Sara99 - Hello Poetry

sometimes I lose sight of control, lose sight of direction and feel suspended in abyss. I'm in limbo but on my couch, on the carpet, writing, reading, scrolling, listening, but lost. under bridges I'm walking on paper floorboards, falling into darkness of a thousand words clogging my ears, eyes, I'm stimulated to a ****** of broken lungs, stunted dreams and desperate

0

Jul 19, 2020

Jul 19, 2020 at 6:21 PM UTC

If I put myself out there too much you’ll see how disgusting I am

sometimes I lose sight of control, lose sight of direction and feel suspended in abyss. I'm in limbo but on my couch, on the carpet, writing, reading, scrolling, listening, but lost. under bridges I'm walking on paper floorboards, falling into darkness of a thousand words clogging my ears, eyes, I'm stimulated to a ****** of broken lungs, stunted dreams and desperate

7

Another evening where the hatred I feel for myself burns so hot my oesophagus hurts Where did my mind go, when did I stop listening to my thoughts I used to be romantic, wholesomely confident in my delicate existence Now I’m terrified of it That unless I grip tightly, I’ll evaporate from everyone’s lives whom I love

0

Jun 27, 2020

Jun 27, 2020 at 5:54 AM UTC

I've aged

Another evening where the hatred I feel for myself burns so hot my oesophagus hurts Where did my mind go, when did I stop listening to my thoughts I used to be romantic, wholesomely confident in my delicate existence Now I’m terrified of it That unless I grip tightly, I’ll evaporate from everyone’s lives whom I love

5

My stomach is tingling, Appetite or illness? Telepathic touch It surfaces, before I notice myself asking. In form and instinct he knows me, But in origin, our intuition’s slacked. I haven’t exposed my truths, What I might’ve thrown out, could’ve mislead. Agony nudges gently; You aren’t worthy of love she says *You’re repulsive. You’re sinful. You’re ***** and inedible People try to help you but you don’t want to be helped.* Her tone is generous, attentive, loyal. With these words I perish; “Stop you’re melting me, aw God” He kisses me and swoons onto my chest, smearing my body on the sheets. The juncture of my withdrawal alights. My blinkered eyes trudge the familiar trail, but then fixate, -a penetrable route disguised. take the tired track or trod the untrodden? Perplexed in ponder I whisper in trance Quiescent terrain ...quiescent terrain? He’s snores as I lift my head from his belly "...an amaurotic trial". Squeeze. The soiled sack flattens against the lip of his favourite mug, Adorned; those pungent, final drops. The frisk evening air lifts my limbs and I wave as I always do. Thanks for everything, as he always does, Get home safe, as I always do. Lingering or loitering, I brace for his lips to flourish as his leg hooks the infamous green frame. "I’ve been admiring your bike, I keep seeing it around" Such sweet beginnings, Such oblivion to an end. He nods. Farewell, and may we meet again in happier times? Perhaps. I step inside, Retreating to what is known; a path that has been walked before.

0

May 11, 2020

May 11, 2020 at 1:04 PM UTC

ignorance is ignorance;

My stomach is tingling, Appetite or illness? Telepathic touch It surfaces, before I notice myself asking. In form and instinct he knows me, But in origin, our intuition’s slacked. I haven’t exposed my truths, What I might’ve thrown out, could’ve mislead. Agony nudges gently; You aren’t worthy of love she says *You’re repulsive. You’re sinful. You’re ***** and inedible People try to help you but you don’t want to be helped.* Her tone is generous, attentive, loyal. With these words I perish; “Stop you’re melting me, aw God” He kisses me and swoons onto my chest, smearing my body on the sheets. The juncture of my withdrawal alights. My blinkered eyes trudge the familiar trail, but then fixate, -a penetrable route disguised. take the tired track or trod the untrodden? Perplexed in ponder I whisper in trance Quiescent terrain ...quiescent terrain? He’s snores as I lift my head from his belly "...an amaurotic trial". Squeeze. The soiled sack flattens against the lip of his favourite mug, Adorned; those pungent, final drops. The frisk evening air lifts my limbs and I wave as I always do. Thanks for everything, as he always does, Get home safe, as I always do. Lingering or loitering, I brace for his lips to flourish as his leg hooks the infamous green frame. "I’ve been admiring your bike, I keep seeing it around" Such sweet beginnings, Such oblivion to an end. He nods. Farewell, and may we meet again in happier times? Perhaps. I step inside, Retreating to what is known; a path that has been walked before.

42

I am continuously getting overwhelmed. If I stop and look, break down to myself the key factors of my life right now I calm down after a sometimes uncomfortable, emotional ****** What is this? Is it double faced as a good progressive thing that if I otherwise ignored would simmer beneath the surface and come out in explosions

0

Oct 6, 2019

Oct 6, 2019 at 3:27 PM UTC

panic attacks in a crowd

I am continuously getting overwhelmed. If I stop and look, break down to myself the key factors of my life right now I calm down after a sometimes uncomfortable, emotional ****** What is this? Is it double faced as a good progressive thing that if I otherwise ignored would simmer beneath the surface and come out in explosions

4

I’m useless, when I have no feelings of romantic attraction I’m safe and my best self. But once my heart feels a beat, I’m a loser to myself and I lose my charm The charm which compels me to be free I don’t like me, so why should they? I project the exact opposite of what I know is good, in order to perhaps cast away. Do I not want myself to be happy? Is that too much of an emotion to behold? I try relax and connect with myself again but it’s this effort of trying that initiates the polar opposite I’m sexually aroused by people who mistreat me -or in further actuality- who I make uncomfortable, self conscious and ultimately- encourage hate. I need to feel hatred to arouse my love People who are good, and good with my good, who allow themselves to be transfixed and emotionally, loosely captivated, maybe terrify me. I freak, I freak out but in a different way that doesn’t make me act on my ****** senses Instead I turn to self-depreciation

0

Aug 18, 2019

Aug 18, 2019 at 9:32 AM UTC

Touch one stone to hop on to the other

I’m useless, when I have no feelings of romantic attraction I’m safe and my best self. But once my heart feels a beat, I’m a loser to myself and I lose my charm The charm which compels me to be free I don’t like me, so why should they? I project the exact opposite of what I know is good, in order to perhaps cast away. Do I not want myself to be happy? Is that too much of an emotion to behold? I try relax and connect with myself again but it’s this effort of trying that initiates the polar opposite I’m sexually aroused by people who mistreat me -or in further actuality- who I make uncomfortable, self conscious and ultimately- encourage hate. I need to feel hatred to arouse my love People who are good, and good with my good, who allow themselves to be transfixed and emotionally, loosely captivated, maybe terrify me. I freak, I freak out but in a different way that doesn’t make me act on my ****** senses Instead I turn to self-depreciation

13

When you kissed me, I lied. I let you kiss me because I wanted someone to love me. I was selfish, I wanted to soothe my craving for attention, soft and kind love. It’s because you’re warm and safe, I still do get the urge to trust you with love. In fact you’re handsome while so insecure. But I shouldn’t have kissed you, because I knew I didn’t want you but your aroma. I chewed it and played with it to spare your feelings and to ebb my shame but believe me, I’m happy to have made your acquaintance on that awful day that appeared on paper as perfect. On the day when the last one I loved, introduced me to you

0

Jul 2, 2019

Jul 2, 2019 at 2:08 PM UTC

I give love to the lovers,

When you kissed me, I lied. I let you kiss me because I wanted someone to love me. I was selfish, I wanted to soothe my craving for attention, soft and kind love. It’s because you’re warm and safe, I still do get the urge to trust you with love. In fact you’re handsome while so insecure. But I shouldn’t have kissed you, because I knew I didn’t want you but your aroma. I chewed it and played with it to spare your feelings and to ebb my shame but believe me, I’m happy to have made your acquaintance on that awful day that appeared on paper as perfect. On the day when the last one I loved, introduced me to you

9

And another one bites the dust, I couldn’t stay prominent for someone yet again He made me laugh And gave me a feeling of life and purpose to a fault Once he dropped back from my heavy affection, He drifted and wanted to see me less I started to reconcile with panic and shook when his name notified my screen My ***** emotions were exposed and thought they’d been rejected But post trauma stirring beneath it’s surface, was the weight inflicting me. Enough distance and a cut of all ties, was what it took to see he didn’t mean anything; to me

0

May 5, 2019

May 5, 2019 at 8:48 AM UTC

Vessel

And another one bites the dust, I couldn’t stay prominent for someone yet again He made me laugh And gave me a feeling of life and purpose to a fault Once he dropped back from my heavy affection, He drifted and wanted to see me less I started to reconcile with panic and shook when his name notified my screen My ***** emotions were exposed and thought they’d been rejected But post trauma stirring beneath it’s surface, was the weight inflicting me. Enough distance and a cut of all ties, was what it took to see he didn’t mean anything; to me

14

I lose myself sometimes I can go with being functional and free My tongue un looping looped words and thoughts Slowly Softly Then out of the blue blue blue I get a feeling of distress I’m detached and disgraced Ashamed of everything I’ve told I shouldn’t have been so liberal I shouldn’t have been so keen To speak my mind and share my love To anyone that came to me I love and I lose I fall into debris and crumble to the force of one’s hand But on my good day Oh my love on my good day I will love you I will poise strong, your brace and keep you standing But those days aren’t forever And I wither But wait with me and I will show you the meaning Of passion itself derived from my entire self Love will wait Love is for us all

0

Dec 2, 2018

Dec 2, 2018 at 12:12 PM UTC

The psychedelic

I lose myself sometimes I can go with being functional and free My tongue un looping looped words and thoughts Slowly Softly Then out of the blue blue blue I get a feeling of distress I’m detached and disgraced Ashamed of everything I’ve told I shouldn’t have been so liberal I shouldn’t have been so keen To speak my mind and share my love To anyone that came to me I love and I lose I fall into debris and crumble to the force of one’s hand But on my good day Oh my love on my good day I will love you I will poise strong, your brace and keep you standing But those days aren’t forever And I wither But wait with me and I will show you the meaning Of passion itself derived from my entire self Love will wait Love is for us all

23

Hugged warm I can feel your fingers I know you are there I walk, accompanied Your warm rocks, Holding me down while my hair floats Unraveled I’m at peace At one with you My creator, the universe I choose love, not hate Courage over fear Real skin real bones I’m here

0

Sep 8, 2018

Sep 8, 2018 at 7:57 PM UTC

self settled

Hugged warm I can feel your fingers I know you are there I walk, accompanied Your warm rocks, Holding me down while my hair floats Unraveled I’m at peace At one with you My creator, the universe I choose love, not hate Courage over fear Real skin real bones I’m here

13

Mac Miller died yesterday That’s the third artist to die under the age of 27 in the last 12 months. What good is learning the ways of the world if you’re going to die at any minute? Each artist had a way about them. They all spoke something of intellectual awareness. It worries me that these people who reached a level of artistic and human understanding, Destinations that I aspire to reach, **** themselves by indulgence of drugs. Why do we still indulge in drugs when we’ve reached a point regarded as a peak?

0

Sep 7, 2018

Sep 7, 2018 at 7:21 PM UTC

Is it possible to understand just enough to be happy

Mac Miller died yesterday That’s the third artist to die under the age of 27 in the last 12 months. What good is learning the ways of the world if you’re going to die at any minute? Each artist had a way about them. They all spoke something of intellectual awareness. It worries me that these people who reached a level of artistic and human understanding, Destinations that I aspire to reach, **** themselves by indulgence of drugs. Why do we still indulge in drugs when we’ve reached a point regarded as a peak?

9