Thomam111 - Hello Poetry

Time has a tendency to feel like forever and pass by in a second, 13 years have passed since I left last, Standing in the doorway one last time, I reminisce as I sit on the floor of my empty room, Small details I remembered just a few moments ago have begun to blur, I smile as I look at the pencil marks on the door increasing in height as the years past, I promised that I wouldn’t cry, This house, No; this home, Helped mold me into the person I am, The outlines of our hands and the hands of those before us line the crawl space walls, Marking our place in the homes history, A spot has been left for the next hands, So that they to can add to the history, The family portraits that line the hallways, Now bare empty holes, The photos packed away, Just a memory of what once was, The kitchen once filled with aromas, Smells of nothing now, Thirteen Christmas dinners prepared, All wiped away with a new coat of paint, This home I have loved, And was filled with love has moved away, So must I, I say goodbye and thank you,

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Dec 24, 2020

Dec 24, 2020 at 9:21 PM UTC

The End Of An Era

Time has a tendency to feel like forever and pass by in a second, 13 years have passed since I left last, Standing in the doorway one last time, I reminisce as I sit on the floor of my empty room, Small details I remembered just a few moments ago have begun to blur, I smile as I look at the pencil marks on the door increasing in height as the years past, I promised that I wouldn’t cry, This house, No; this home, Helped mold me into the person I am, The outlines of our hands and the hands of those before us line the crawl space walls, Marking our place in the homes history, A spot has been left for the next hands, So that they to can add to the history, The family portraits that line the hallways, Now bare empty holes, The photos packed away, Just a memory of what once was, The kitchen once filled with aromas, Smells of nothing now, Thirteen Christmas dinners prepared, All wiped away with a new coat of paint, This home I have loved, And was filled with love has moved away, So must I, I say goodbye and thank you,

26

My heart yearns to be heard, In a crowd of like minded people, Yet I silence my feelings, No one cares, No one understands, Why do I feel alone in a crowd, I am social on the media, I am connected to thousands of people, But I feel close to no one, Like this, Share that, I fail to understand how it is, The more friends, The less I have, My followers acknowledge my existence, They comment their thoughts, But that is all, I post to be noticed, Even if it’s just a glance, The taste of friendship is deceiving, The first sample is always free, Then the loneliness begins to settle in, You cry out for a friend, They comment their friendship, Yet no one will come to the rescue, To busy with their friendless followers, But don’t worry about me, Because loneliness is the closest friend to me.

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Mar 23, 2020

Mar 23, 2020 at 1:27 AM UTC

The Feeling of Loneliness

My heart yearns to be heard, In a crowd of like minded people, Yet I silence my feelings, No one cares, No one understands, Why do I feel alone in a crowd, I am social on the media, I am connected to thousands of people, But I feel close to no one, Like this, Share that, I fail to understand how it is, The more friends, The less I have, My followers acknowledge my existence, They comment their thoughts, But that is all, I post to be noticed, Even if it’s just a glance, The taste of friendship is deceiving, The first sample is always free, Then the loneliness begins to settle in, You cry out for a friend, They comment their friendship, Yet no one will come to the rescue, To busy with their friendless followers, But don’t worry about me, Because loneliness is the closest friend to me.

28

You see me, You hear me, You feel me, Yet you do not understand me, I am not perfect, My flaws are scars upon my face, I have tried to face my demons, But they drown me in my fears, I am fighting against the tide with pills and distractions, Yet the waves rise ten feet high, I have lost my own battles before, But not like this, There is nothing to silence the voices, That only I hear, The doubts and fears have drained me of my life, FEARS is who I am now, He is me, And I am him, FAERS I cry, Cry for relief, Yet it never comes, Anxiety plays me like a puppet, It’s strings are the fears that I fear, The man controlling me is no one, I am cutting the strings slowly, But I fear many things.

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Dec 8, 2019

Dec 8, 2019 at 5:46 PM UTC

Who Am I

You see me, You hear me, You feel me, Yet you do not understand me, I am not perfect, My flaws are scars upon my face, I have tried to face my demons, But they drown me in my fears, I am fighting against the tide with pills and distractions, Yet the waves rise ten feet high, I have lost my own battles before, But not like this, There is nothing to silence the voices, That only I hear, The doubts and fears have drained me of my life, FEARS is who I am now, He is me, And I am him, FAERS I cry, Cry for relief, Yet it never comes, Anxiety plays me like a puppet, It’s strings are the fears that I fear, The man controlling me is no one, I am cutting the strings slowly, But I fear many things.

27

To be honest, What is it, We construct promises, Built solely on hope and lies, Just to watch it fall... Is this what honesty is, Polite lies, Created for the ease of every person, Or to hide intentions, Hidden behind a vail of promises, Greed, power, fear, personal gain, I pray I’m an honest man, I hope that my Lies have not hurt, I believe that I did it to help, I didn’t mean it to hurt someone, Politicians can easily be blamed, We are clean, While everyone else is not, No one and everyone is to blame, I ask, Are you honest, Or is that a lie, What is honesty then,

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Dec 8, 2019

Dec 8, 2019 at 5:40 PM UTC

Honesty

To be honest, What is it, We construct promises, Built solely on hope and lies, Just to watch it fall... Is this what honesty is, Polite lies, Created for the ease of every person, Or to hide intentions, Hidden behind a vail of promises, Greed, power, fear, personal gain, I pray I’m an honest man, I hope that my Lies have not hurt, I believe that I did it to help, I didn’t mean it to hurt someone, Politicians can easily be blamed, We are clean, While everyone else is not, No one and everyone is to blame, I ask, Are you honest, Or is that a lie, What is honesty then,

23

I go to work and I have had a good day so far, I’m on the bus, Then it happens, I think to myself, -Hopefully work will be the same, I have a lot of stuff to do. I hope I’m going to make it on time. I know I will because I knew I would get anxiety from not being on time, -I’m going to be late and my boss is going to hate me. My breathing starts to become shallow, My stomach starts to clench, -I wonder if my boss thinks I’m a failure in his eyes? My stomach begins to hurt, Yet I continue to think deeper, -I hope that my boss won’t fire me as soon as he finds someone better. I smoke cigarettes to get my mind to fuzz, -I wonder if he hates me? The pain from my stomach becomes excruciating, -I think my coworkers think I’m slow. I try to hide the pain to keep some pride, -Why are all the people on the bus sitting at the front, am I scaring them? My breathing becomes very shallow and I forget to breath, -I need to get all of my assignments done soon. I become angry at myself and I get off the bus, -This isn’t my stop, I’m going to late. My hands are shaking as I am bent over in pain trying to light my cigarette, One puff, -I’m going to be late Two puffs, -I’m going to be late Three puffs, -I’m going to be late Four puffs, Relief

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Aug 23, 2019

Aug 23, 2019 at 12:47 AM UTC

Anxiety attack

I go to work and I have had a good day so far, I’m on the bus, Then it happens, I think to myself, -Hopefully work will be the same, I have a lot of stuff to do. I hope I’m going to make it on time. I know I will because I knew I would get anxiety from not being on time, -I’m going to be late and my boss is going to hate me. My breathing starts to become shallow, My stomach starts to clench, -I wonder if my boss thinks I’m a failure in his eyes? My stomach begins to hurt, Yet I continue to think deeper, -I hope that my boss won’t fire me as soon as he finds someone better. I smoke cigarettes to get my mind to fuzz, -I wonder if he hates me? The pain from my stomach becomes excruciating, -I think my coworkers think I’m slow. I try to hide the pain to keep some pride, -Why are all the people on the bus sitting at the front, am I scaring them? My breathing becomes very shallow and I forget to breath, -I need to get all of my assignments done soon. I become angry at myself and I get off the bus, -This isn’t my stop, I’m going to late. My hands are shaking as I am bent over in pain trying to light my cigarette, One puff, -I’m going to be late Two puffs, -I’m going to be late Three puffs, -I’m going to be late Four puffs, Relief

30

O Master, O Master, How I am unworthy, I bow to you with every vow I make, O Master, O Master, How glorious are you, I kiss the floor you’re feet touch, O Master, O Master, None are above you, I shatter my knees to topple at your power, O Master, O Master, I have wronged you, I Gouge my eyes as my gaze insults you, O Master, O Master, You thwart all before you, I drew my blood to make you a red carpet, O Master, O Master, How may I please you, I burn my skin so I do not look like you, O Master, O Master, Save us all, I Consume my flesh to abolish my existence, O Master, O Master, What have you done,

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Feb 22, 2019

Feb 22, 2019 at 2:25 AM UTC

Sacrifice

31

Sit down and let the scariest thing envelope you, Let it torture you, Until you don’t want to get up again, If you believe it will **** you, Let it, Let all the oil spill from every opening, As you choke, look at your children you drowned, Your tears do nothing as they continue to fill the room, You killed them, and yourself too, You feared your fears and they killed not only you but everyone around you, What if you had faced them, You wouldn’t fear your fear, For there is no fear,

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Feb 6, 2019

Feb 6, 2019 at 10:22 PM UTC

To Fear Your Fears

Sit down and let the scariest thing envelope you, Let it torture you, Until you don’t want to get up again, If you believe it will **** you, Let it, Let all the oil spill from every opening, As you choke, look at your children you drowned, Your tears do nothing as they continue to fill the room, You killed them, and yourself too, You feared your fears and they killed not only you but everyone around you, What if you had faced them, You wouldn’t fear your fear, For there is no fear,

13

I am alone, My friends are the letters in this poem, I tell them my sorrows and they repeat every word I say, Friends are hard to come by these days, We are all stuck, Not me, Words are my friends, Words from others are my enemy, The silence of the words I repeat in my head slowly grows, I am truly alone with my friends, Even words leave me in the end of every poem,

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Feb 4, 2019

Feb 4, 2019 at 3:22 AM UTC

Alone

I am alone, My friends are the letters in this poem, I tell them my sorrows and they repeat every word I say, Friends are hard to come by these days, We are all stuck, Not me, Words are my friends, Words from others are my enemy, The silence of the words I repeat in my head slowly grows, I am truly alone with my friends, Even words leave me in the end of every poem,

11

I try to be better than I am, I try to be who you want me to be, I try to be kind, I try to be loyal, I try to be a friend, Yet you saw through what I built and now you hate what you have seen, I try to fix it, I try to tell you that I can change, I try so hard to hold on to you, But you have seen me, You have made your decision, My disability has filled you with distain, You see a monster and only the monster, I try to bring up the past, I try to erase your vision of me, I try so hard to be with someone “normal”, But you have made your decision, You ignore my calls, You avoid me, You have my brother tell me why you don’t want to see me, You never had the ***** to tell it to my face, I try so hard to be friendly, I try so hard to be kind, I try so hard to be outgoing, I try so hard to be better everyday, I try so hard to be liked, I try and in the long run I always and will always end up lonely and hurt,

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Jul 14, 2018

Jul 14, 2018 at 6:46 AM UTC

Best Friends...

I try to be better than I am, I try to be who you want me to be, I try to be kind, I try to be loyal, I try to be a friend, Yet you saw through what I built and now you hate what you have seen, I try to fix it, I try to tell you that I can change, I try so hard to hold on to you, But you have seen me, You have made your decision, My disability has filled you with distain, You see a monster and only the monster, I try to bring up the past, I try to erase your vision of me, I try so hard to be with someone “normal”, But you have made your decision, You ignore my calls, You avoid me, You have my brother tell me why you don’t want to see me, You never had the ***** to tell it to my face, I try so hard to be friendly, I try so hard to be kind, I try so hard to be outgoing, I try so hard to be better everyday, I try so hard to be liked, I try and in the long run I always and will always end up lonely and hurt,

27

Anxiety anxiety, O my anxiety, I fear all and fear all of my fears, Anxiety anxiety O god my anxiety, Distractions, distractions, I try to fill my mind, Anxiety anxiety, O god please end the torture, I’ll want to scream to empty my mind, But I’m afraid of what people think of me, If it would actually help, Anxiety anxiety, Why do I think about everything, Anxiety anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety...

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Apr 14, 2018

Apr 14, 2018 at 4:14 PM UTC

My anxious thoughts

Anxiety anxiety, O my anxiety, I fear all and fear all of my fears, Anxiety anxiety O god my anxiety, Distractions, distractions, I try to fill my mind, Anxiety anxiety, O god please end the torture, I’ll want to scream to empty my mind, But I’m afraid of what people think of me, If it would actually help, Anxiety anxiety, Why do I think about everything, Anxiety anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety...

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