I'm in a faithful relationship with someone who has made me their second option, but I'm not moving because this feeling is way too familiar..
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 6:48 AM UTC
I talk but you'll never hear me freely conversing about my reality..and that's just me...
Call me secretive, it's okay.
The right people have heard my reality and have found ways to fill my empty soul...
I won't stop anyone from sharing sacred pieces of their life with me, but I've stopped myself multiple times... The wound on my back is still fresh and deep, I'm busy wiping my blood off a knife I thought would protect me..
Drenched in pain, I'm still a walking diary and I'm taking all your secrets to my grave..
Only because I'm loyal to pain.
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 6:44 AM UTC
You left me when I begged you to stay..
My tears did not move you,
Instead it was as though they encouraged you to walk out the door.
I broke into a million pieces which multiplied into a million more.
I was shattered but claws deep into your love i held onto what could be.
Months confirmed that your presence would be a miracle taking place.
In my busy schedule I missed a called, when I rang the phone I was disappointed to hear your voice asking to come back..
stay where you are!
Dec 30, 2018
Dec 30, 2018 at 5:08 PM UTC
In your spare time you stole my heart
I say this because obviously you were never ready.
To love me that is.
You slowly lured me in between your business meetings, chill session with friends, important family gatherings, weekend aways with high school mates, there I found my five minutes of fame.
Literally five minutes!
I was the "Hey, hope you good. I've got to go I love you though" type of girl.
Deep down I knew you never had time for me, failed to even pretend like you did.
I tried to sugarcoat the lies and tell myself during your busiest moments there I lied, but truth is I was your " check if she's okay and get on with your day " kinda girl.
AND THATS THE GUY I WAS LOYAL TO!
The one who gave me five minutes with the 24 hours he had.
At least I got 35 minutes in 7 days, that should count for something.
I was naive, I was in love but I was never loved.
You uttered the words but never meant them, you knew by saying them I would stay in my place.
I knew I belonged behind close doors.
My existence came alive when I shadowed her reflection.
She owned the stage, I was pretty much familiar with the backdrops.
And that was okay, because in your lies lied the truth
I never knew my worth and that's why I allowed this to happen.
Your spare time girlfriend?
My five minutes boyfriend, I'm done!
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 2:34 AM UTC
Who gave you permission to kiss me?
I froze and didn't react
That was not confirmation that I wanted you to continue,
Let alone even begin.
What on earth were thinking when you leaned forward.
Turning my face to the side was not me being shy, that was me rejecting you!
But I guess you couldn't take no for an answer and you settled with leaning in instead.
How dare you take advantage of my lips?
I had no reflex action to your lustful behaviour.
I froze in complete disbelief and even with no slight movement from my lips you continued on like you were reenacting a scene from love and basketball.
You need help.
May 24, 2018
May 24, 2018 at 10:49 AM UTC
I don't owe you my life!
Your existence is now relevant in my past.
May 14, 2018
May 14, 2018 at 5:55 PM UTC
I love you.
It isn't physical this thing. It's soul rich. I find the slightest pleasure in the smallest things you do. You caress my soul softly with yours. I am touching your skin but that is, JUST your skin. I see and look at your elements sparingly. I want to challenge all these flaws and conquer them. I don't crave anything else but you. I don't want to stare at anything else all day. Your smile allows My body to function as it should. Except my heart, it does things I don't understand. My ribs become elastic because my essence wants to reach out and grab you. I love you in a way that words aren't designed to explain. It's a feeling? Oh yes. It feels comfortable. I close my eyes often to remember this cause it's a feeling my body isn't used to. Every inch of you dares my lips, darling I have to kiss it. It's not my thirst but my desired hydration.
Tell God I'm in. He planned this didn't he? My answer is yes. I'm grateful. He has treated me and essentially I cannot thank him enough. Marrying you would be satisfying, I can then devour you, see through and recreate my deepest symphonies that play in head when I watch you sleep. I'm in, and with gratitude I take your body to kiss gently and calm my horrific sea.
To say you complete me would be a lie. You were already within me. I just found you.
Apr 26, 2018
Apr 26, 2018 at 7:54 AM UTC
How is it possible that I'm still experiencing a mental and emotional tug of war between us?
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 3:53 AM UTC
I broke everyone's favourite glass today.
Picking up the pieces I realized I was still suicidal.
I started salivating at the thought of my own blood.
I was so sure the old me had died, turns out she's very much alive.
With each piece I pick up I think of what could've been and what still is.
First piece, what if I slit my throat or wrist.
Second piece , I can't inflict so much pain on them.
Third piece, but none of them could ever comprehend my pain even if they tried.
And then all the little pieces that cant be picked up but swept away is my confusion, unanswered questions and ongoing pain about life and death all in one.
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 3:20 AM UTC
Love that man like he is the only reason why you're alive.
Hold him like he has just received heartbreaking news and you're the closest to home for him.
Kiss him like your life depended on it.
Nurture him back to life with one look.
He needs you and you need him.
Without each other life doesn't make sense.
Apr 23, 2018
Apr 23, 2018 at 5:12 AM UTC