You call me shy
And mock my every move
You make me fight
Just to prove myself to you...
Thoughts
You tell me lies
And trap me inside
You make me cry
Leaving me sleep deprived...
Isolation
You tell me I'm not wanted
And pierce my flesh with your impurities
Until I've gone too far
Killing me along with my insecurities...
Depression
You make my heart beat fast
Whenever someone walks past
You make me feel
Like everyone's judging me...
Anxiety
You remind me of everything I've done
Telling me I'll never be good enough
That I'll never be loved
Because I've done too much...
Regret
You lock me to the ground
Placing chains all around
You make me want to hide
From the world outside...
Fear
You take everything from me
Leaving me broken and hopeless
You drain my energy
And leave me restless
You make me nervous and anxious
Over absolutely nothing
You let me feel nothing but pain and suffering...
Life
Dec 29, 2018
Dec 29, 2018 at 8:04 PM UTC
Sleep deprived and weary-eyed
Thoughts of death and suicide
Hiding the pain and imperfections
Trying to exceed all expectations
Cutting and burning away insecurities
Saying, "I'm fine," and ignoring my feelings
Every day the same as before
Living and breathing becoming a chore
Waiting for something I know will never come
No reason not to pull the trigger of the gun
Waiting and waiting for something more
Running further and further, knocking at death's door
How much longer will I be here they ask me
I say, "I don't know." But I do, I'm just waiting
Five, four, three, two, one come and find me
Or not because if you don't I won't be breathing
Good bye world
You're all better off without me
Dec 28, 2018
Dec 28, 2018 at 11:00 PM UTC
The dripping of blood stolen by the blade
Tears streaming down her cheeks and rolling off her face
Flesh splitting open with just one slice
"Next time," she cries, "next time will be the last time."
But the truth is she doesn't really want to die
She just can't stand to live with the pain that she's in
The pain, the torture that only she can end
The next time she presses down even harder, heart beating fast
She counts down from ten and pulls the blade across her skin
The world around her growing dim
If only they would've cared
If only someone had been there
The reality of it all is sad to say the least
But the girl left there to bleed would surely disagree
She got exactly what she wanted - the end to her constant grief
Darkness destroyed by darkness, a soul at last put to peace...
Dec 28, 2018
Dec 28, 2018 at 2:31 PM UTC
I wish I weren't so shy
Maybe then I could tell you why
I have reason to hide
The way I feel inside
But I can't, because I'm shy...
I wish I could tell you
How much I love your smile
And how your existence
Makes life more worthwhile
But I can't, because I'm shy
Without you I am incomplete
I feel an emptiness deep inside
And not being able to tell you these things
Makes me want to cry
I wish I wasn't an introvert
Afraid of every guy
That simply says hi
As I happen to be walking by
I'm shy
Without a reason
And don't understand
Why this has to be
I don't want to be shy
At least not in front of you
I want you to know who I truly am
And tell you every reason why
I feel the need to hide
But can't, because I'm too shy...
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 2:34 AM UTC
Rejected
I am cast out
For no one cares
What I am thinking about
Love is overrated
And I do not deserve any of it
For I have done too much wrong
To be forgiven
I'd like to be loved
But what is that to you
You simply care
About nothing but yourself
You say things that burn a whole in me
You tell me to be
Someone I am not meant to be
You make me see the things
No one should ever have to see
Why can't you be more caring
And just love me the way I am
Instead of just staring at me
And pointing out my mistakes
Rejected and alone
I look for a home
But turn up emtpy
And completely unknown
Then you my father
Took me in again
Only to beat me
And put me in pain
For I am worthless to you
And deserve to be
Without any hope
To have or see
Having taken my last strike
I am dying from being alone
My whole entire life
If only I was loved
Then I would have something to strive
To be
To want
To have
But maybe
I'm better off alone
Drifting in the bottomless sea...
Oct 1, 2016
Oct 1, 2016 at 3:11 PM UTC
Animals are loving and kind
They know what you're thinking
Inside your drifting mind
They understand the pain you feel
All the time
They comfort you
Like no one else can
They sit in your lap
And lick your hand
They look into your eyes
And see the hurt deep within
Then move into action
To give you peace again
You love them
And cherish them
Like a true friend should
You guide them
And tell them
All about the world
How cruel and unforgiving
It can be
And then you tell them
The beauty of the sea
And all of the creatures that live within
How happy and wonderful they are
And how they don't have a bar
Keeping them trapped in a box
Of loneliness...
But then when they leave this earth
You feel an emptiness inside
You feel all of your joy start to subside
Then you finally come to see the truth behind it all
The truth that sets your happiness aside
And brings back all of the pain inside
For you have lost your one and only friend
Who has gone above and beyond
To love you within
Now that your best friend has left
There is no reason to be alive
You cared for that animal
And gave it your life
Now, no longer happy
But trying to stay alive
Forever stripped of your pride
You subside
To darkness
For light has not won
But failed to complete
The soul within
Now you must compete
To gain courage again
But now it's too late
You feel your heart stop
You freeze in place
Bracing for the drop
You feel the world fade
Before you had a chance to say
How sorry you were that you made a mistake
But now you are safe
In the realm of death
No longer living
You are without breath
Wanting to live
But instead you die
Even though you did your best
To try to stay alive
You failed and are now
Stripped of your pride
Death overcame
The moment gone
You say your prayers
For the last time
A part of you happy
A part of you sad
You were so different
And felt so bad
But don't worry
For you are no longer living
But you're still sorry
That it had to end
Good-bye world
I hope to see you again...
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 1:39 PM UTC
She was the runt
And I loved her
So why did you take her
She was the only one
Who could see
The pain inside of me
Why did you do it
She never did anything to deserve this
What she deserved was high respect
Yet you took her life
She was my only friend
And what a dreadful sight
To see my one true light
Deflate into the night
Right in front of me
Her blood red as wine
Dripping down her face
As I watched
Her life gave way
Her heart turned to ice
While I cried
I heard her breath suddenly subside
Realizing it was time
And she had just died
I mourned in grief
My heart full of pain
My mind full of hate
For she was my only hope
And had suddenly escaped
The world itself
And with her was my heart
Along with a gate
In which my trust and love was kept
Now left alone
To fend for myself
My thoughts drifting far away
To the day my beloved Leah
Was taken away....
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 1:26 AM UTC
They rejected me and mocked me,
And threw me away.
I remember their insults to this very day,
But I learned to forgive and forget all they'd said,
Even though I cry at night in bed.
For they know not of what they've done,
Now I don't hide, instead I run
Until I escape and get far away.
Then I can finally throw their insults away
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 11:11 PM UTC
I haven't a place in this world
I have no one to trust
I have a need to hide
I have a want to trust
I have a want to love
And to be loved for in return
I have a need to glove
My feelings and my hurt
So no one will every know
How much I feel like dirt...
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 10:56 PM UTC
I once fell in love,
I was the olive branch
He was the dove...
I thought it was true
That he loved me for me
For I never knew
It wasn't to be
The two of us together
For eternity...
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 10:55 PM UTC