ShelleyM - Hello Poetry

My life could be so depressing but I’ve made a determined decision to make sure hat when I feel like something can wrap its clammy claws around my ankle and drag me to the depths I rip my foot out of its hold and take another step. Especially when I have someone else counting on me. Someone I need to excel in life for to give them hope they do not have elsewhere. An honesty they cannot find without me. It could be considered a trap in life but I will not view it that way as this creature, my own blood and bones needs me. Has protected me and admired me. I cannot fail him. Nor should I fail myself. He is the constant reminder that I am not a failure and that no matter how many waves of disappointment and destruction try wash over me I will keep my grip and I will not let go.

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Apr 22, 2019

Apr 22, 2019 at 1:35 PM UTC

To live for me. To live for you.

My life could be so depressing but I’ve made a determined decision to make sure hat when I feel like something can wrap its clammy claws around my ankle and drag me to the depths I rip my foot out of its hold and take another step. Especially when I have someone else counting on me. Someone I need to excel in life for to give them hope they do not have elsewhere. An honesty they cannot find without me. It could be considered a trap in life but I will not view it that way as this creature, my own blood and bones needs me. Has protected me and admired me. I cannot fail him. Nor should I fail myself. He is the constant reminder that I am not a failure and that no matter how many waves of disappointment and destruction try wash over me I will keep my grip and I will not let go.

2

To try and forget you... Is akin to ripping a limb from my body. To rip away organs I cannot live without, So I heal and I repair so that I can continue. Yet somehow you remain, To destroy a part of me that is you, Is to rip away a part of myself. A part of me I would not be without that piece. It's a part of me I would not survive without.

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Apr 20, 2019

Apr 20, 2019 at 8:06 PM UTC

I miss you

To try and forget you... Is akin to ripping a limb from my body. To rip away organs I cannot live without, So I heal and I repair so that I can continue. Yet somehow you remain, To destroy a part of me that is you, Is to rip away a part of myself. A part of me I would not be without that piece. It's a part of me I would not survive without.

9

I don't want to continue. I feel I lack the strength For many reasons that weigh Heavy on my chest. Constricting my breathing of this life.

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Jan 6, 2018

Jan 6, 2018 at 10:05 AM UTC

Continue

I don't want to continue. I feel I lack the strength For many reasons that weigh Heavy on my chest. Constricting my breathing of this life.

5

I am struggling I have a lust for love I feel lost without it Romantic fuel I'm dead without it Breathe life back into my soul I lack a fever I lack lust Or love

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Jan 6, 2018

Jan 6, 2018 at 9:53 AM UTC

Struggle

I am struggling I have a lust for love I feel lost without it Romantic fuel I'm dead without it Breathe life back into my soul I lack a fever I lack lust Or love

9

I understand That I’m not good enough for you That I’m not good enough for your family That I’m not good enough for your friends I understand that I have little worth Based on my past actions I understand That my word means nothing That my actions have consequences That I must bear the burden I understand That I am now dubbed untrustworthy That I may not show my pain That I may not have boundaries That I am undeserving I understand. I am not enough for myself

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Dec 10, 2017

Dec 10, 2017 at 7:21 AM UTC

Understand

I understand That I’m not good enough for you That I’m not good enough for your family That I’m not good enough for your friends I understand that I have little worth Based on my past actions I understand That my word means nothing That my actions have consequences That I must bear the burden I understand That I am now dubbed untrustworthy That I may not show my pain That I may not have boundaries That I am undeserving I understand. I am not enough for myself

17

I, harbor danger. Forever attempting to befriend the beast within My grip, white knuckles, too weak, She burns sharp as acid through the cracks in my fist, Poison trickles through veins, taught. Panic. A Grasp of desperation, Stumble, on the edge with no choice but to balance on the tips of broken glass. A thing of beauty, pride or disgust. Both, it must be everything at once. Terror swallowed in the dark Demented Chaos

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Jul 26, 2017

Jul 26, 2017 at 6:04 PM UTC

Warning!

I, harbor danger. Forever attempting to befriend the beast within My grip, white knuckles, too weak, She burns sharp as acid through the cracks in my fist, Poison trickles through veins, taught. Panic. A Grasp of desperation, Stumble, on the edge with no choice but to balance on the tips of broken glass. A thing of beauty, pride or disgust. Both, it must be everything at once. Terror swallowed in the dark Demented Chaos

18

I find myself drawn to places where we have been together, where I will eat and sit contentedly in the warmth of a place. Enjoying the warm memories of us together. I guess that's what we do when we miss people. When alone, we find a place that is familiar. I miss him. But in a good way. I miss the fun we had together. I miss the jokes we made, the sound of our laughter. I miss seeing his clear blue eyes under those heavy lashes, peering into mine. Just being happy to do so. Just that.

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Jul 26, 2017

Jul 26, 2017 at 5:35 PM UTC

Just That

I find myself drawn to places where we have been together, where I will eat and sit contentedly in the warmth of a place. Enjoying the warm memories of us together. I guess that's what we do when we miss people. When alone, we find a place that is familiar. I miss him. But in a good way. I miss the fun we had together. I miss the jokes we made, the sound of our laughter. I miss seeing his clear blue eyes under those heavy lashes, peering into mine. Just being happy to do so. Just that.

10

If I were to be a believer I would believe not only in god But in the devil And believe me when I say, I would choose the latter. Pray, that I do not believe.

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Jun 14, 2017

Jun 14, 2017 at 12:17 PM UTC

Believe

If I were to be a believer I would believe not only in god But in the devil And believe me when I say, I would choose the latter. Pray, that I do not believe.

6

This depression Is as though a dark mist that surrounds me Forever following Changing from mist, to fog, to solid mass Holding me fast As I sink deeper into the depths of the sea Then changing, becoming lighter Lifting me to safety A tease of false hope True enough to be honest but False enough to be short lived Joy is the streaming of sunlight reaching into the depths As I gaze up at the barrier between suffocation and survival As my brain shuts down the delivery of blood and oxygen to the less necessary limbs, my body becomes heavier and surrenders as my heart and lungs struggle to survive in a hopeless situation Contradictory survival Flawed To have my fingers grasp onto safety A thread of sunshine, of life, To warm and inspire life into my bones To fight

0

Jun 14, 2017

Jun 14, 2017 at 12:05 PM UTC

Flawed

This depression Is as though a dark mist that surrounds me Forever following Changing from mist, to fog, to solid mass Holding me fast As I sink deeper into the depths of the sea Then changing, becoming lighter Lifting me to safety A tease of false hope True enough to be honest but False enough to be short lived Joy is the streaming of sunlight reaching into the depths As I gaze up at the barrier between suffocation and survival As my brain shuts down the delivery of blood and oxygen to the less necessary limbs, my body becomes heavier and surrenders as my heart and lungs struggle to survive in a hopeless situation Contradictory survival Flawed To have my fingers grasp onto safety A thread of sunshine, of life, To warm and inspire life into my bones To fight

21