SlymeiClaira - Hello Poetry

I fantasise. I fantasise about my demise. Long, drawn out, painful, And complete bliss. Countless different ways Often at the hands of another. A great powerful being Who can execute the dance To the very. End. I imagine my hands being sawn off. Gagged and bound. Each ****** of the saw going Deeper and Deeper. Torn flesh, ligaments, bone. Dazzling white jagged bone. Glorious contrast against the ****** mess. You’d love it. I imagine rope burns from the struggle Against the ceaseless pain. I imagine how I would be cursing Myself for getting us into this. Cracking Bones. Burning Flesh. Bruised Skin. Oh to be the other half Of a serial killers fantasy.

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Aug 4, 2020

Aug 4, 2020 at 7:02 PM UTC

C’est la vie

I fantasise. I fantasise about my demise. Long, drawn out, painful, And complete bliss. Countless different ways Often at the hands of another. A great powerful being Who can execute the dance To the very. End. I imagine my hands being sawn off. Gagged and bound. Each ****** of the saw going Deeper and Deeper. Torn flesh, ligaments, bone. Dazzling white jagged bone. Glorious contrast against the ****** mess. You’d love it. I imagine rope burns from the struggle Against the ceaseless pain. I imagine how I would be cursing Myself for getting us into this. Cracking Bones. Burning Flesh. Bruised Skin. Oh to be the other half Of a serial killers fantasy.

29

I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad thoughts. Fleeting, passing, ever changing? I wish! I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad, thoughts. Sticking, clinging, ever staying. I despair. Bleach? Drink it. Heart? Stab it. Food? Puke it. I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad thoughts.

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Jul 16, 2020

Jul 16, 2020 at 11:52 AM UTC

Thoughts

I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad thoughts. Fleeting, passing, ever changing? I wish! I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad, thoughts. Sticking, clinging, ever staying. I despair. Bleach? Drink it. Heart? Stab it. Food? Puke it. I keep getting thoughts. The bad, bad thoughts.

13

Flow through me like Water in the Stream. Float through me like Clouds in the Sky. Play through me like Notes in the Song. Burn through me like Wood in the Fire. Swim through me like Fish in the Sea. Shoot through me like Stars in the Sky. Beat through me like Blood in the Heart. Thoughts through the Head will keep going ‘til your dead.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 6:50 PM UTC

Current

Flow through me like Water in the Stream. Float through me like Clouds in the Sky. Play through me like Notes in the Song. Burn through me like Wood in the Fire. Swim through me like Fish in the Sea. Shoot through me like Stars in the Sky. Beat through me like Blood in the Heart. Thoughts through the Head will keep going ‘til your dead.

15

Long ago you left. But not long enough. You are a multiple. Become a section of my brain. You are haunting my dreams. Left long ago. But you’re still in my head. You haven’t left scars. These wounds are still open. Bleeding. Why did you have to be like that. You were everting I was not. Why did you have to ruin The only bit of me I had. Why have I let you win. Did you even want to win? Were you losing in your mind? Often wondering, What hurt you so much That you had to hurt me? I don’t want to give you sympathy. But I can’t help it. I hope your problems healed. Did I help your wounds Become scars? I hope so. Otherwise what was the point? I’ll heal my own wounds. I won’t be the cause of someones. I don’t pass on my pain.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 6:28 PM UTC

Aggie Or Claus.

Long ago you left. But not long enough. You are a multiple. Become a section of my brain. You are haunting my dreams. Left long ago. But you’re still in my head. You haven’t left scars. These wounds are still open. Bleeding. Why did you have to be like that. You were everting I was not. Why did you have to ruin The only bit of me I had. Why have I let you win. Did you even want to win? Were you losing in your mind? Often wondering, What hurt you so much That you had to hurt me? I don’t want to give you sympathy. But I can’t help it. I hope your problems healed. Did I help your wounds Become scars? I hope so. Otherwise what was the point? I’ll heal my own wounds. I won’t be the cause of someones. I don’t pass on my pain.

30

Why am I embarrassed to help myself? No wonder people stay ill, When the world cringes at positivity. Positivity makes my toes curl. Positivity makes my face snarl. Remind myself to breathe, I can feel you laughing down my neck. Can’t handle my problems, Without mocking myself, At every self care measure I take. You ruined my integrity. I hate what you’ve done to me.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 6:14 PM UTC

Cringe.

Why am I embarrassed to help myself? No wonder people stay ill, When the world cringes at positivity. Positivity makes my toes curl. Positivity makes my face snarl. Remind myself to breathe, I can feel you laughing down my neck. Can’t handle my problems, Without mocking myself, At every self care measure I take. You ruined my integrity. I hate what you’ve done to me.

12

Brain: You should **** yourself. Me: No. You should go to sleep. Brain: Living is pointless. Me. No. Dying is pointless. Brain: Here comes diabetes. Me. No. Here comes a nice taste. Brain: You look strange. Me. No. You look like a person. Brain: Your voice is stupid. Me. No. Your voice is communicating for you.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 6:07 PM UTC

Debating The Brain

Brain: You should **** yourself. Me: No. You should go to sleep. Brain: Living is pointless. Me. No. Dying is pointless. Brain: Here comes diabetes. Me. No. Here comes a nice taste. Brain: You look strange. Me. No. You look like a person. Brain: Your voice is stupid. Me. No. Your voice is communicating for you.

10

Penny for your thoughts. Penny for my thoughts. Penny to change my thoughts. Penny to stop my thoughts. But thoughts don’t stop. And change takes time. So your thoughts for mine. We’ll change them over time. No pennies needed.

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Jul 10, 2020

Jul 10, 2020 at 6:00 PM UTC

Thoughts for a Penny

Penny for your thoughts. Penny for my thoughts. Penny to change my thoughts. Penny to stop my thoughts. But thoughts don’t stop. And change takes time. So your thoughts for mine. We’ll change them over time. No pennies needed.

9

Supple. Soft. Bare it. Bare it now. Tougher. Harder. That won’t do. Move up. Seamless. Untouched. Grab it. Pull it. Is it ready? Inspecting for impurities That will ruin this rare experience. Drag it. Rip it. Tear it. But no. This time it glides. Smooth. Effortless. Over. And Over. So fast. Grinning wide. Insides now outsides. Spillages for someone else to clean.

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Jul 5, 2020

Jul 5, 2020 at 5:22 PM UTC

Old Skin, New.

Supple. Soft. Bare it. Bare it now. Tougher. Harder. That won’t do. Move up. Seamless. Untouched. Grab it. Pull it. Is it ready? Inspecting for impurities That will ruin this rare experience. Drag it. Rip it. Tear it. But no. This time it glides. Smooth. Effortless. Over. And Over. So fast. Grinning wide. Insides now outsides. Spillages for someone else to clean.

18

I am tired. “Lol, Same.” I am sad. “Lol, Same.” I am depressed. “Lol, Same.” I want to die. “Lol, Same.” My life seems pointless. “Lol, Same.” I literally wish I was never born. “Lol, Same.” My existence feels like a never ending downfall, countless pain and misery. “Lol, Same.” I’m going to **** myself. “Lol, same.” “May they now rest in peace.” “Why didn’t they say anything?”

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Jul 5, 2020

Jul 5, 2020 at 4:43 PM UTC

Same

I am tired. “Lol, Same.” I am sad. “Lol, Same.” I am depressed. “Lol, Same.” I want to die. “Lol, Same.” My life seems pointless. “Lol, Same.” I literally wish I was never born. “Lol, Same.” My existence feels like a never ending downfall, countless pain and misery. “Lol, Same.” I’m going to **** myself. “Lol, same.” “May they now rest in peace.” “Why didn’t they say anything?”

18

Don’t be scared to let go. I’d rather something real, Then something so forced. Don’t worry about how I’ll feel. Don’t be scared Scared to let go, I’d rather you be happy, Then stuck here with me. It would hurt more to know I made you feel ******

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Jul 4, 2020

Jul 4, 2020 at 7:17 PM UTC

Leave Me If You Need To.

Don’t be scared to let go. I’d rather something real, Then something so forced. Don’t worry about how I’ll feel. Don’t be scared Scared to let go, I’d rather you be happy, Then stuck here with me. It would hurt more to know I made you feel ******

8