The bad times
They are beginning to outshine the good
Love shouldn’t be this hard
Pain shouldn’t be this frequent
The constant disappointment—
Maybe I expect too much
Though I suppose I expect what I give
Unconditional love
Consideration
Thoughtfulness
Is that too much to ask for?
Jul 19, 2020
Jul 19, 2020 at 1:34 AM UTC
Loneliness
It rests firmly on top of my chest
Weighing me down
Forcing me to feel it
This loneliness
It doesn't happen surrounded by strangers
It doesn't even happen when I'm all alone
You see,
It happens the most when you are with me
When you are downstairs packing your things
As I sit upstairs in our bed
Conflicted
Should I let him go this time?
Thoughts consume my mind
As the pressure builds up in my chest
You are slowly killing me
And the worst part is,
I'm not sure if I want to stop it
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 1:31 PM UTC
You build me up
And tear me down
All at the same time
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 12:06 PM UTC
How dare you
Threaten me with leaving
Claiming I’m insecure and difficult
While your anger rises
Your insults harden
I slap you
I run
You catch me
I feel your hands wrap themselves firmly around my neck
I can’t breathe
You pick me up and throw me through the door,
Onto the balcony
I shake in fear
In pain
You leave
Only to return the following day
Singing songs
Talking to friends
Ignoring me
Until I break down
Force the conversation
Then, without validation
Without a genuine apology,
You begin to pretend like everything’s okay
Like there’s no love lost
As if the person I saw yesterday
Matches the person before me
I weep in the bathroom
In the car
In my bed
Anywhere
Anywhere away from you
And soon I’ll stop caring
I’ll stop loving
You might wonder when you lost me
Or how
Well, the answer is here
The answer is now
Apr 13, 2020
Apr 13, 2020 at 12:23 AM UTC
It hurts
All of it
The yelling,
The fighting,
The talking
I’m exhausted
I watch you
As you do anything
Anything
To avoid apologizing
To avoid my feelings
I tell you I’m not okay
You hop on the game
I’m left to my thoughts,
My pain,
As it turns into rage
And it’ll all start again soon
But only if I stay...
Apr 12, 2020
Apr 12, 2020 at 5:13 PM UTC
I wasn’t ready
When the time came
And you were taken from me
I wasn’t ready
As they pumped blood into my veins
So that I could selfishly survive
I wasn’t ready
To see your father’s face
The love... the disappointment
You see,
I wasn’t ready to lose you
I was ready to love
Mar 28, 2020
Mar 28, 2020 at 1:37 AM UTC
I love our story
The one we wrote
When the leaves were changing
And we were learning how to love
It's messy
It's unique
But most importantly,
It's us.
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 1:38 AM UTC
I never expected to find you
Even as you lay in my tense grip
Even as we make love in the moonlight
It doesn't feel real
We are scarred
We are flawed
And yet,
We are happy
It's Thursday,
We sit in the living room
You start grinding the ****
I watch, patiently
In awe of your beauty
Not just your physical appearance,
The beauty in your demeanor
The way you carry yourself
You look up at me
I stare, blankly
We laugh
We got married
Secretly
We lost a child
Secretly
The best moment
And the worst
I would've drowned in self pity
If you hadn't saved me from myself
Thank you for staying
Thank you for loving me.
Mar 26, 2020
Mar 26, 2020 at 9:33 PM UTC
It happens unexpectedly
When I'm making us breakfast
Eggs, bacon
Maybe hash browns if I feel like it
No matter the moment
It's the same feeling
One I'm not used to
I've been happy before
I've felt fearless
This is different
This is... wholesome
It's as if anything can happen
Anything,
And I know we'd be okay
I think for the first time in my life
I'm choosing someone other than myself
I want this
And like the others,
It'll work until it doesn't
But I want this to work
Till the very end
I think that's the difference
Mar 26, 2020
Mar 26, 2020 at 9:11 PM UTC
Failure is a virtue
Or at least that's what they say when they hurt you
I'm here and I'm open
You tryna steer and I'm coastin'
The words won't solve it
I run on emotion,
I'm starving
For the part of you I can't see
The **** that made you bleed
I know he's in there
Scared to share his cross to bare
So don't leave me guessing
Matter of fact, stop stressing
Because I'm here for good
And I love you--
Probably way more than I should
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 9:37 PM UTC