the battle cry for
creative violence is:
"Diversify the wounds!"
May 31, 2022
May 31, 2022 at 10:49 AM UTC
When I let myself love you
I grow to hate myself
I worry about your comfort
While my neck is strained and
You bite me too hard
How can I forget that I am precious?
I found a **** coffee mug
It tickles my lips when I drink
I love to fill it with cold water
And drive fast on the highway
On a sunny day
Now, I sit here tanning far away
Listening to **** voices on the stereo
With a beer and a smoke and
I wonder why you haven’t called
Dec 2, 2021
Dec 2, 2021 at 11:49 AM UTC
see a light at the end of the road
I sit in the dark
nowhere to go
try to sleep
never want to wake up
wish I could stop my mind from thinking
in my dream, can't escape my feelings
I want to laugh
but I don't know how
when I'm alone, you can't see me frown
I see no beauty, but I know you do
if I had my way
I'd never move
you try to reach me, but I don't even care
we pretend that I'm real, but I'm not really there
Nov 25, 2021
Nov 25, 2021 at 2:53 PM UTC
turn my face away
block out my eyes
and my sighs
guilt will not interfere
with your pleasure
let my anonymous skin be
the receptacle for your fantasy
you can call me your little “blank”
you tell me you love me but
i will writhe under your tender cruelty
and we will never acknowledge
that i am facing the wall
and not your tears
May 26, 2021
May 26, 2021 at 2:11 PM UTC
I have to shut my eyes
When I make love to you
Sometimes,
You are so infantile
That I recoil from your touch
You are soft and hairless
Fair and smooth
When you whimper in my arms
I cringe
May 26, 2021
May 26, 2021 at 12:12 PM UTC
The other day I tried to imagine him in my space
My stomach seized and my face flushed
when I pictured him sitting on the furniture
His actions are indelicate and dangerous
he is leaving traces
I am overwhelmed by his oafishness
even in my own mind
He throws his mass around destructively
like a large, clumsy animal
The smell of his body
is overpowering in my small space
His breathe makes my nostrils shut
when I try to inhale
I remember the night
that he returned from the buffet table
with food piled in a single column
from a hand held at his belt right up to his chin
It was cheese cubes, crackers and grapes
and he danced back to our table
with out dropping a thing
He sat down next to me,
smacking his lips and drooling
I thought that I would puke
when he offered me a grape
from his cheesy fist.
May 26, 2021
May 26, 2021 at 12:10 PM UTC
wearing hoods
(like a cloak)
to hide our faces
we would be mothers slink
into hospitals for
discreet procedures
we size each other up
wonder who did
what? who was
careless? who was
unlucky?
who is
being selfish
right now?
we watch tv
eyes darting to check
out the new arrival
in the room with
the nurses i get my drugs
i am confused when the doctor arrives
my legs are secure in stirrups
but my head slides
she chooses now
to ask me how it happened
(don’t doctors know?)
she lectures me
about birth control
tells me she doesn’t ever
want to see me
in here again
like the guy
at the seven eleven
when i stole
a chocolate bar at age twelve
there is prodding and suction
but i’m too high to care
a nurse tells a story
about a friend
with a bad flu
and there is the hum
of the little vacuum
i try to tell them
about my friend
who chugged Buckleys
cough syrup to catch her breath
in basketball
but they ignore me or
maybe i’m so high
that i don’t realize that
i’m not talking anyways
it’s too bad
it’s a funny story
they wheel me into a room
where i sit with other women
in loungers letting
the drugs wear off
we bleed
through our gowns
get paraded to
the bathroom to change
archaic belted pads
blood stains our robes
for everyone to see
every girl’s worst nightmare
May 15, 2021
May 15, 2021 at 4:15 PM UTC
my wedding ring is
too big I wonder
what the exact angle and speed
is that my hand
would have to fling
in order for it to slip off
like in physics
all the empty space
between electrons and nucleus
if you bounced a ball
against a wall
and all the atoms lined
up just right the ball
would pass right through
what color would the ball be?
or perhaps I will forget
to take it off
one day when I go swimming
the water will act as a lubricant
it will just slip right off
Perhaps I’m keeping it big
to show what a little girl
I am
not a round curvy woman
but thin and melting,
a being ebbing down to fit
within the circle of the ring
I spin it around
on my finger looking
through the gap between
the arc of gold and my finger
I push it into the flesh
to see how high above
my finger it can rise
I’m not sure what the space
that I am creating is
supposed to measure
May 15, 2021
May 15, 2021 at 4:12 PM UTC
There was a feeling at the back of my throat
that I just couldn’t swallow
I lived with it
the way that I live with a song
that gets stuck in my head
Then it began to migrate
to my eyes
to my stomach
to my knees
I could taste it
every time I tried to breathe
my chest would shake
My throat vibrating staccatos
as I exhaled
I needed somewhere to lay my head
until I could choke it down
or cough it out.
The feeling was a little rubber ball
It had no color
It had no name
It bounced around in my head,
much more dangerous than a song
This rubber ball was mine
and it might never fade
If I couldn’t sing it out
or give it to someone else
I’d be stuck with my rubber ball
until they take it away
When no one is looking
I throw my rubber ball
I smash it on the rough concrete
outside in the street
Sometimes
I aim it at the bare light bulb
high on the ceiling.
My rubber ball is bruised
and scratched
and burned.
This rubber ball that is mine
doesn’t count. I don’t want it.
They will take it away with
the feeling at the back of my throat
that I’m not big enough to swallow
May 15, 2021
May 15, 2021 at 4:10 PM UTC
my love
would you be
bothered if I
told you
that I blame you
for breathing
I lie awake
listening to the air
scraping your throat
as you sleep
I need to escape
your oppressive body
heat rhythmic breathing
your parasitic hugs
absorb me
steal my breath
the gooey dough
softness of your body
bleeds out
past its boundary
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021 at 12:48 PM UTC