not letting grow what we may have lived
all the „ifs“ and „whens“
and „shalls“ and „thens“
and never know the love she’ll give
we never managed to reach our hands
we didn’t even start to fight
we never wanted to have this sight
we thought we didn’t feel right
the spring let the seeds grow
the stream brings more water down
look at those rocks
how they get formed by the water
time changes their shapes -
and even their places
they shine new in the old
and remain where they‘re told
always in the water so bold
our feelings fly away
like the winged seeds of the dandelion
reflecting the sunshine
but floating apart
and leave all that is unanswered
alone with the fear:
to be or to feel
it could have been a real dream
to stand in the same river, together
to let the fresh water touch us
be the same and yet grow old
always change but yet remain
yet, we let all the unlived memories go
the river takes it now
we will never know
what we could have become
with our hands together
in that late spring day
but now all stands still
the water flows
but waiting for what?
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 1:09 PM UTC
We fought this fight,
a fight we could not win.
Our past’s scars still hurt,
this fear of flight
we carry like sin,
while our hearts burst.
I believed — but I lost.
This cage inside me
hurts the most:
to lose thee.
And now I see,
the pain remains
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 4:27 PM UTC
i am losing all my senses!
in this eddy water of senseless
senselessness I fall,
oh, and how i fall - sightless
again i am lost and the ashes
of the purifing flames
cannot found the brightness
the regret and the openness are enemies and fight against the time.
pain and tears wet the burnt ground
like in a tragic Shakespearian piece
the look to the sky while we fall
for not to see the decline of what we have become
tell me, what did we want?
what have we become?
shadows of lost memories
which float into the nothing
and leave us gone and drained.
and all that remains
is an undreamed dream
May 8
May 8, 2026 at 6:13 PM UTC
the child feels the sun
its senses smell the summer breeze!
the sparkles of a past life
in a dream- and seas
a glimpse of one memory
stand up and run!
run away and dive through the seas
of marbles- and feel !
feel this buzzing song
sing this life along
but just don’t…
no pain- no „won‘t“
then he wakes up
his closed eyes stare
at the unknown of his tale
unspoken and untold
only ashamed to dare
his life in a cup
of lost dreams
May 8
May 8, 2026 at 3:36 PM UTC
i stand and stare
into the rippled water-
to see: who?
my thinned shell shows my hole,
my skin is tired and drained .
fragmented is my whole
I see that day.
The smell of a scent,
the taste of the air!
The sky was so blue,
my depth was so true
and opened for the new!
That day is lost and gone
my hope forgotten under a stone
in what i have become.
the sun is up to go- so cold!
my evening shadow on the crackled way
is barely visible now
the ache that torments my thoughts
and let me fall
with no hold to a straw..
no clutching at all!
to find: who? am I?
where is he?
lost im waves of memories
carried from the lightness of the past
but almost nothing‘s left
my blurred picture in the distance
wanishes in the nothing
that is what remains
May 8
May 8, 2026 at 3:34 PM UTC
I am lost in these words,
words of confusion and storm—
a storm of claws
which go into my heart.
I am lost in these feelings
surrounding my subconscious:
fears of oblivion,
tears to live on-
into the nothing.
Still lost in this cage
of my heart—yearning to escape
and **** my enemies
inside of me.
But my enemy is-
me.
May 6
May 6, 2026 at 4:34 AM UTC
again
lost
feelingless
i can’t feel
what do i want to feel!
emptiness
cold
dark
tears suffocate my breath
no air
no light
pain in my chest
be quiet
be still- my heart
stop beiing
stop
May 6
May 6, 2026 at 4:32 AM UTC
the sun fights against the spring mist-
and lets the breeze go
i’ll barely be the child and the old man.
I gaze in the distance.
an old man in the child, the child in me.
the sun i can’t see
the hope of the summer warmth
rises all the hairs of my cold skin.
but the sky forbids the openness
of my feelings to take the blue heights
the fresh morning washes away
the mud of the rivers long gone
for a second all stands still
no wind floats over the hill
no breath, no movement
no colour I see in this lonely moment
my mind circles endlessly
in the white of the fragile breeze
the sharp teeth of the icy air
deeply bite into my face
tears freezing into memory
and leave only a hint in the skin
like trails of the past
i was- but never been free of me
i sink in the torment of my lament
my tense muscles loosen
my eyes slowly close
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 4:23 PM UTC
in the middle of my dream,
my ghost haunts me
I hear my shadow scream,
with an aching echo- let me sleep!
let me rewrite that script
of my role in that play
i am so tired of my fights undone
in the middle of the dark,
the moon shines pale!
and the sea ripples its touch
but the hollow face of my past
keeps on chasing all that was,
no smile remains
i am audiance and actor.
in the middle of the pain,
the words stand still!
black ink - still wet.
those dreams as dominoes
touched by my breath to fall.
can‘t you just remain?
my friend and companion
in the middle of the road
I am alone- no warmth, no shelter
the hero falls
the jester laghs
the last act begins
all wait for the end
but the curtains don’t fall
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 9:00 AM UTC