Sarah - Hello Poetry

Married with a purpose, always dreamt of a different life all together This is the reason I don’t believe in god And why should I, I don’t know if all this makes sense or not Is this the case with god that whatever you ask from him He ll give you totally opposite of the same I certainly asked for a life happier and more stable than this Days pass by and I don’t find a single reason to be happy Days pass by and I don’t find a moment of stableness Days pass by and all I feel is numbness and pain Days pass by and all I feel is more distant from my soul Why only heart dead brain dead is considered to be dead Isn’t the person who has stopped to feel happiness pain sorry Who has forget how it is to be happy at all How it is to feel normal and yourself How it is to be close to your partner How it is to have fun in life !! Why soul dead is not considered to be dead!! I am not alive why this is not a death in itself!

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Sep 6, 2021

Sep 6, 2021 at 12:20 PM UTC

Lost

Married with a purpose, always dreamt of a different life all together This is the reason I don’t believe in god And why should I, I don’t know if all this makes sense or not Is this the case with god that whatever you ask from him He ll give you totally opposite of the same I certainly asked for a life happier and more stable than this Days pass by and I don’t find a single reason to be happy Days pass by and I don’t find a moment of stableness Days pass by and all I feel is numbness and pain Days pass by and all I feel is more distant from my soul Why only heart dead brain dead is considered to be dead Isn’t the person who has stopped to feel happiness pain sorry Who has forget how it is to be happy at all How it is to feel normal and yourself How it is to be close to your partner How it is to have fun in life !! Why soul dead is not considered to be dead!! I am not alive why this is not a death in itself!

19

The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma quite opposite to him but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day, and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be What should she wear How should she talk When should she wake up What should she eat And most important of all In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all this is what i am facing i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind when i was always taught the opposite i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are and I have always followed the opposite I am expected to change myself because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu" And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family why??? are we not human beings Why we are not allowed to dream Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing I dont know who will survive this this is getting difficult each day i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom" Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever as per her heart The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally. but then what they are getting in return?? what happiness they will get in return where will this take them ?? Nowhere!!! they will be left with a person who is lifeless and colorless Nobody to hear me screaming Nobody to see me drowning This is affecting my inner soul but who is bothered?? noone!!! because now that i am married , i am their asset and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes Because "Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.

0

Aug 8, 2021

Aug 8, 2021 at 2:27 AM UTC

what went wrong

The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma quite opposite to him but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day, and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be What should she wear How should she talk When should she wake up What should she eat And most important of all In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all this is what i am facing i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind when i was always taught the opposite i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are and I have always followed the opposite I am expected to change myself because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu" And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family why??? are we not human beings Why we are not allowed to dream Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing I dont know who will survive this this is getting difficult each day i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom" Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever as per her heart The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally. but then what they are getting in return?? what happiness they will get in return where will this take them ?? Nowhere!!! they will be left with a person who is lifeless and colorless Nobody to hear me screaming Nobody to see me drowning This is affecting my inner soul but who is bothered?? noone!!! because now that i am married , i am their asset and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes Because "Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.

49

There is this thing which I don’t understand why is it so hard for people to communicate I am not able to live my life fully here I am confused all the time I don’t understand what I am doing I believe I shouldn’t have married at all This is not the life I wanted for myself or for my future kids Life is suffocating here I know my parents they will not understand what I am going through All these restrictions, I am not able to bear any of these in my life anymore. Life has become so stressful it isn’t easy here People question you a lot where are you going why you are going Don’t do this do this You shouldn’t do this Why you are wearing this My vibe doesn’t match with people here My thought process is entirely different it’s more liberal I am the wrong person they have settled on From morning to night nothing seems easy here. I want to live free keeping all the judgements aside I wish to achieve heights in life Talk to random people learn about their life their experiences Talk your heart out I don’t want to settle here Break free Live free Each day of my life here I am thinking to quit But I don’t have the courage and again I ll be alone I guess I don’t have option and quitting is not easy Let it be

0

Aug 6, 2021

Aug 6, 2021 at 9:48 AM UTC

Stuck

There is this thing which I don’t understand why is it so hard for people to communicate I am not able to live my life fully here I am confused all the time I don’t understand what I am doing I believe I shouldn’t have married at all This is not the life I wanted for myself or for my future kids Life is suffocating here I know my parents they will not understand what I am going through All these restrictions, I am not able to bear any of these in my life anymore. Life has become so stressful it isn’t easy here People question you a lot where are you going why you are going Don’t do this do this You shouldn’t do this Why you are wearing this My vibe doesn’t match with people here My thought process is entirely different it’s more liberal I am the wrong person they have settled on From morning to night nothing seems easy here. I want to live free keeping all the judgements aside I wish to achieve heights in life Talk to random people learn about their life their experiences Talk your heart out I don’t want to settle here Break free Live free Each day of my life here I am thinking to quit But I don’t have the courage and again I ll be alone I guess I don’t have option and quitting is not easy Let it be

27

So here I am again With the confused state of mind What I was thinking when I was making this decision for life Did I think it through Did I considered all the possibilities Looking it back I believe I could have done better I deserved better but as it is said it is the destiny that decides the way and you are just the carrier Maybe that’s true maybe that’s not But this is heavy The feeling to leave all that I am living right now The feeling to feel alone despite being surrounded by millions The feeling to constantly taken wrong The feeling to just change the one decision you took and life could have been better I didn’t think this through and I seriously didn’t There were numerous things happening around you that time and the decision wasn’t taken in a righteous state of mind And yes certainly it wasn’t When I see the relation constantly drifting apart and collapsing each day like a building collapsing after a heavy magnitude quake Can it be repaired? I wonder it can The words, you can not take back And words are all it takes To make or break. You want this to work? I don’t know You want this not to work? I don’t know But leaving is not easy You don’t what’s there in the future But isn’t life all about taking risk? Again, till when? When will I be stable then? When will I think bigger in life? Maybe now? No? Maybe tomorrow? Yes? Situations are in your hand It certainly is in your hands All you have to do is make peace with it and accept it. Babes you don’t have to prove anyone You know what you are And why can’t this be enough? But isn’t it unfair that the person sleeping next to you takes you as his biggest enemy? Can you do something about it? Sometimes I wonder why don’t I have a pill to pop up for that But yes this isn’t a disease that can be treated with a prescription. It’s a life Has to be treated with actions Or maybe life is the disease and actions are it’s medicine. Maybe yes. Maybe I should start it all over again. After hearing all this? Will you be able to?? Maybe I haven’t learned to give up this easily!! But isn’t 8 months to long for that? Maybe too short in comparison to the life time commitment you made. Maybe I should think Think and just think Change and let this sink in. Take one step at a time but take daily.

0

Aug 5, 2021

Aug 5, 2021 at 4:37 PM UTC

Commitment

So here I am again With the confused state of mind What I was thinking when I was making this decision for life Did I think it through Did I considered all the possibilities Looking it back I believe I could have done better I deserved better but as it is said it is the destiny that decides the way and you are just the carrier Maybe that’s true maybe that’s not But this is heavy The feeling to leave all that I am living right now The feeling to feel alone despite being surrounded by millions The feeling to constantly taken wrong The feeling to just change the one decision you took and life could have been better I didn’t think this through and I seriously didn’t There were numerous things happening around you that time and the decision wasn’t taken in a righteous state of mind And yes certainly it wasn’t When I see the relation constantly drifting apart and collapsing each day like a building collapsing after a heavy magnitude quake Can it be repaired? I wonder it can The words, you can not take back And words are all it takes To make or break. You want this to work? I don’t know You want this not to work? I don’t know But leaving is not easy You don’t what’s there in the future But isn’t life all about taking risk? Again, till when? When will I be stable then? When will I think bigger in life? Maybe now? No? Maybe tomorrow? Yes? Situations are in your hand It certainly is in your hands All you have to do is make peace with it and accept it. Babes you don’t have to prove anyone You know what you are And why can’t this be enough? But isn’t it unfair that the person sleeping next to you takes you as his biggest enemy? Can you do something about it? Sometimes I wonder why don’t I have a pill to pop up for that But yes this isn’t a disease that can be treated with a prescription. It’s a life Has to be treated with actions Or maybe life is the disease and actions are it’s medicine. Maybe yes. Maybe I should start it all over again. After hearing all this? Will you be able to?? Maybe I haven’t learned to give up this easily!! But isn’t 8 months to long for that? Maybe too short in comparison to the life time commitment you made. Maybe I should think Think and just think Change and let this sink in. Take one step at a time but take daily.

60

Insecure and afraid, when I stepped out of my home today- my safe place Maybe now I can understand how a baby feels when it comes out of the womb- its safe place I can recall how I felt when I got ready to face the world just after passing from my school-my safe place I am scared, paranoid, frightened & a little confused This is no where close to what any of us had imagined My life, just like yours , have been divided into two parts Pre corona and post corona The lockdown has almost been lifted and we all have come back to our "normal lives" But, here I am, thinking is it really normal ? How do we define the normal now? Will it no more be normal to Meet & hug my best friend anymore? Will it no more be normal to eat and gossip about everything & anything sitting in a sweet little cafe? Will it no more be normal to lend a helping hand to an old soul ? Will it no more be normal to visit the places that once used to be my safe place? Nothing's the same anymore Nothing's normal anymore Today was the first day I met people outside my safe place, my home And it's is not same anymore Everyone had a hint of fear behind their smiles,Human is afraid of human,Family members are afraid of each other And here I am sitting lost in the train of my thoughts Hoping for a time machine to take me back to old times. So that I can do every little thing in a different feel all together. So that I feel like a human again, feel like being myself again. In retrospect- I feel immensely blessed for all those little leisure times I had. Just give me back that life, once that used to be my real life The life that used to make me and everyone around me happy for no reason at all.

0

Jun 13, 2020

Jun 13, 2020 at 7:02 AM UTC

New beginnings

Insecure and afraid, when I stepped out of my home today- my safe place Maybe now I can understand how a baby feels when it comes out of the womb- its safe place I can recall how I felt when I got ready to face the world just after passing from my school-my safe place I am scared, paranoid, frightened & a little confused This is no where close to what any of us had imagined My life, just like yours , have been divided into two parts Pre corona and post corona The lockdown has almost been lifted and we all have come back to our "normal lives" But, here I am, thinking is it really normal ? How do we define the normal now? Will it no more be normal to Meet & hug my best friend anymore? Will it no more be normal to eat and gossip about everything & anything sitting in a sweet little cafe? Will it no more be normal to lend a helping hand to an old soul ? Will it no more be normal to visit the places that once used to be my safe place? Nothing's the same anymore Nothing's normal anymore Today was the first day I met people outside my safe place, my home And it's is not same anymore Everyone had a hint of fear behind their smiles,Human is afraid of human,Family members are afraid of each other And here I am sitting lost in the train of my thoughts Hoping for a time machine to take me back to old times. So that I can do every little thing in a different feel all together. So that I feel like a human again, feel like being myself again. In retrospect- I feel immensely blessed for all those little leisure times I had. Just give me back that life, once that used to be my real life The life that used to make me and everyone around me happy for no reason at all.

22

Yet another evening of lockdown , have never felt this peace in my entire life The world is at halt People are defining joy in different ways Finding of ways of partying in different way Indeed,the definition of fun is changing And in a way I feel blessed that am able to live life in all together a new way The life that used to be in books that I used to read about Here I am living it , Evenings are spent with music that soothes your soul Kitchen has never been so lively People here are spending more time cooking playing talking reading This feels so vintage So 90’s I feel blessed and new This is what actual vacations feels like This is what home feels like Now , I know what home is and how peace can be so satisfying to your mind and soul There is a lot that I feel but fail to put into words every time Like I want to pen down every emotion Capture this into million photographs, But as its rightly said Somethings are felt from heart Wish I could keep this feeling for forever !!

0

Jun 13, 2020

Jun 13, 2020 at 7:00 AM UTC

Lockdown tales

Yet another evening of lockdown , have never felt this peace in my entire life The world is at halt People are defining joy in different ways Finding of ways of partying in different way Indeed,the definition of fun is changing And in a way I feel blessed that am able to live life in all together a new way The life that used to be in books that I used to read about Here I am living it , Evenings are spent with music that soothes your soul Kitchen has never been so lively People here are spending more time cooking playing talking reading This feels so vintage So 90’s I feel blessed and new This is what actual vacations feels like This is what home feels like Now , I know what home is and how peace can be so satisfying to your mind and soul There is a lot that I feel but fail to put into words every time Like I want to pen down every emotion Capture this into million photographs, But as its rightly said Somethings are felt from heart Wish I could keep this feeling for forever !!

24