I cannot think.
My carnal desires ravaging my mind and filling me with depression.
I cannot think.
****** thoughts pervading every moment and causing emotional regression.
I cannot think.
Without having thoughts of her giving others attention.
I cannot think.
More and more I am jealous of people that may have no intention.
I cannot think.
Is there a fog over my heart? Or just some misdirection.
I cannot think.
I do not know what to believe as there has been no correction.
I cannot think.
But also nothing concrete that has been within my detection.
I cannot think.
With every tease and touch I start to have another reflection.
I cannot think.
I cannot think with out a familiar, hateful, and painful recollection.
Mar 10, 2021
Mar 10, 2021 at 6:48 AM UTC
Sitting in quiet contemplation staring at the ceiling.
Senses overcome by these overwhelming feelings.
Is something wrong? Is it not you but me?
Of course I’m the cause what else could it be?
Are you cheating like my ex who I left to be happy with you?
Is it something I said, **** what the hell did I do?
Or is it all just in my head, because of all I just went through?
I love you my darling, though my brain won’t let it go.
If you want to leave I understand but I must know.
Something is wrong if not with you than with I.
I keep watching people I love pass me by.
I can not let you go, I have fallen so hard and so fast.
I really hope that this finally a relationship that will last.
I can not hide forever and hope I get brave before I’m in your past.
I will love you forever much like a few that came before.
Picking up what few pieces of me are still on the floor.
I write this not for you to see, but to let out these wretched contemplations,
Writhing within my head twisting my thoughts with vile machinations.
They have always been here and have ruined so much.
Making me question myself and leaving me out of touch.
Making me lean hard against my most faithful crutch.
Aug 7, 2020
Aug 7, 2020 at 6:52 AM UTC
Falling, flailing, descending to new lows,
Feel it wash over, from my head, to my toes,
I should already be dead, from so many blows,
But I guess one more? **** it who knows.
Spinning, grinning, laughing the whole way down,
Smile for a minute, before it turns to frown,
In these foolish emotions, I begin to drown,
Don't know whether to end it all, or just leave town.
I wish I were more, I wish I was smarter,
Wish I was stronger, wish I could fight harder,
Wish I had you, wish I didn't keep falling farther,
Wish I were a better man, and not just another martyr.
I am not worth much, this much is true,
It is much more, than just my point of view,
Its what happened over and again, I wish I had something new,
Wish I had what I wanted, I wish I had you...
Jul 18, 2015
Jul 18, 2015 at 1:18 AM UTC
Sitting, lying,
Alone in my bed,
Thinking, crying,
Thoughts in my head,
Is it a game?
Or am I confused?
Why is it shame?
When first I'm enthused,
What have I done?
What do I do?
When I see the sun,
And I wish to see you?
Do I sit and stare,
In envious rage?
When I want to be there,
Instead of this cage?
I love you so,
And it kills me to part,
I just want you to know,
You have my heart.
I wish we could be,
Though, it can't be so,
Just you and me,
But I already know,
So I won't ask,
I will accept my fate,
In your love, I bask,
And could never hate.
So again I say,
I am sorry,
For being this way,
And causing you worry,
I let myself,
Get too caught up,
When I should just shelf,
Anything I think up.
I wish it were easy,
To let it all go,
Easy, to not have you with me,
But **** it, do I need you so,
When I shed tears,
Don't fret darling,
It's only because my fears,
Are so very charming.
Goodnight, and good bye,
Only differ at the end,
They always make me cry,
But I try and pretend,
It doesn't burn,
But the fire is gigantic,
For you I yearn,
And my mind starts to panic.
I love you. Again,
And again, over once more,
So make me grin,
And forget before,
Even if its only for now,
And I hate myself when you away,
I wish there were a way how,
I could make you stay, just one more day.
Jun 11, 2015
Jun 11, 2015 at 4:40 AM UTC
Every time, it's always the same,
I fall in love, but it can never be,
Either circumstance, or it was just a game,
Is it always them? Or always me?
Am I just another one?
Am I just a waste?
Am I just a bit of fun?
Am I just a taste?
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 9:32 AM UTC
Alone again,
Paper and pen,
Writing a sad rhyme,
Need a friend,
My heart to mend,
Lost, and killing time,
Make my stand,
Grab your hand,
Holding on so tight,
Do what I can,
To be a man,
But day, falls to night,
So alone I sit,
Writing my fit,
Wondering if you feel the same.
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 10:19 PM UTC
Dragging on,
Dark to light,
Days are long,
As is the night,
But it is true,
Even after a day,
I still miss you,
As if you've been away,
For a lifetime and change.
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 9:55 AM UTC
Never chosen, but always a choice,
Scream out, but no one hears my voice,
Time and again, pushing every one away,
When all I do, is try to make them stay,
Do they not understand? Or simply ignore?
Do I scare them away? Like always before?
Is it a curse? Am I stuck here forever?
Building up ties, just so they can sever,
Do I ask too much? Then why never enough?
Should I stay away? Try to be tough?
Whoever I love, I know I won't be mine,
Forsaken to never have, and only pine?
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 12:57 AM UTC
I cry in the bathroom, at work, when I go,
Only to cry, or maybe do blow,
Never using the bathroom, for what it is meant for,
Just usually crying, staring at the door,
Everything gets to me, I cant keep it in,
So I shut the door, lock it, and begin,
Gotta sit down, too weak to stand,
No tears on your shirt, head in your hands,
Hide it well, they can't tell,
Inside you can only scream and yell.
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015 at 11:30 PM UTC
When we die, it shouldn't be sad,
Lived our lives, times we had,
Only depressing, if you never live it,
Take what you want, the world won't give it,
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015 at 11:15 PM UTC