Sometimes I think about dying in my sleep
Working up a way so that they won't be ashamed of me
Instead of strung up by the ceiling fan maybe I could go in peace
Then I wonder what kind of note I'd leave
Saying don't blame yourself this is how it had to be
The days drag on and the blood becomes a coursing stream
The blade slips from my fingers being the end of me
Because a bullet to the brain would be too gruesome for them to see
The lines spell out **** me please"
It's all ruined now life just isn't worth living
So please just ignore me
Try to block out my loud depressed weeping
The pills make it worse and therapy isn't helping
I don't wanna die but this is what became of me
What the voices in my head are telling me to be
So now I promise I'm not gonna leave
Because death is too easy
The real challenge is living
So I'll live but only because I love you
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 6:06 AM UTC
She falls into the grasp of his hands
The ground crumbles as she stands
Her life is nothing but broken glass
The air is toxin and love is a gas mask
She breaks beneath the sound of his voice
The constant regret of her naive choice
Her world is gone with all she loved
The constant question of am I enough
She burned for the bullet in her chest
The shame brought to her family crest
Her name is now a word unspoken
The damage of a heart remaining broken
She feels the sharp pain of needles piercing
The pain that draws her to endless screaming
Her chest a blaze as she feels it all
The blisters and pus continue to scald
She falls to her knees praying to be free
The dream ends and she wakes from her sleep
Her heart still pounding and she's covered in sweat
The cuts in her skin she will never forget
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 6:03 AM UTC
Suddenly nothing else mattered
You were there
Your charm and humor
Suddenly I was ok
I used to watch as they walked all over me
Now I realize
I don’t deserve to be used
I am worth sacrifice
You give me your time
You call me yours
You aren’t ashamed
To be seen with me
To hold me
Out in the open
You stand up for me
When they stare and laugh
I feel safe next to you
I don’t know how long this will last
But I have issues and I have to ask
That you don’t use them against me
I don’t wanna jump all over you
But please don’t use it against me
I hope you see
I’m just scared
Hurt by way to many
I trust you
Don’t abuse that
I love you
Please don’t try to use that
My wrists are healed
I don’t want to reopen it
You fixed me
If you ever wanna leave
Let me down easy
I’m sorry if this scares you
I don’t wanna hurt you
I just want you to know what you’re getting into
Because what happens
When hands get put on me
More than you know
This is a warning
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:47 AM UTC
Save me and **** me
Hurt me and heal me
So priceless yet so tasteless
Why is this love
They tell me it's emotion
Others say action
Attitude and beliefs
Love is affection they say
Do they really know
Does anyone
To love
To live
To even breathe
It's all so hollow without a reason
I mean think
Really think
Can you honestly say that you know
This world is turning and no one cares
It's moving and breathing
But they don't notice
My questions fill my brain
Of what
Why, how, when
Tell me this
When was the last time you said
I love you and meant it
Or have you once said
I would live for you
Because dying is to easy
When I say I love you
I say it with every fiber
Every amount of my being
I would live for you
Because that's the challenge
Dying is not the point of living
Dying is the end of it
Where they remember you
Only for a short while
Then you are just Earth
Beneath their feet
Walked on
A vessel no more
Only dust
So tell me
Do you truly know the meaning
To love
To live
To breathe
Without, we are meaningless
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:41 AM UTC
I'm an animal
A puppet on a string
They control me
And I don't feel a thing
They think that they own me
I'm a monkey in a cage
And they can't distract me
From the war that has been waged
I'm envious of their freedom
My mind fills with rage
I'm sick and claustrophobic
my skin is turning green
My head is spinning
They ignore my scream
A sharp piece of wire
Sticking out from the weave
I push to my wrists
And I start to bleed
My blood turns to embers as my skin turns to ash
My soul leaks away
Forgetting it's past
No real death here
It's all to soon
No freedom should come
From forging your tomb
For this is only a dream
Bestowed upon me by the moon
Oh how I long for an opening
A way out of this mess
A pill or savior
Comes to take my stress
My hair is falling out
My bones begin to show
Starving for a familiar face
Someone that I know
But all that they tell me
It'll be over soon
Lay down and rest love
They whistle me a tune
All of these beautiful lies fill my head
A pretty whisper wakes up the dead
This is only a prism dream
Dressed under a grey screen
Those bright eyes can't stay hopeful
A star plummeting to the ground
They fight with me using actions ever hurtful
But this is only a dream
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:32 AM UTC
He was walking home
Ticked off with a broken nose
They stole his things
And with no shame
Left cuts and bruises
Head to toe covering him
No one gets his mind
No one really tries
He hides in the closet
When he gets home
In fear of his intoxicated father
His leather belt
Swinging from his fist
The boy cries in bitter isolation
He can't trust anyone
With no safty
He fears for his life
His mother was killed when he was five
Nine years later
He just wants to die
Multiple times he's tried
Every one of them
He survived
His wrists bleed for releaf
His skin pulls tight
Then it's released
He tiptoes out of his room
This for the last time
His father asleep in the chair
He looked pail
His chest barely moving
If you weren't paying attention
You might think he was dead
The boy got an idea
Such a melancholy idea
He went in to his father's quarters
Peaking under the bed
There lay a box full
Unsold meds
A knife in the kitchen would be his weapon
Nothing but a sigh let out
His father was soon to be no more
His heart pounded
His mind thundered
With anger and pride
"This is for Mom!"
He screamed with tears in his eyes
A knife to the chest
He fought the man
Pushing further and harder
He worked fast
The eyes glazed over
Both fear and joy filling his heart
Into the bathtub
Pills in hand
He turns on the water
He uncaps the bottle
Putting it to his lips
Up turned
He sinks down
Letting the drugs take their toll
Gone
******
Suicide
This was the price
For freedom
For justice
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:27 AM UTC
Inside a room somewhere in my mind
I sit alone in the darkness
I can't break through the bars I'm trapped behind
The beat of my pulse constantly racing
A panic rises as I cry
Blood drips down my chin
I stare out at the dark starless sky
all the beast are real
They stalk me in the night
I wait for them to come for me
This to be my last fight
I fake my smile
And pretend I'm fine
A mask so well displayed
Emotion they can't find
I hate this cage
The chains that bind
I scream for a savior
But they can't hear my cry
How do you see
The girl hidden inside her mind
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:14 AM UTC
The wind felt cold on his bare arms
Standing alone in the empty dead surrounding
His hands are numb and his body trembles
Staring into the eyes of death over his fate
For he knows what lies ahead
He knows he has to slay the beast
He has to seal the tomb on his past
A broken man or a rising hero
The greek warrior cannot sleep this night
He has to get up and fight
He has to restore what was lost
All that is dead will be revealed as light
All his hurt soon gone to the oblivion
Hearing the battle cry of his town
His own mother tells him to rise and fight
For his reward when he returns home
A warrior, a proven man will find to home of a king
He now meets his demons face to face
His sword drawn and in position
Through the chest of the beast
And off with his head
Fear has been left for dead
Where now stands a golden blade
Wielded of a warrior and a royal
His family has pride in the unbroken man
He is given a name
Ischyrós
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 5:12 AM UTC
You paint your eyes black
And hide behind your hair
You keep your words in your head
And put on a blank stare
Into Oblivion
Your last peace of self
You know they're not equipped with understanding
You know they don't see your hell
You're drifting all alone
That's what you believe
Under all of the pain you know
You just need someone to see
To love you for who you are
You need someone you know won't deceive
Who won't walk away
Or turn the lights off
You won't be betrayed
By the one that you love
They know you
They hear you
They would do anything for
If you'd just let them near you
And you know what they want
Is just to help you
They want to know the truth behind
The isolation you feel in your mind
The one who does care
Who puts you before anything
Proud to call you a friend
Mar 4, 2021
Mar 4, 2021 at 1:04 PM UTC
Every punch, every bruise
Every kiss, every tear
I love you
The blood stains
The migraines
I can't stand it
But I love you
Maybe pain is my weakness
Maybe you're trying to help
Maybe I'm only imagining
This entire mental hell
I'm done fighting for freedom
I'm done begging for help
In some twisted way
This is beautiful
This is colorful
Others look at me and say
This is sad
I don't care
I love you
I reflect on my actions
I only ponder the abuse
You're drunk again
I run and hide
How dare I call this love
To be honest
I hate you
You took it all away
Everything
My family
My life
My safety
My sanity
But when the dust settles
And the noise is gone
You're still here
Holding me in your arms
As I cry like a child
Stitching my cuts
As I bleed
In some sick way
I love you
Mar 3, 2021
Mar 3, 2021 at 3:29 PM UTC