Nothing compares to a love like this. I didn’t even know this could exist.
You touch me and there’s automatic peace. You carry me to bed when I fall asleep.
You tuck me in to keep me warm,
Or let me wear your coat even though you can’t feel your arms.
You tell me daily how much you love me,
And it’s what you’re always demonstrating.
You listen to me read novels and poetry.
And (almost) never interrupt me.
I hope that I do enough for you
To show you that I love you, too.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:54 AM UTC
I’m the queen of overthinking so you have to know that I’m overthinking things each night that goes by, afraid that you must have, or will, changed your mind.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:40 AM UTC
This all feels like a dream— the highest are so high and the hues are so pure but just like when I’m dreaming, when something hurts it burns and stings and bleeds.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:29 AM UTC
“It’s not you,” You tell me.
But I can’t make you see that security is always fleeting. But I will not be. And I just want that to be enough.
I just want to be enough.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:26 AM UTC
You’re so afraid of your security
That you accidentally take mine from me.
I felt secure in you until you changed your mind, repeatedly.
If you aren’t ready, please tell me.
Because I’m afraid to wait forever for you only to find that I’ll never be enough for you.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:24 AM UTC
What did she have that I’m missing? What did you have then vs. now that changes things? It’s hard to feel like it’s not me. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m adding to your stress and I’m sure I’m not helping but I just want you to see what this seems like to me, especially considering my history— nobody has ever been sure of me, really.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:20 AM UTC
Maybe if you were ******* me it’d be enough for you to want to marry me, and release your notion of security.
Maybe that’s what it takes. Maybe that’s why she was different.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:18 AM UTC
Even the guy who didn’t really want me, was able to get down on one knee. Hell, he even married me— albeit unfaithfully.
Is that why you can’t do the same thing? Do you not really want me? Or are you not sure I’m everything you need?
Why am I not enough for you to really choose me?
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 11:14 AM UTC
Each day I am with you, you remind me why I am.
I used to get in my own way, questioning if things needed to change, needing to control every little thing.
But at some point there I took a breath, relaxed a bit, and dove in head first. Thank goodness I did.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 6:04 AM UTC
I didn’t fall in love with you.
I was falling in love with myself again, and you supported me as I patched these broken things.
And you loved me, and reminded me that I am worthy. You were the first to treat me the way I was deserving.
But I held you at bay, consistently afraid. Even when I began to let you in I dug my heels in, resisting change.
Until I started breathing and began releasing. I stopped white knuckling, and resisting.
And, remember. I didn’t fall. I made the choice to risk it all.
I leapt over the cliff, where my earth cracked and crumbled to bits by the last. And I chose to love you even after all of that.
I choose to love you every day, getting know you as the seasons change. And through it all I plan to stay.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 6:02 AM UTC