The_Gimpy_Geek - Hello Poetry

Today, like all days before You, I awoke to the sound of deafening silence; To the solitude and emptiness of my home, my prison; my crumbling cage. The shackles of hopelessness keep me chained to my bed as I beg my body to sleep and allow me to feel at peace. With eyes closed I let a gentle breeze carry me out my open window and set me adrift in the dark ocean of space. I mock gravity as the stars melt to dust and dance and swirl around me. Gentle beams of moonlight caress my face as I wade waist deep in the Milky Way. Vega’s passing brought your dazzling soul into my galaxy; and with arms outstretched you asked me to dance and we waltzed with the moon and sun. No words could describe the serene euphoria I felt as I laid my head against your chest and we danced to the sound of your heart beating. I held your hand as we tip-toed through Saturn’s rings and bathed in Neptune’s frozen waters. I watched in awe as the pigment of your skin changed with all the bouncing colors of Jupiter’s northern lights. But I could feel the universe begin to melt beneath us as the sun reared its ugly head. “I don’t want to wake up.” I whispered to you as we sank deeper into the fading abyss. I study your face with every fibre of my being so that I could engrave its’ likeness onto every cell in my body. I close my eyes and breathe deeply in an attempt to imprint your aroma onto my lungs. I reach out to touch your body so I could memorize your every curve and edge. But my hands could not feel you My eyes could not make out your shape And my lungs felt as empty as the void inside my heart. My soul weeps for the love I’ve yet to meet but miss so dearly. The universe dissolves beneath us as rapidly as the harsh sunlight pours into my bedroom and I awake, once more, to the sound of deafening silence.

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Apr 30, 2018

Apr 30, 2018 at 1:56 PM UTC

Deafening Silence

Today, like all days before You, I awoke to the sound of deafening silence; To the solitude and emptiness of my home, my prison; my crumbling cage. The shackles of hopelessness keep me chained to my bed as I beg my body to sleep and allow me to feel at peace. With eyes closed I let a gentle breeze carry me out my open window and set me adrift in the dark ocean of space. I mock gravity as the stars melt to dust and dance and swirl around me. Gentle beams of moonlight caress my face as I wade waist deep in the Milky Way. Vega’s passing brought your dazzling soul into my galaxy; and with arms outstretched you asked me to dance and we waltzed with the moon and sun. No words could describe the serene euphoria I felt as I laid my head against your chest and we danced to the sound of your heart beating. I held your hand as we tip-toed through Saturn’s rings and bathed in Neptune’s frozen waters. I watched in awe as the pigment of your skin changed with all the bouncing colors of Jupiter’s northern lights. But I could feel the universe begin to melt beneath us as the sun reared its ugly head. “I don’t want to wake up.” I whispered to you as we sank deeper into the fading abyss. I study your face with every fibre of my being so that I could engrave its’ likeness onto every cell in my body. I close my eyes and breathe deeply in an attempt to imprint your aroma onto my lungs. I reach out to touch your body so I could memorize your every curve and edge. But my hands could not feel you My eyes could not make out your shape And my lungs felt as empty as the void inside my heart. My soul weeps for the love I’ve yet to meet but miss so dearly. The universe dissolves beneath us as rapidly as the harsh sunlight pours into my bedroom and I awake, once more, to the sound of deafening silence.

21

It’s a different world underneath this steeple Church doors swinging open To a congregation of cruel people Black ink on a page tells me I’m evil Condemning sermons broke my soul You preach “God is love” yet remain hateful Without end, my soul screamed from inside While everything you command of me forced me to lie You demanded so I tried But lost the fire in my eyes With every day that I pretended Another piece of me died Your reputation and position no longer matter here I was never enough for you in those miserable years Secret journal pages wrinkled by tears Scribbled confessions in cursive, words you’d never hear Paranoid that I’d injure your career My parents and Hell were my two greatest fears You use smoke and mirrors to hide your pretension Force feed your religion through cold condescension Wearing a mask You put on an act Then exit stage left Ignoring your own lesson Behind closed doors You wage your secret war In your church congregation You’re trusted and adored But come home with your pride Lay your costume to the side Take a break from the lies Abuse safely hidden from tithe-payers eyes Your narcissism and contempt The reigns you pull from making amends Years of servitude ill-spent I’ve forgiven but you still resent Dust covered Bibles and empty prescriptions Remnants of misery-fueled bad decisions You study verses on love and acceptance Never practiced but quoted in sermons No book or religion is worth the price of a life My own strength was all that kept me alive By walking away and breaking all ties I reignited the fire behind these green eyes

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Apr 30, 2018

Apr 30, 2018 at 1:46 PM UTC

A Different World

It’s a different world underneath this steeple Church doors swinging open To a congregation of cruel people Black ink on a page tells me I’m evil Condemning sermons broke my soul You preach “God is love” yet remain hateful Without end, my soul screamed from inside While everything you command of me forced me to lie You demanded so I tried But lost the fire in my eyes With every day that I pretended Another piece of me died Your reputation and position no longer matter here I was never enough for you in those miserable years Secret journal pages wrinkled by tears Scribbled confessions in cursive, words you’d never hear Paranoid that I’d injure your career My parents and Hell were my two greatest fears You use smoke and mirrors to hide your pretension Force feed your religion through cold condescension Wearing a mask You put on an act Then exit stage left Ignoring your own lesson Behind closed doors You wage your secret war In your church congregation You’re trusted and adored But come home with your pride Lay your costume to the side Take a break from the lies Abuse safely hidden from tithe-payers eyes Your narcissism and contempt The reigns you pull from making amends Years of servitude ill-spent I’ve forgiven but you still resent Dust covered Bibles and empty prescriptions Remnants of misery-fueled bad decisions You study verses on love and acceptance Never practiced but quoted in sermons No book or religion is worth the price of a life My own strength was all that kept me alive By walking away and breaking all ties I reignited the fire behind these green eyes

44

Turn back the clocks Take me back to that one night Four dates in, you called me at midnight and told me to look outside Standing by your car, you asked me to go on a drive I was so young and innocent Just happy to be by your side Two weeks after that night We’re official and flying high A knock at my door, you showed up with a gift bag I cried at the surprise, a baby blue instax I went home with you that night and never once thought to look back Three weeks later I said “I love you” for the first time I was scared it was too soon Then you kissed me and said it back That night we danced in your living room I was clumsy but you held me tight Whenever I questioned your love I took my mind back to that night Two months later We’re having our first fight You lost your temper and I just stayed quiet You slam the door behind you and go on a long drive You came home and said, “I’m sorry.” and I said “We’ll be alright” Three months later I’m smoking with you on your front steps You passed me your lighter The taste of bourbon on both our breaths Tears slid down my face as you told me you missed your ex Both our broken hearts were aching but I wouldn’t give up on you yet Four months later I’m still trying to make it work Most days were perfect but the bad days were just the worst Cause you never pulled your punches You never tried to tame your temper I hid so many bruises From you unleashing your anger Five months later We’re at the theater two days after another fight That day went so well, it was your treat for date night It was the first time you kissed me out in public, in plain sight The only time it felt like you were proud to be by my side But six months later You dropped me off at my brother’s house With a hug and a kiss, you said ‘I love you’ and you walked out I didn’t know it was a kiss goodbye Didn’t know it was all just a big lie Cause you called the next day and you said we’d run out of time One week later On the floor in my bathroom So empty and hopeless I attempted to make it my tomb 22 years played on rewind As you crushed my last will to fight You screamed abuse into the phone As I attempted to say goodbye Two hours later You put the nails in my coffin I gave you my everything But you still tossed me out in the end You were almost the death of me I tried so hard but I can’t pretend My universe imploded as a dull knife ripped my skin A cold hospital bed Your words swirling in my head A small bandage bleeding red I just wanted to be dead I tried to help you but at what cost? You weren’t the only thing I lost My nightmares this day will forever haunt You put me through hell and just moved on My life unraveling like thread I can’t believe this is the end Every excuse I now rescind Left alone and hopeless once again All your promises revoked Gone like your cigarette smoke You knew you were my only hope I had nowhere else to go All of your abuse, I loved you so much so I excused Lasting wounds serve as the proof I tried to help but what’s the use Abusers never admit abuse You can’t keep running from the truth Your words choked me like a noose Second best, now I know I was used Six months later now I can see you for what you are New perspective gave me clarity, I should never have let things go that far I made you too many false excuses cause I didn’t want us to part But now that your raging storm has passed, I don’t need you I’m going to reclaim my heart. -E.

0

Apr 30, 2018

Apr 30, 2018 at 1:34 PM UTC

Clarity

Turn back the clocks Take me back to that one night Four dates in, you called me at midnight and told me to look outside Standing by your car, you asked me to go on a drive I was so young and innocent Just happy to be by your side Two weeks after that night We’re official and flying high A knock at my door, you showed up with a gift bag I cried at the surprise, a baby blue instax I went home with you that night and never once thought to look back Three weeks later I said “I love you” for the first time I was scared it was too soon Then you kissed me and said it back That night we danced in your living room I was clumsy but you held me tight Whenever I questioned your love I took my mind back to that night Two months later We’re having our first fight You lost your temper and I just stayed quiet You slam the door behind you and go on a long drive You came home and said, “I’m sorry.” and I said “We’ll be alright” Three months later I’m smoking with you on your front steps You passed me your lighter The taste of bourbon on both our breaths Tears slid down my face as you told me you missed your ex Both our broken hearts were aching but I wouldn’t give up on you yet Four months later I’m still trying to make it work Most days were perfect but the bad days were just the worst Cause you never pulled your punches You never tried to tame your temper I hid so many bruises From you unleashing your anger Five months later We’re at the theater two days after another fight That day went so well, it was your treat for date night It was the first time you kissed me out in public, in plain sight The only time it felt like you were proud to be by my side But six months later You dropped me off at my brother’s house With a hug and a kiss, you said ‘I love you’ and you walked out I didn’t know it was a kiss goodbye Didn’t know it was all just a big lie Cause you called the next day and you said we’d run out of time One week later On the floor in my bathroom So empty and hopeless I attempted to make it my tomb 22 years played on rewind As you crushed my last will to fight You screamed abuse into the phone As I attempted to say goodbye Two hours later You put the nails in my coffin I gave you my everything But you still tossed me out in the end You were almost the death of me I tried so hard but I can’t pretend My universe imploded as a dull knife ripped my skin A cold hospital bed Your words swirling in my head A small bandage bleeding red I just wanted to be dead I tried to help you but at what cost? You weren’t the only thing I lost My nightmares this day will forever haunt You put me through hell and just moved on My life unraveling like thread I can’t believe this is the end Every excuse I now rescind Left alone and hopeless once again All your promises revoked Gone like your cigarette smoke You knew you were my only hope I had nowhere else to go All of your abuse, I loved you so much so I excused Lasting wounds serve as the proof I tried to help but what’s the use Abusers never admit abuse You can’t keep running from the truth Your words choked me like a noose Second best, now I know I was used Six months later now I can see you for what you are New perspective gave me clarity, I should never have let things go that far I made you too many false excuses cause I didn’t want us to part But now that your raging storm has passed, I don’t need you I’m going to reclaim my heart. -E.

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