all the bad memories from my past and all of my anxiety attacks. We have survived through my stages of depression. Where I can barely get myself to get up and get out of bed. We have survived it all, together. I know that I am not perfect and that neither are you. But I believe that together, everything is perfectly imperfect. I believe that together we can make it through anything that life decides to throw our way. I believe that together we are stronger than anything else in this world. I believe in us. Because together, we are perfect.

9

Our last few days were filled with so much bliss But now I sit here just wishing for one more kiss You packed your things and walked away Only turning back to tell me to stay Now you are there and I am here I’m all alone and drowning in fear But every time I try to talk People just sit there and gawk How can she be so selfish they ask She doesn’t have to fulfill such a big task “What about him” they all agree But no one seems to bother to ask what about me You left everything behind After that contract was signed Now you do what they say Knowing they won’t lead you astray You paid a huge price Just to try and give us a better life All people see Are the sacrifices you made for me “What about him” they all agree And again everyone forgets... what about me I gave you my heart But that was just the start I gave you my all I told you I was in it for the long haul But now I am all alone Only able to talk to you through the phone I try my best to make things easy for us Trying not to make a big fuss But I am expected to do whatever you say Like there is no other way And I am supposed to blindly follow every decision you make No matter what is at stake They all want you to be happy Without me getting snappy They look at me like I hold you back Or like I am going to throw your whole life off track I just want to do what is best And forget all of the rest But I get no say So it doesn’t matter anyway I’m stuck here Feeling broken and insecure Just trying to be ok So that everyone else can go on with their day “What about him” they all agree But this time I ask “What about me?”

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Dec 15, 2019

Dec 15, 2019 at 8:21 PM UTC

What About Me?

Our last few days were filled with so much bliss But now I sit here just wishing for one more kiss You packed your things and walked away Only turning back to tell me to stay Now you are there and I am here I’m all alone and drowning in fear But every time I try to talk People just sit there and gawk How can she be so selfish they ask She doesn’t have to fulfill such a big task “What about him” they all agree But no one seems to bother to ask what about me You left everything behind After that contract was signed Now you do what they say Knowing they won’t lead you astray You paid a huge price Just to try and give us a better life All people see Are the sacrifices you made for me “What about him” they all agree And again everyone forgets... what about me I gave you my heart But that was just the start I gave you my all I told you I was in it for the long haul But now I am all alone Only able to talk to you through the phone I try my best to make things easy for us Trying not to make a big fuss But I am expected to do whatever you say Like there is no other way And I am supposed to blindly follow every decision you make No matter what is at stake They all want you to be happy Without me getting snappy They look at me like I hold you back Or like I am going to throw your whole life off track I just want to do what is best And forget all of the rest But I get no say So it doesn’t matter anyway I’m stuck here Feeling broken and insecure Just trying to be ok So that everyone else can go on with their day “What about him” they all agree But this time I ask “What about me?”

49

When I am With You When I look into your deep blue eyes It always catches me by surprise It’s like you see right through me And see the person I am meant to be When I see your contagious smile All my troubles leave for a while And I can’t help but smile back Even if it takes me off track When I hear your dorky laugh It makes me laugh until I am half Crying half-laughing all while trying To keep myself from literally dying When I am wrapped up in your arms It’s like they are magical charms They protect me from all of my fears And hold me tight until sleep nears When I hug you tight Everything in the world feels right I’m right where I belong And it feels as if nothing can go wrong When I hold your hand I feel like I can stand With you by my side And not feel like I have to hide When I kiss your lips My heart feels like it skips A beat and my thoughts never roam Because it finally feels like I am home When I am with you I know that there is nothing I can’t get through Because as long as you’re by my side There is nothing that our love can’t abide I have finally found where I belong And for as long as our love is strong My heart will forever be yours Because you have finally opened the doors And shown me that I am home

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Sep 16, 2019

Sep 16, 2019 at 4:05 PM UTC

When I am With You

When I am With You When I look into your deep blue eyes It always catches me by surprise It’s like you see right through me And see the person I am meant to be When I see your contagious smile All my troubles leave for a while And I can’t help but smile back Even if it takes me off track When I hear your dorky laugh It makes me laugh until I am half Crying half-laughing all while trying To keep myself from literally dying When I am wrapped up in your arms It’s like they are magical charms They protect me from all of my fears And hold me tight until sleep nears When I hug you tight Everything in the world feels right I’m right where I belong And it feels as if nothing can go wrong When I hold your hand I feel like I can stand With you by my side And not feel like I have to hide When I kiss your lips My heart feels like it skips A beat and my thoughts never roam Because it finally feels like I am home When I am with you I know that there is nothing I can’t get through Because as long as you’re by my side There is nothing that our love can’t abide I have finally found where I belong And for as long as our love is strong My heart will forever be yours Because you have finally opened the doors And shown me that I am home

38

The ink on my skin Doesn’t define who I am So if that changes your view Of the person that I am Then I don’t know what to say Because that ink on my skin Is there as a reminder It is a reminder of the hell I suffered through for countless years The ink on my skin Tells a little bit of my story And if you can’t accept that Then I’ll tell my story to someone else Because I am not ashamed And I don’t regret the decision Of putting my story on my skin

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Jul 26, 2018

Jul 26, 2018 at 9:37 PM UTC

The Ink On My Skin

The ink on my skin Doesn’t define who I am So if that changes your view Of the person that I am Then I don’t know what to say Because that ink on my skin Is there as a reminder It is a reminder of the hell I suffered through for countless years The ink on my skin Tells a little bit of my story And if you can’t accept that Then I’ll tell my story to someone else Because I am not ashamed And I don’t regret the decision Of putting my story on my skin

16

You touched me when I didn’t want you to And I was so young I didn’t know what to do It was your own personal game Even though it filled me with shame I let it go on, maybe for a little too long Until I started to feel like I didn’t belong I shut myself out from the world And sat alone while my thoughts whirled Through my head, until I couldn’t stand To look at myself without feeling like I was under your command That was when everything started to go downhill And I began to start losing my will With all the emotions pulling me apart I could feel them begin to break my heart I could feel myself starting to drown in pain And it made me go insane Why did I feel so much guilt? It was making my self-confidence wilt Why did I feel so sad? Maybe because he was always like my second dad Why did I feel so insecure? Maybe because of what I had to endure Why did I feel so alone? Maybe because no one else had known Why did I feel so angry? After all, I was finally free Or so I thought at least But instead, it was like the pain just increased And I was back to square one Which was thinking about what he had done And asking myself why I mean for years we all thought he was a good guy Then came the nightmares And nothing else compares To the way they made me feel Because it was always so surreal Like I was reliving the day When all I wanted was for it to go away Why won’t the pain go away? But instead, it decides to stay I mean what did I do To deserve what you put me through? Maybe I will never know But I do know that I will grow Through everything you did Because god forbid I let another day go by Of me sitting in my room trying not to cry Because I am done Letting myself feel like you won

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Jul 24, 2018

Jul 24, 2018 at 10:20 PM UTC

What you did to me.

You touched me when I didn’t want you to And I was so young I didn’t know what to do It was your own personal game Even though it filled me with shame I let it go on, maybe for a little too long Until I started to feel like I didn’t belong I shut myself out from the world And sat alone while my thoughts whirled Through my head, until I couldn’t stand To look at myself without feeling like I was under your command That was when everything started to go downhill And I began to start losing my will With all the emotions pulling me apart I could feel them begin to break my heart I could feel myself starting to drown in pain And it made me go insane Why did I feel so much guilt? It was making my self-confidence wilt Why did I feel so sad? Maybe because he was always like my second dad Why did I feel so insecure? Maybe because of what I had to endure Why did I feel so alone? Maybe because no one else had known Why did I feel so angry? After all, I was finally free Or so I thought at least But instead, it was like the pain just increased And I was back to square one Which was thinking about what he had done And asking myself why I mean for years we all thought he was a good guy Then came the nightmares And nothing else compares To the way they made me feel Because it was always so surreal Like I was reliving the day When all I wanted was for it to go away Why won’t the pain go away? But instead, it decides to stay I mean what did I do To deserve what you put me through? Maybe I will never know But I do know that I will grow Through everything you did Because god forbid I let another day go by Of me sitting in my room trying not to cry Because I am done Letting myself feel like you won

50

“What’s wrong?” What’s wrong is that I can feel myself slipping Into that deep, dark place again. I want to tell someone So I don’t have to face it alone, But I feel like I am just wasting their time. I am starting to feel hatred towards myself, And I can’t even look at my own reflection anymore. I feel as if I am on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I am happy, then sad, then mad Until now because I just feel numb. I am exhausted, And it is the kind of exhaustion that not even sleep can fix. I am tired of trying. I am tired of life. “Nothing I’m fine, just tired I guess”

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Mar 26, 2018

Mar 26, 2018 at 9:04 PM UTC

What's wrong?

“What’s wrong?” What’s wrong is that I can feel myself slipping Into that deep, dark place again. I want to tell someone So I don’t have to face it alone, But I feel like I am just wasting their time. I am starting to feel hatred towards myself, And I can’t even look at my own reflection anymore. I feel as if I am on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I am happy, then sad, then mad Until now because I just feel numb. I am exhausted, And it is the kind of exhaustion that not even sleep can fix. I am tired of trying. I am tired of life. “Nothing I’m fine, just tired I guess”

16

What is your escape? Maybe it is writing all the words out on a page The ones that haunt your thoughts And hurt too much to say out loud Maybe it is drawing your dreams on a canvas Taking the faces and monsters from inside And letting them escape with the flick of a brush Maybe it is running far away from your reality Feeling the sweat drip down your face As you leave everything that once was, behind Maybe it is singing all your hearts desires Hearing the notes take on a life of their own As they drown out all of your worries Maybe it is dancing to the beat of your own drum Feeling your body tell its own story And changing the ending so it is yours This world is full of Hate, rage, dishonesty, and prejudice Just to name a few But it is also full of Love, kindness, hope, and respect Too The world has its’ own reality And it is up to you to decide If the worlds’ reality will be yours too Everyone needs to escape from the world Taking the time to think about no one But yourself Is it selfish? Yes but in order to show compassion One must first learn to be selfish for the right reasons So take the time to love yourself So you can learn to love other people too And tell me What is your escape?

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Mar 6, 2018

Mar 6, 2018 at 7:09 PM UTC

What is Your Escape?

What is your escape? Maybe it is writing all the words out on a page The ones that haunt your thoughts And hurt too much to say out loud Maybe it is drawing your dreams on a canvas Taking the faces and monsters from inside And letting them escape with the flick of a brush Maybe it is running far away from your reality Feeling the sweat drip down your face As you leave everything that once was, behind Maybe it is singing all your hearts desires Hearing the notes take on a life of their own As they drown out all of your worries Maybe it is dancing to the beat of your own drum Feeling your body tell its own story And changing the ending so it is yours This world is full of Hate, rage, dishonesty, and prejudice Just to name a few But it is also full of Love, kindness, hope, and respect Too The world has its’ own reality And it is up to you to decide If the worlds’ reality will be yours too Everyone needs to escape from the world Taking the time to think about no one But yourself Is it selfish? Yes but in order to show compassion One must first learn to be selfish for the right reasons So take the time to love yourself So you can learn to love other people too And tell me What is your escape?

35

Anxiety I wish it would go away But instead it decides to stay… You feel your pulse race You try find a safe place To curl up and cry Because all you want is to fly Away so no one has to see How unhappy you may be You walk into the room Someone asks “hey how you doing?” You start some small talk, but to your shock You get irritated over something small Uh oh, here starts your downfall You lay down and try to sleep But don’t worry, it won’t be deep Your mind will start to run It’ll make sure to have fun While it tears you apart And rips out your heart You try make new friends Maybe even tie up other loose odds and ends But you let your mask slip And start to lose your grip They think you are mad But really you’re just sad You try to explain But it turns out vain You start some meds Because everyone says Your mind is unstable And if you take these you might be able To start on a new path That won’t leave you a bloodbath You start to feel empty And think “why has everyone left me” You feel all alone Like you’ve been thrown Aside and forgotten Like something that's gone rotten You begin to wonder As you start to go under Why you feel the way you do If only you knew There is a variety Of ways to be attacked by anxiety.

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Mar 2, 2018

Mar 2, 2018 at 11:30 PM UTC

Anxiety

Anxiety I wish it would go away But instead it decides to stay… You feel your pulse race You try find a safe place To curl up and cry Because all you want is to fly Away so no one has to see How unhappy you may be You walk into the room Someone asks “hey how you doing?” You start some small talk, but to your shock You get irritated over something small Uh oh, here starts your downfall You lay down and try to sleep But don’t worry, it won’t be deep Your mind will start to run It’ll make sure to have fun While it tears you apart And rips out your heart You try make new friends Maybe even tie up other loose odds and ends But you let your mask slip And start to lose your grip They think you are mad But really you’re just sad You try to explain But it turns out vain You start some meds Because everyone says Your mind is unstable And if you take these you might be able To start on a new path That won’t leave you a bloodbath You start to feel empty And think “why has everyone left me” You feel all alone Like you’ve been thrown Aside and forgotten Like something that's gone rotten You begin to wonder As you start to go under Why you feel the way you do If only you knew There is a variety Of ways to be attacked by anxiety.

47

Love is Never as it Seems If you love, I hope you see Not everything is as it’s made out to be. If you love, I hope you hurt Because that’s what you get for being a flirt. If you love, I hope you feel pain Maybe next time you’ll use your brain. If you love, I hope you’re strong Because no matter what you’ll always be wrong. If you love, I hope you hear When I say people disappear. If you love, I hope you learn People will let you crash and burn. If you love, I hope you know There’s not much worse you can undergo. If you love, I hope your tears stream Because love is never as it seems.

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Feb 28, 2018

Feb 28, 2018 at 9:41 PM UTC

Love is Never as it Seems

17

Depression It’s lurking in the shadows You slip into its’ clutch You hope it doesn’t show Not even a touch It makes you feel empty Like you do everything wrong Maybe it will be friendly And won’t string you along It burrows deep inside Slowly taking over your life You hide behind your disguise To get away from peoples’ hateful eyes It makes your world dark You push people away Just one tiny spark Could make you runaway It lets you sink You slowly run out of air But then you think Does anybody really care?

0

Feb 28, 2018

Feb 28, 2018 at 9:39 PM UTC

Depression

Depression It’s lurking in the shadows You slip into its’ clutch You hope it doesn’t show Not even a touch It makes you feel empty Like you do everything wrong Maybe it will be friendly And won’t string you along It burrows deep inside Slowly taking over your life You hide behind your disguise To get away from peoples’ hateful eyes It makes your world dark You push people away Just one tiny spark Could make you runaway It lets you sink You slowly run out of air But then you think Does anybody really care?

21