*This is it
The last drive
The last song
The last time I will fail
For my beginning or end
The final goodbye
I can't go back any further
I'm at the edge of the cliff and everything is pushing me forward
I can't scream any louder
No one is coming
Its just me
I have to decided
Do I push back or fall forward
The problems are many
Building everything but me
The world takes on a new light even in the darkness of night
Does this final glimmer of hope have enough to push me back
Enough to push everything back
Or is this the story of someone who found peace off the cliff*
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 1:23 AM UTC
*Have you ever had everything right in front of you
Then watched it get wrenched away from you as your fingers grip tight trying to hang on
Leaving nothing but a black void in you
Have you ever filled yourself with hate and depression
Feeling of hopelessness and broken dreams
The belief that everything is always going to turn against you, or leave you
Have you ever stared at the dark sky wondering what keeps you going
Wishing someone would take you away or end the searing pain inside you
Wondering if anyone would even miss you or care
Have you ever warn a fake smile so long you forget what a real one feels like
Exhausting yourself trying to keep others from knowing how you feel
Fearing that someone might see through your mask of darkness
Fearing that someone might make you smile for real and then leave you
Fearing that everything will start working out again just in time to all fall back apart
Fearing that nothing is ever going to make you happy
Fearing that no one is ever going to understand you or make you happy
Have you ever felt like cutting yourself just so you didn't feel that deep empty pain if only for a moment
Thinking why can't I just be happy
Why can't everything just work out for me
Have you ever thought tomorrow was going to be the day you ended your life long torment
Feeling like you might take the razor a little deeper tomorrow
Feeling like you have given it your all and you have nothing left
Have you ever felt like you were all alone in your pain
Like you had no one who could truly understand you
Thinking you were just weak and pathetic
Been to afraid to talk out of fear of what people would say or think
Worried about how your friends or family would feel
You are not alone
You are not pathetic or weak
You are not broken beyond repair
Tomorrow doesn't need to be your last day
You don't have to cut to make that pain go away
You won't always lose everything even if it feels like
You are not alone
You are not forgotten or replaceable
You can stand back on your feet
You will get through everything even when it seems impossible
You will be understood by the people who care about you
You are not stupid for feeling depressed about any of it
You are strong enough to keep pushing
You will smile again and feel the joy of laughter
You will look back at your life someday and be happy you didn't give up
You need to let people in and talk
You do need to express yourself because nobody can do it better
You will never be judge by people who truly matter or care
You can get through this*
Jan 26, 2014
Jan 26, 2014 at 4:53 AM UTC
*Depression is not a 1st world problem
it is not a rich or poor person problem
it's not something that will just go away as you get older
or something you are immune to when you are younger
depression is not something that can be wished or willed away
depression is not a problem that only the weak or strong experience
it is not bound by race or ***
it is not something you can run away from
depression is not something you can lock away and forget about
depression won't leave you alone at night
it's not something that cares who your friends with or who you know
it doesn't care if you're sick or healthy
depression is something felt by all*
-Jeffrey Sutter
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 12:20 AM UTC
*I'm done with the games
I'm done with this pain
I won't hide behind my barricaded door
I won't stand here and just let my voice go unheard
If I have to scream then i'll scream
I'll scream till the world shakes apart
I'll scream till someone finally looks at me
I won't go back into the dark
I won't be pushed back anymore
I won't be stopped or shut down anymore
If I have to move you then I'll move you
I can't be turned away anymore
I can't fix the broken pieces anymore
My hands have been cut to shreds and I just can't grip any longer
I can't back up anymore
The walls are right behind me and I'm just screaming on my knees
Screaming that someone will just look at me
Screaming that someone will stick out a hand
I'm on my knees just screaming
Screaming for a hand to grip
Please just listen to me
Just listen to what I have to say
Please just don't let me go unheard
Don't let the world drowned me out
I have something to say
I have something that needs to be heard
I won't scream forever but I'm screaming now
Just don't let my voice fall on deaf ears
Just listen to me
Listen to me while I'm still screaming
Listen to me while I still have breath in these lungs
Listen while I still have something to say* -Jeffrey Sutter
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 2:03 AM UTC
*I tear it out because I don't need it anymore
I don't want to play anymore
I don't want to stand and fight anymore
I can't take anymore
I have no tears anymore
I'm done and its over
I'm tired of shaking
I'm tired of waking up and not knowing
I'm tired of stuffing it all inside
There's no room left anymore
There's no fight left anymore
The war is over and i'm not sure who's the winner
I can't do this anymore*
-Jeffrey Sutter
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 1:29 AM UTC
*Divested self worth and shattered dreams
my heart bleeds to feed the screaming voices
in hopes that my blood will purge them from my mind
and desecrate my thoughts of a life long lost* - Jeffrey Sutter
Jun 22, 2013
Jun 22, 2013 at 5:30 AM UTC
*Life is an ever ending mystery
Life is cruel and will kick you when your down
Life doesn't care who you are or who you know
Life doesn't stop and wait for you to ketch up
Life will speed right past you if you waste it
Life will make you wish you never had it to begin with
Life can scar you deeper than any knife can
Life can make you want to give up
But Life can also bring joy
Life is what you fight to keep
Life is the greatest gift you can give
Life is always worth keeping
Don't ever give up on Life* -Jeffrey Sutter
Jan 14, 2013
Jan 14, 2013 at 6:41 PM UTC
*Another day passes as he wishes he had been born differently
Another day he puts on clothes he doesn't like
Another day he looks into the mirror and feels nothing but pain and sadness
Another day he wastes his breath praying to god to change him
Another day he walks through the mall and wishes he could change his body
Another lie told to a friend when asked if he is okay
Another night spent dreaming about the life he feels he should be living
Another week spent feeling completely alone
Another year spent living the same life
A life he feels deep in his heart is the wrong one.*- Jeffrey Sutter
Dec 9, 2012
Dec 9, 2012 at 2:49 AM UTC
*He looks at the empty bottle he has just fished off
He punches the wall and tells himself this is the last time
He knows this is the same thing he told himself yesterday but refuses to admit he has a problem
His pain has been replaced by the feeling of numbness and confusion
He just sits and waits for the day the lights finally shut off
He thinks to himself maybe then I will finally find happiness.* -Jeffrey Sutter
Nov 9, 2012
Nov 9, 2012 at 3:16 PM UTC
*Another night spent shaking in the cold waiting for the warmth of love to warm him
Another day spent waiting for love to flow through his heart
Another week spent crying in the shadows cast by his broken soul
Another month spent walking along the shattered edges of his world
Another unfathomable year spent in a desolate life
Another lonely boy looking for nothing more than for someone to appreciate his existence*
-Jeffrey Sutter
Oct 16, 2012
Oct 16, 2012 at 10:12 PM UTC