Staid - Hello Poetry

When did I give birth? Not something I recall! 'Recollection not necessary, just look at me' Not the world's prettiest picture. 'But one you still love!' He's right, my heart is his. He owns it. I don't own his, but a portion is mine. I wonder if he'll still love me in the future. Time may change his love, his dependence. How will I survive? I depend on his love too. Perhaps then my end will come. Will I welcome it? Will I be brave enough? I hope so.... this is too hard.

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Oct 8, 2019

Oct 8, 2019 at 9:23 AM UTC

My child?

When did I give birth? Not something I recall! 'Recollection not necessary, just look at me' Not the world's prettiest picture. 'But one you still love!' He's right, my heart is his. He owns it. I don't own his, but a portion is mine. I wonder if he'll still love me in the future. Time may change his love, his dependence. How will I survive? I depend on his love too. Perhaps then my end will come. Will I welcome it? Will I be brave enough? I hope so.... this is too hard.

14

Yes Mother, you are. Forgiveness is not something you know. Anger consumes you. Let it go, you will be happier. Hate me for pointing it out. But truth reigns supreme. I hope you find peace. I hope you find ease. They are sorry Only you have hatred. Look..... it's out there

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Oct 5, 2019

Oct 5, 2019 at 7:49 AM UTC

I'm a *****

Yes Mother, you are. Forgiveness is not something you know. Anger consumes you. Let it go, you will be happier. Hate me for pointing it out. But truth reigns supreme. I hope you find peace. I hope you find ease. They are sorry Only you have hatred. Look..... it's out there

11

When we are blind Then we are fools When we are jealous Then we are selfish We are all needed We all have our place and function Look beyond yourself Look at what's necessary Put your rampant ego away Appreciate what we have.

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Aug 25, 2018

Aug 25, 2018 at 7:52 AM UTC

What we have

When we are blind Then we are fools When we are jealous Then we are selfish We are all needed We all have our place and function Look beyond yourself Look at what's necessary Put your rampant ego away Appreciate what we have.

10

You asked me to come visit. I promised I would. I came today, I saw your beautiful smile. I cried like a baby. I see why u insisted I come. You wanted me to see my selfishness. You wanted me to realise. My brother made your grave look beautiful. Thank you Mekellen. No matter how much I want to, I promise I won't leave them. You've realized your sin, Thank you for making sure I don't do the same. I'll stay, I'll fight, I'll do all I can.

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Apr 22, 2018

Apr 22, 2018 at 5:37 AM UTC

Visit

You asked me to come visit. I promised I would. I came today, I saw your beautiful smile. I cried like a baby. I see why u insisted I come. You wanted me to see my selfishness. You wanted me to realise. My brother made your grave look beautiful. Thank you Mekellen. No matter how much I want to, I promise I won't leave them. You've realized your sin, Thank you for making sure I don't do the same. I'll stay, I'll fight, I'll do all I can.

15

I've figured it out. Can't believe I was so dumb Don't have to take 300 pills, Just need to not take any. Such a fool. So much easier. A medical scientist should be cleverer. A few misfired circuits in my brain, A couple of severe seizures, And I'm done. Starting tonight. I've had enough.

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Apr 11, 2018

Apr 11, 2018 at 6:19 AM UTC

Easier

I've figured it out. Can't believe I was so dumb Don't have to take 300 pills, Just need to not take any. Such a fool. So much easier. A medical scientist should be cleverer. A few misfired circuits in my brain, A couple of severe seizures, And I'm done. Starting tonight. I've had enough.

12

Tonight he needed me. He needed understanding. He needed comfort. He needed someone who understands vulnerability. She didn't understand. She wanted to be needed. His needs weren't paramount. He's only 14. She's his mom, she needs him to need her. I'm the disabled aunt. I'm as needy as him. We're lucky, we have each other. Epilepsy and Autism make good friends. Safe Haven? yes, that's me. I'll always be. I don't have a parent's selfish need. I see my 'son' I see his need. I'm needed. I diligently work toward a day I won't be.

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Apr 3, 2018

Apr 3, 2018 at 7:06 AM UTC

Needed

Tonight he needed me. He needed understanding. He needed comfort. He needed someone who understands vulnerability. She didn't understand. She wanted to be needed. His needs weren't paramount. He's only 14. She's his mom, she needs him to need her. I'm the disabled aunt. I'm as needy as him. We're lucky, we have each other. Epilepsy and Autism make good friends. Safe Haven? yes, that's me. I'll always be. I don't have a parent's selfish need. I see my 'son' I see his need. I'm needed. I diligently work toward a day I won't be.

20

Do you believe? Should you believe? Am I really in deep **** if I don't? And why is morality tied with belief? All around me I see belief. All around me I see believers. All around me I see fear. I see condemnation. Cruelty, avarice, egotism, punishment. All in the name of belief. **** belief. Too many are abused because of belief. Lying to justify our evil, defines belief. If we are to believe, let's do it in ourselves.

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Apr 1, 2018

Apr 1, 2018 at 8:18 AM UTC

Belief

Do you believe? Should you believe? Am I really in deep **** if I don't? And why is morality tied with belief? All around me I see belief. All around me I see believers. All around me I see fear. I see condemnation. Cruelty, avarice, egotism, punishment. All in the name of belief. **** belief. Too many are abused because of belief. Lying to justify our evil, defines belief. If we are to believe, let's do it in ourselves.

15

You attacked again yesterday Life killer. Future stealer. How very much I hate you. I avoid bright sun, you've made my eyes too sensitive. I avoid beautiful moonlight, entrancingly dangerous. No more driving No more working No more independence No point But there are 3 who need me I take my multitude of meds for them. When the older 2 are gone, the younger one should be able to stand alone. Looking forward to the day I can say goodbye. So tired.

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Mar 29, 2018

Mar 29, 2018 at 7:55 AM UTC

Seizure

You attacked again yesterday Life killer. Future stealer. How very much I hate you. I avoid bright sun, you've made my eyes too sensitive. I avoid beautiful moonlight, entrancingly dangerous. No more driving No more working No more independence No point But there are 3 who need me I take my multitude of meds for them. When the older 2 are gone, the younger one should be able to stand alone. Looking forward to the day I can say goodbye. So tired.

15

My millions of minions Today I set you free Don't revel too much Soon you will feel the force of my ties. My prisoner you are, all of you. Daily I harness you and imprison you. Your freedom fills me with joy But your upkeep is too tiring. Shackling you is easier. Letting u swim in natural oils, wrapping u together to hide your ill treatment Minimal effort, for minimal joy, My lazy choice

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Mar 17, 2018

Mar 17, 2018 at 7:12 AM UTC

My prisoners

My millions of minions Today I set you free Don't revel too much Soon you will feel the force of my ties. My prisoner you are, all of you. Daily I harness you and imprison you. Your freedom fills me with joy But your upkeep is too tiring. Shackling you is easier. Letting u swim in natural oils, wrapping u together to hide your ill treatment Minimal effort, for minimal joy, My lazy choice

12

I'm not drunk, Just inebriated. I still have all my faculties, But a headache pounds my temples. It's nice to disappear for a while. Nice to remember my ails, and flip them the bird! White wine my poison, Pinot Gris - yummy! Can't leave forever, Too many think I'm their rock. A carefully cultivated image. Temporary escape.....better than nothing.

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Mar 8, 2018

Mar 8, 2018 at 7:33 AM UTC

Drunk

I'm not drunk, Just inebriated. I still have all my faculties, But a headache pounds my temples. It's nice to disappear for a while. Nice to remember my ails, and flip them the bird! White wine my poison, Pinot Gris - yummy! Can't leave forever, Too many think I'm their rock. A carefully cultivated image. Temporary escape.....better than nothing.

12