i cannot bring myself to hate you,
not even when you're the reason i feel blue.
i should bring myself to hate you,
but with each glance at you, my love only grew.
i must bring myself to hate you,
at least that much, i knew.
yet every time we talk,
my heart would flutter and dance.
yet every time we text,
i savor it like it's my last chance.
yet every time you cross my mind,
a smile plays across my face, ever the romance.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 8:22 AM UTC
disappointment.
cold, cruel, crushing disappointment
crashes over me like a wave,
threatening to drown me,
with it's choking embrace.
this is what happens,
i tell myself—
this is what happens when you let someone in,
this is what happens when you feel too much,
this is what happens when you let your guard down.
i thought we might've had something,
small and fleeting as it may be,
a piece of driftwood,
something i could cling on,
but i was wrong.
it finally dawned on me,
on a cold winter's day,
when the sun peeked out behind the clouds,
and my world stayed dark in every way;
you could not be my salvation.
how can it be possible,
for you —or anyone— for that matter,
to love me —bruised and battered— a girl who
cannot find anything to love about herself?
how can you find a reason to accept me...
when i cannot even accept myself?
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 8:21 AM UTC
do you love me,
or do you not?
it all boils down
to a simple thought.
the light conversation we exchange,
is this something you do normally, day to day?
or is this something special,
do you have something that you're aching to say?
my heart speeds up
with every stolen glance at you.
my only question now is:
do you feel the way i do?
if i admitted my feelings for you,
and i get let down— would i be able to cope?
but my heart is bursting; i look you in the eye,
and i dare allow myself to hope.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 8:20 AM UTC
my phone lights up,
a smile brightens up my face.
scurrying to check the notification,
hoping to see your username.
but it's not you—
it's somebody else.
i shut off my phone,
the screen turns black.
and a little bit of my heart,
darkens and crumbles along with that.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 8:16 AM UTC
you told me you were toxic
and i still refuse to believe.
you told me you'd break my heart
right from the start.
thousands of warnings
told me i'd be mourning.
but i held on stubbornly
refusing to move on.
so i guess it's my fault
that my shattered heart is now
locked up in a dark, lonely vault.
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 8:51 AM UTC
i loved you
your humor
your quirks
your intricate works.
you said you loved me
my scars
my devil wings
everything.
only after you left
did i realize
that your eyes
only ever saw my flaws.
only when i looked
at my cracked, scarred heart
did i know that nevertheless
i'd have loved you from the start.
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 8:42 AM UTC
i look away
with tear-stained eyes,
shut off my phone
but still remains your lies.
and who am i
but a broken girl alone,
staring in the mirror
only skin and bone,
miles away from home
miles away from "home"
i never needed to be treated like royalty,
all i asked of you
was a little
loyalty.
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 8:40 AM UTC
When your fire has dimmed, someone will come along and be the energy that saves you. The energy that keeps you burning. The energy that keeps you alive.
You were the coal, I was the fire.
You came when the situation was most dire.
I was burnt out, all that was left was glowing embers,
You lent me your happiness, and made me remember.
I fed off your love,
It’s not something I’m proud of.
I needed no oxygen, for you were my air,
Little did I know, that was the beginning of an nightmare.
My love for you only grew and grew,
I forgot what it was like to be blue.
To me, you were the kindest,
And you allowed me to shine my brightest.
But then I became greedy,
You didn’t like people who were needy.
Slowly you extracted yourself from me,
I guess you were right to flee.
For I was a wildfire,
And my demands became higher.
After months of starvation,
You did not answer my pleas for salvation.
My own bitter tears put out my flames,
My sorrow became my chains.
Weaker and weaker I started to feel,
What if I would never heal?
Once again I became ember and ash,
I started to act rash.
Crying and crying,
The constant stream of tears was terrifying.
Crying and crying,
I am no longer flying.
Crying and crying,
My fire is dying.
I put myself out bit by bit,
I had no more reason to stay lit.
Although I think you know,
That you leaving me was the final blow.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 9:17 AM UTC
The wound, the long-term result of our broken love
Had almost stopped hurting
Had almost faded to a dull ache.
But with those words,
It flared up again.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 9:13 AM UTC
I thought the pain would end when you left.
Instead, it intensified.
The moment you confessed,
I wish you had just lied.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 9:12 AM UTC