I stand in front of the mirror
Like a movie star actress
Giggle at how quickly I'd fall
I clutch the towel to my bare chest
And cry on command
Staring into that old familiar brown
It is very early in the morning
I did not sleep last night
In two hours I will be cheating on a test
But right now I am the dashing hero come to embrace his bride
The femme fatal
The weary drunken hunter
The monster
A movie star actress
And I fake cry too well
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021 at 6:42 PM UTC
Seeming as though they want to crawl inside
I invite every word you sowed into my home
Restless they skitter into every corner of my room
Make themselves comfortable in my bed
Unslept in, untidy
I click my pen absentmindedly at the desk as I write
But each sentence is a copy of your kisses
You came, paved the road through icy snow
And I don’t want to reject your passion
Perhaps because, akin to my features
I am unloved
The only one there for me
The only fickle heart that
Didn’t always seem so worthless
This world revolves around an atmosphere of
Shaky hands and nervous glances
Long walks and apologies
No matter how many times I laugh
It isn’t enough to silence the poor restive dog
But the door to the backyard is locked
Don’t make me find the key
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021 at 12:46 AM UTC
The smell of cherries,
Rich, tangy, sweet,
Like syrup dripping down through my water,
Leaving my lungs filled with nauseatingly, gorgeous pink,
Outside the window’s damp metallic screen.
It pulls my eyes out,
Leaving across the city,
Dark and screaming as it is.
Screaming to be worth something,
To be known,
And all we are is above, in the clouds.
Pink, suffocatingly high,
All around us the air sings,
And I am choking,
Colliding with the atmosphere,
The heart envelops the mind,
I am here again,
All metal.
Waking nightmare,
The smell of cherries.
May 2, 2021
May 2, 2021 at 7:17 PM UTC
I am not a person like tomorrow.
A walking ghost,
I still live alongside blissful degeneracy.
They stole ten years from me,
Ten years of my ecstatic individualism.
A decade spent crying into the hard, wooden floor.
And the fog that clouds my peripheral vision,
Obstructs my future as well, clutching the flask.
But that’s alright.
I will not get my decade back,
Nor my stability, that never lingered,
But I will make a list.
What I missed while I was absent.
Most things start with a list.
Why can’t I?
May 2, 2021
May 2, 2021 at 1:44 PM UTC
I am perched atop a golden hill,
With grey birds lighting the sky.
Alone, I’m thought of as ill,
But this illness I possess is mine.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
Akin to good and evil.
Who am I to refuse to shoulder,
The sins of man, primeval?
Disown the fear of love,
Life has never been in vain.
The sky looks down from above,
It commands that no soul is insane.
And nature’s children all gather,
Above the glinting sea,
And of my life I am the master,
As human as I can be.
Apr 29, 2021
Apr 29, 2021 at 1:49 PM UTC
There is beauty in my pain.
Yes, if you mean,
Those effervescent tears,
Streaking down your flawless cheeks.
If you mean that romanticized,
Clear blood you lie in.
Darling, you were already bewitching.
You were born from the sky,
A divine demonstration of mortal virtue.
There is no beauty in your pain,
There is merely pain amongst your beauty.
Apr 28, 2021
Apr 28, 2021 at 4:35 PM UTC
thrumming soul i speak to you
in amber shades of grey and blue
why dreams cascade in hazel eyes
and broken fights like desert skies
i bleed in red and grey and black
stumble along the deranged track
for reality's worth is less than nothing
preaching my life wretched, disgusting
shrieking with each spectacular collision
parched throat and insubordinate vision
dying heart i plead of you
for all our sakes, you must pull through
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 8:30 PM UTC
Though I love you, and I did,
I returned once more to the orchard.
Home seemed so far away,
Clasped in the hands of another.
Every dish washed another breath drawn,
The slick ribbons against the trees.
My love, my wonder, at my side.
Again, my demons embrace me.
Again did I stop outside of my haven,
Praying to a malevolent, unloving light.
Is it wrong to be so human, my doubts,
How could a grey sky be alright?
Why live if living is wrong,
If each whine should be a cry?
My bed felt more like teeth then,
Gnawing at me from each side.
The flowers bloomed under a night sky,
Adorned with all the things I should’ve confessed.
Once again I find myself in that time,
Yet with you I think only of what I’ve repressed.
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 12:27 PM UTC
There is something adjacent to love,
Something heartless.
The love without love.
The want.
The clouds, they shake,
And I shake with them,
Because I have nowhere to go.
Blood cools and blackens and it’s a good thing.
Desire cools and darkens and it’s a,
Foreign feeling,
Even after happening again and again.
There has to be dark clouds.
There has to be a storm because it’s a good thing,
But my walls cannot endure so much thunder.
The absence of hope, like the abundance of despair.
Forcing yourself to shake because you just can,
And no one is there to chastise it.
There is something adjacent to love,
But it might as well be a thousand miles away,
For all the good the distance does.
A moonless sky,
By the time you notice it,
The stars have already brought it home.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 11:04 PM UTC
I fall asleep at 5:03
And dream of little crying bunnies
Cupcakes and smiles and sweet milk
Laced with arsenic hunger like honey
The crashing shore juxtaposed
With the little girl in the lily white dress
And sickeningly sweet fluffy blankets
Suffocating under the loving care of duress
Like dead leaves cast aside under the rug
Burying any trace of coveted sexuality
The condition of listening to soft voices
Shrieking against the delusion of humanity
Gods know there's no denying the steady decline
Or the inherent madness of existential doubt
There is too much chirping and comfort in this room
Too many windows not looking out
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 2:29 PM UTC