I can never be a great writer
Not to everyone
But to me
I am good enough
They are my words
My thoughts
They can never be anyone else's
My poems are mine to consume
And if I share them with the world
The consequence is that they may not be loved
And that's okay
Because they are not meant for the world
They are meant for me
To assemble my buzzing mind
Aug 11, 2019
Aug 11, 2019 at 5:07 AM UTC
I am just so sad
So so sad
It feels so heavy inside my chest
It feels like a fight I cannot win
Over and over again
It just wont let me go
When will it let me go
Give me a break
Let me breathe
I am too tired to tell it to stop
Stop whispering in my ear
Stop telling me what I did wrong
What I'm going to do wrong
It is drowning out everything that is good
It is telling me to be selfish
To leave
I wont
But I get tired of fighting at times
And tonight, I cannot put my shield up
I am too sad
Feb 24, 2019
Feb 24, 2019 at 10:21 AM UTC
I thought it was you
When my phone buzzed
And the notification popped up
I thought it would be you
I always think it's you
I always hope
But it never is
And I'm left here to wonder
Why I wait for it anyway
When I know it will never be you
Feb 17, 2019
Feb 17, 2019 at 7:38 AM UTC
You drop phone calls first
Because you're too used to being on the other side of it
Hearing the line die
Without knowing if your phone will ring again
You leave people on read
Because if you continue talking to them
You might start liking them
And that's halfway to getting your heart broken again
You lash out
So you don't have to tell them why you're so sad all the time
You tell yourself, "they won't remember anyway"
But they do, you just can't handle someone caring for you
Because you might start caring too
You don't go on dates
Because if you get to know them
They'll get to know you
And knowing you is hard when you don't even know yourself
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 9:02 AM UTC
Break your own bones to look the part
Your words are poison to your own soul
Lies are tied loose at the end
So you can untangle them all over again
Manipulate those with strings
Put ones on those who disobey the queen
A sly little devil sat with a crown
A makeshift castle made with a frown
Throne made of eggshells painted in gold
The stench of her pride plague the halls
Oh how daring you are, a threat with no promise
Your sword and men may break on a moments notice
Deny you may of the weight of your weakness
We see the cracks, the glass breaking beneath it
So, for now, I bow to the ruler of all
Who'll fall on her own sword with no one to call
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 7:00 AM UTC
I just want to cry
I can't seem to do that lately
My mess is all bottled up inside
But the cork is ******* on tightly
Tears don't come as fast it should
What an unnerving feeling
My emotions has betrayed me
Has drained me
I am feeling nothing and everything at once
It makes the room spin slightly
A hole where the loudness started
Has grown bigger each day
Sneaking its way into my dreams
To torment me awake
I lay in silence til dawn breaks
I do not feel safe
Sleep, old friend
Come as soon as you can
Nov 11, 2018
Nov 11, 2018 at 1:54 PM UTC
Do you remember me the way I do?
Of course you don't
It's interesting to see, though
You miss me,
But how?
Who was I with you?
Was I delicate and not fragile?
Was I missing pieces and not broken?
Your perspective of me is clouded by rose colored clouds
Am I a one way ticket to what you thought we were?
Sugar coated sweet nothings
Stained my lips in the past
I was consumed with doubts
That you fed not tamed
We covered each others bruises with flowers,
Hoping it will make them beautiful
But flowers are not forever
And so I saw them wither
I don't know who you miss,
But I do not think it is me
Nov 11, 2018
Nov 11, 2018 at 11:55 AM UTC
She confuses me a lot
She is different now
A winding unstoppable force
And I hate it
I am unable to hold her
To understand what she has become
She is so far away from me
Stepped miles towards somewhere I cannot follow
I do not know her anymore
Who is she to me?
What do I owe her?
She has lost the right to call me anything
She acts as an acquaintance
I just want her back
The way I remember her
When she used to care
To inspire
To be there
When she was still known by my soul
I am deeply torn by her
And she doesn't even know
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 8:45 AM UTC
Where is the beauty in death?
I ask,
A figure of light answers
"I have never looked beautiful in your mind,"
"When a cloud of darkness consumes you, you see me as a gruesome way out."
I have never imagined you as something graceful, I answer
"I have only been ugly because you want me too quickly."
I shiver at my truth,
It echoes in the depths of my soul,
I did not reply
"I am complicated and painful, but never when one is ready. Never when their clock has stopped ticking on its own."
Why has mine continued,
Why has it felt as if the world cursed me with time?
"I am afraid you'd have to ask life that, you have not given him a lot of attention lately."
I am in between,
I feel stuck,
When will you come for me?
"I will hold you gently when the time comes, I promise you it is not today nor tomorrow."
What if I invite you graciously?
"Do not wish for me, I am not a wonderful savior."
But what do I do with this agony? The agony of living?
"You continue on like the rest, you will be able to, I have seen your clock, it is a strong and lasting one."
Oct 26, 2018
Oct 26, 2018 at 10:20 AM UTC
apparently only two
a stronger soul would say it's few
a weak one like me, will start to see
all the things I've come to be
every sip becomes quicker
every gulp getting a little bit bigger
a smile forming in my face
happiness is absent, though a giggle escapes
a distraction to say the least
a sudden darkness starts to creep
what I thought was a solution
starts to invade
stream of memories
unprovikingly plays
I start to numb
my heart beat drums
as I take one glass more
to keep them at bay
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018 at 10:23 AM UTC