it's not always about the way you look,
because looks don't always read like a book.
you didn't see me with the glance that you took,
because i cannot be an open book.
i'm sorry if you want to know more,
but trust me you'd have to be sure,
because in my mind you will find,
the most frightening things my life can bring,
haunting me night and day,
never able to get away,
because i am fighting a civil war.
in my brain.
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 8:26 PM UTC
Mum, there's one thing i don't want you to hear,
it's that food doesn't make me grin from ear to ear,
it makes me terrified of the voice inside,
wanna crawl into my bed and hide,
and cry and cry about my outside,
until there's silence from the voice inside.
But it's never silence,
just a pause,
'til it grabs me again with it's awful claws,
scratches me and makes me bleed,
bruises me until i plead,
and remind myself that i agreed,
pain until I'm skinny, please.
I'm fat i know, i don't need to be told,
I'm tall and only 16 years old,
I'm a child yes, but you never scold,
because a good girl you did mold,
i used to get good grades and study hard,
now all i am is a bunch of lard,
i still study hard but i am scarred,
by the voice that tells me,
i'll never reach that bar.
I try and try but don't succeed,
i wish i could follow my brother's lead,
all the way to university,
getting himself a good degree,
a 50,000+ salary,
but the closest i'll get to that salary,
is a salad.
so i'll sit here munching rabbit food,
while you're thinking that i'm being rude,
for not sitting at the table with you,
while you EAT you're normal human food.
Why is EAT such a hard word to say?
it's three simple letters, just E, T and A,
combined and jumbled in three different ways,
EAT, tea and ATE are the things you can say,
but the latter word causes dismay,
sending my mind into disarray,
ana is here, she's here to stay,
reminding me there's no other way,
i must put down the food,
say i'm not hungry today,
go a little longer,
fast just one more day.
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 6:01 AM UTC
i told you my secrets
you told me you cared
you pulled me in closer
when i said i was scared
but now im scarred
you moved on so quickly
expect me to stay there
you’re right in that thinking
because i still care
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 12:46 PM UTC
I was pure,
I was innocent,
I was a child.
I saw only goodness in the world and only goodness in you.
You tried to strip that view away from me by taking something that was fundamentally mine.
Mine to give,
willingly,
not to be taken by the force of overwhelming strength.
You watched my pain and enjoyed it.
I will never know exactly who you are.
I was short, you were tall.
It hurt but I didn’t look.
I closed my eyes and tried to force my mind to leave my body.
My body was trapped but at the time my mind was free.
Now, my mind is forever contaminated by the blurred memory of the cause of my permanent flaws.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 7:14 PM UTC
A dash of hope can change the world
A sprinkling of kindness can lift broken spirits
A pint of compassion can bring waves of happiness
A pinch of love can re-ignite a life
But none of this is possible without a spoonful of optimism
Jun 3, 2018
Jun 3, 2018 at 8:23 PM UTC
I have a tsunami of tears behind my eyes
But only one slides down my cheek
Warm and salty
Like the dead sea
The dead sea
What a name
That so aptly represents
my tear
That singular soul
Crosses it’s world alone
Fighting through makeup
To hide my imperfections
I empathise with
my tear
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 11:35 AM UTC
Their mind is free
The music flows
Their heart is happy.
And then they fall
A little hurt
But they dance again.
Cautiously now
Move step by step
Their mind works harder
Never to want
To fall again
Their mind is blurring.
Full of worry
Too much to think
To enjoy the dance.
Where is the joy
They love so much?
They have stopped dancing.
May 25, 2018
May 25, 2018 at 1:45 PM UTC
Isn’t it funny
How poets dramatise everything
“An ocean of depression”
“A death grip of love”
We just can’t help ourselves
It’s who we are
It’s part of being a poet
Over analysing life
Deeply contemplating death
“What is the meaning of life?”
Everything is philosophical
There’s always a lesson to learn
An issue to address
A heartache to confess
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 4:09 PM UTC
I’m not ok
I’m far from ok
I’ve been this way
For more than 1 day
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 2:12 PM UTC
Treading water on the deep dark
It’s cold but the sun is on your face
If you look down you'll go down
Now a loved one is there too
They have hold you to stay afloat
It’s harder to stay above the dark
You’re fighting to still feel the sun
Now another, and one more
You’re weighed down, with love
Fighting, for every breath
Desperate, for help, anyone
There’s no sun, left, on your face
Sinking, cold, dark, lost, endless.
May 3, 2018
May 3, 2018 at 6:40 PM UTC