Squeedunk - Hello Poetry

I love you, Truly I do. You don't see this, How could you not? I wear this ring , I provide ,I support. I do more than I should, Just so you are protected and provided for . Just so you are safe. Yet, All this while , you don't see it. I provide almost everything, I'm in debt and you know it. You borrowed so much money from me , Never gave back. That should have been my **** clue. Here I am , Providing the best meals, The best holidays , A comfortable home. Here you are, The little you earn, You think of everyone else first. Like you don't owe me so much already. You give gifts , To people who don't need nor expect it. You don't even see this. It's partly my fault. I provided everything. To my own detriment. I did it all for you. You don't see it. I don't know how to make you see it. I just don't know . I love you with all my heart. I still, just don't know . All I know is, I can't ,I won't keep being this. I can't be your back bone. When you ain't mine.

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Jul 1, 2021

Jul 1, 2021 at 3:17 PM UTC

On and on again

I love you, Truly I do. You don't see this, How could you not? I wear this ring , I provide ,I support. I do more than I should, Just so you are protected and provided for . Just so you are safe. Yet, All this while , you don't see it. I provide almost everything, I'm in debt and you know it. You borrowed so much money from me , Never gave back. That should have been my **** clue. Here I am , Providing the best meals, The best holidays , A comfortable home. Here you are, The little you earn, You think of everyone else first. Like you don't owe me so much already. You give gifts , To people who don't need nor expect it. You don't even see this. It's partly my fault. I provided everything. To my own detriment. I did it all for you. You don't see it. I don't know how to make you see it. I just don't know . I love you with all my heart. I still, just don't know . All I know is, I can't ,I won't keep being this. I can't be your back bone. When you ain't mine.

39

I'm soon to turn 30, Yet one thing still easily slips my fingers, I've read so many books, I've watched so many tutorials, I've blamed myself, I've blamed others, I've given up . Then I get pull right back in. The hope of fulfillment of a promise, Achieving the desires in of my heart, The longing I've buried so long, The need that won't be ignored. I get pulled right back in, With a soul that seems mature, A person that is loving, caring enough To have me dreaming, To have me hoping, To revive my longing, From the deep depths, of my caged up heart. The cycle then repeats, Everything starts to fade, My heart shrieks in pain, I decide never again. I give up on the dream. I bury it all away, Never to ache again , From a Love that I once thought would last. In the meantime, I need a drink. Make it a red wine, Something good for the heart finally.

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Nov 5, 2018

Nov 5, 2018 at 10:00 AM UTC

I need a Drink

I'm soon to turn 30, Yet one thing still easily slips my fingers, I've read so many books, I've watched so many tutorials, I've blamed myself, I've blamed others, I've given up . Then I get pull right back in. The hope of fulfillment of a promise, Achieving the desires in of my heart, The longing I've buried so long, The need that won't be ignored. I get pulled right back in, With a soul that seems mature, A person that is loving, caring enough To have me dreaming, To have me hoping, To revive my longing, From the deep depths, of my caged up heart. The cycle then repeats, Everything starts to fade, My heart shrieks in pain, I decide never again. I give up on the dream. I bury it all away, Never to ache again , From a Love that I once thought would last. In the meantime, I need a drink. Make it a red wine, Something good for the heart finally.

32

How come , All I want is you . How come , You don't need me the same way. With you, my heart is full of joy, All I want is for you , to feel the same joy. Yet , you don't see me that way. As much as I know it's not my fault, I can't help but wonder why? Ain't I strong enough, Smart enough, Pretty enough, Young enough, Funny Enough. Was it that I did too much or too little. Was it that I was independent , and it was hard on your ego. Didn't I put you first, Didn't I try enough. I know I can't blame myself, but how come, how come, You never loved me back?

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Apr 12, 2018

Apr 12, 2018 at 8:58 AM UTC

Best of me

How come , All I want is you . How come , You don't need me the same way. With you, my heart is full of joy, All I want is for you , to feel the same joy. Yet , you don't see me that way. As much as I know it's not my fault, I can't help but wonder why? Ain't I strong enough, Smart enough, Pretty enough, Young enough, Funny Enough. Was it that I did too much or too little. Was it that I was independent , and it was hard on your ego. Didn't I put you first, Didn't I try enough. I know I can't blame myself, but how come, how come, You never loved me back?

28

They say , When you stop wanting something, "You receive it". How funny and contradictory, I gave up ,got fed up with heartache, Made peace with being alone, No Cinderella story for me . I was happy for those who found it I'd rejoice with them Not even feel envious. I was okay. Then out of the blue, With so much intrigue and complexity, He showed up , Being perfect, treating me right. Saying the right things, Igniting passions inside me, I had long killed. I Pushed him away, Till I couldn't anymore And I opened up , Knowing all the risks. I let him in. Didn't feel like much then. I thought , It wouldn't last , Told myself not to like him. ******* me. Cupid must be laughing Because now I see all the signs, Signs I've been so familiar with. Beginning of the end, I feel the crush in my heart, The pain that can't just be erased. The reality of why I had given up. The reason to give up again. I can be happy alone, Doesn't mean I'm lonely. Some things just aren't meant for me. You've had your fun cupid. Now let me go please. Let me go heal.

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Jul 4, 2016

Jul 4, 2016 at 6:31 AM UTC

Change in the Weather

They say , When you stop wanting something, "You receive it". How funny and contradictory, I gave up ,got fed up with heartache, Made peace with being alone, No Cinderella story for me . I was happy for those who found it I'd rejoice with them Not even feel envious. I was okay. Then out of the blue, With so much intrigue and complexity, He showed up , Being perfect, treating me right. Saying the right things, Igniting passions inside me, I had long killed. I Pushed him away, Till I couldn't anymore And I opened up , Knowing all the risks. I let him in. Didn't feel like much then. I thought , It wouldn't last , Told myself not to like him. ******* me. Cupid must be laughing Because now I see all the signs, Signs I've been so familiar with. Beginning of the end, I feel the crush in my heart, The pain that can't just be erased. The reality of why I had given up. The reason to give up again. I can be happy alone, Doesn't mean I'm lonely. Some things just aren't meant for me. You've had your fun cupid. Now let me go please. Let me go heal.

41

Isn't it? The Unpredictability of life, The spontaneous nature of people, The will to do more, So much to be grateful for. So much to look forward to. So much to love.

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Mar 10, 2016

Mar 10, 2016 at 5:47 AM UTC

Amazing

Isn't it? The Unpredictability of life, The spontaneous nature of people, The will to do more, So much to be grateful for. So much to look forward to. So much to love.

7

Every now and then, I get a bit emotional, I feel the lost touch , To a reality I wanted to live. A family I wanted to have, A life to share with my love, The joys of growing old together. I lost touch , With my plans, My future , My list of unrealized dreams, The illusion of young age. Every now and then , It hits me , Hits me real hard, It's just me.

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Mar 10, 2016

Mar 10, 2016 at 5:45 AM UTC

Just Me

Every now and then, I get a bit emotional, I feel the lost touch , To a reality I wanted to live. A family I wanted to have, A life to share with my love, The joys of growing old together. I lost touch , With my plans, My future , My list of unrealized dreams, The illusion of young age. Every now and then , It hits me , Hits me real hard, It's just me.

16

I'm hang over you, A little more time, I'd have been head over heels, I don't regret it, But I'm at the hardest part, Highest of the peaks, My heart fills with joy and pain, I’ve tried so hard, Not to hate you, Because hate fuels a reason, To let go. But I don't, Fond memories haunt me, And I love every bit of them, The simple smile that creeps in, When something or someone, Reminds me of you. I'm at the peak of letting go. I think I'm stuck here. I don't know how to go down. Don’t know how to move on.

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Feb 22, 2016

Feb 22, 2016 at 4:38 AM UTC

Stuck

I'm hang over you, A little more time, I'd have been head over heels, I don't regret it, But I'm at the hardest part, Highest of the peaks, My heart fills with joy and pain, I’ve tried so hard, Not to hate you, Because hate fuels a reason, To let go. But I don't, Fond memories haunt me, And I love every bit of them, The simple smile that creeps in, When something or someone, Reminds me of you. I'm at the peak of letting go. I think I'm stuck here. I don't know how to go down. Don’t know how to move on.

21

We need to talk Cupid, Have a heartfelt one on one . I wanna be grateful, The Love I’ve ever had, The Love I’ve ever Known and shared, Oh how I’ve loved, I go all in , I fall quick and get over it slow. Cupid, I'm grateful But it's enough don't you think? The patches and cracks on my heart are enough, The pain I’ve felt oh so many times, Don't you think? The cycle of joy, passion, hope, Then self-doubt from rejection That I never saw coming, Ending with rebuilt self-esteem. How many times Cupid, Has that happened? Maybe 30, maybe more? It's enough don’t you think? I can't be the in-between person anymore, While they end up leaving me , To go find the right one, I can't keep at that love cycle, Tell me what you want from me ? Tell me why? I'd hate to think, You enjoy me being broken down, I'd hate to think , You find pleasure in my pain, Even if you do. It's enough Cupid, Don't you think?

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Feb 15, 2016

Feb 15, 2016 at 3:20 AM UTC

Dear Cupid

We need to talk Cupid, Have a heartfelt one on one . I wanna be grateful, The Love I’ve ever had, The Love I’ve ever Known and shared, Oh how I’ve loved, I go all in , I fall quick and get over it slow. Cupid, I'm grateful But it's enough don't you think? The patches and cracks on my heart are enough, The pain I’ve felt oh so many times, Don't you think? The cycle of joy, passion, hope, Then self-doubt from rejection That I never saw coming, Ending with rebuilt self-esteem. How many times Cupid, Has that happened? Maybe 30, maybe more? It's enough don’t you think? I can't be the in-between person anymore, While they end up leaving me , To go find the right one, I can't keep at that love cycle, Tell me what you want from me ? Tell me why? I'd hate to think, You enjoy me being broken down, I'd hate to think , You find pleasure in my pain, Even if you do. It's enough Cupid, Don't you think?

35

I gave it my all you know. I realize now Good Memories Can haunt you just as bad As the bad ones I remember the good It feels like I’m falling in love with you All over again Yet I know I won't see you again. My heart still keeps waiting for you A message or a call Maybe you'll just show up at my door I still choose the good memories I'd much rather be in love with the ghost of you Than not at all.

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Feb 15, 2016

Feb 15, 2016 at 3:04 AM UTC

Crazy Begins slow

I gave it my all you know. I realize now Good Memories Can haunt you just as bad As the bad ones I remember the good It feels like I’m falling in love with you All over again Yet I know I won't see you again. My heart still keeps waiting for you A message or a call Maybe you'll just show up at my door I still choose the good memories I'd much rather be in love with the ghost of you Than not at all.

16

My reaction, Has always been bitterness, Anger and frustration From the feeling of being neglected, Resented and rejected. It's tiresome though Turns me in to insecure, bitter person Today I choose a different reaction I choose to keep love, To be grateful for love For the precious moments we shared The care and love we had Even though brief. I choose to remember How you looked at me, Called me beautiful, Showed me off, Held my hand, Kissed me, tirelessly, Hungrily. I choice to remember The touch of your hand, The feel of your skin against mine, The smile, The company, The intelligent conversations. I choose to remember Your kind charming self, The joy I’d feel, Every time I was with you. This time, I choose to love. I choose the good memories.

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Feb 5, 2016

Feb 5, 2016 at 1:25 AM UTC

Let Go

My reaction, Has always been bitterness, Anger and frustration From the feeling of being neglected, Resented and rejected. It's tiresome though Turns me in to insecure, bitter person Today I choose a different reaction I choose to keep love, To be grateful for love For the precious moments we shared The care and love we had Even though brief. I choose to remember How you looked at me, Called me beautiful, Showed me off, Held my hand, Kissed me, tirelessly, Hungrily. I choice to remember The touch of your hand, The feel of your skin against mine, The smile, The company, The intelligent conversations. I choose to remember Your kind charming self, The joy I’d feel, Every time I was with you. This time, I choose to love. I choose the good memories.

33