I have an addictive personality
In one way and more
I’m an addict for sure, not for ****** or crack not something easy like that
No I’m an addict for love
And yes I know every addict right now is grinding there teeth wishing to tear me a new one
***** uttered through gritted teeth
And that’s fair I’d say, I’m sure it ***** I’ve never been addicted much
just *** smokes, alcohol and such
I don’t know, not really how hard it is but what I can say is this
I wish I was an addict to something that would actually **** me
See an addict they need it always and can’t get enough
Fill their veins till they see heaven with that stuff
But the love I crave you see
it never brings me ecstasy
just half hearted hope that one day I’ll see
someone won’t tear up and spit out what’s left of me
It’s not a high I can control and it leaves me wanting something awful
It takes away my breathe but forgets to give it back
I’m so use to walking around gasping living through a pain that’s worse than a heart attack
**** if I could be an addict I think maybe, yes I would
****** would be a friend that would never leave me like he could
Hell if somethings going to run like acid through my veins
eating ravaging through my brain
taking away anything sane
Than Jesus ******* Christ let it be something that actually kills me not takes me dancing in the rain, breaks my heart and looks at me like I’m the one to blame
Let it be something I can claim
Cause this love **** is exhausting and I’m tired of the pain
Give me one giant shot of bliss and let me leave this plain
Because the next time I can get a hit
I know it’s going to feel like ****
But my hearts an addict, it won’t quit
I’ll give all that’s left to be their perfect fit
Apr 21
Apr 21, 2026 at 7:12 PM UTC
I could see myself with you, happy and free
I could see myself with you caged heart, nothing but debris
I could be a dream for you, picture perfect everything you need I’ll be
I could be myself with you but I’m afraid of what you’ll see
I could fall for you but not softly, no that’s not me
I could ignore the logic and be lead astray get lost in those deep brown eyes and stay
But the guttural scream howling from within
serves such a perfect reminder of all the happy ever afters that could have, should have but never would have been
I want to drown in your scent let the perfect waves of the curve of your smile crash over me drag me from shore and pull me to the undertow of your love
I want to drown in your essence become so ingrained with it that it would break without my presence
I want to want to just let go
Trip up again let love like a river from me to you flow
In all it’s glory it’s highs it’s lows
I’d fill his soul until he knows
Nothing but my sweet embrace and I nothing but him gently cupping my face
Oh how sweet the song of that perfect shape
Another pothole I’m not sure I can escape
Mar 31
Mar 31, 2026 at 3:33 AM UTC
One of those days
Heavy deep sighs
Tears behind tired eyes
Purposeless lies
It’s alright and I’m fine
Tiptoeing that line
Empty pit
Losing it
Despair takes hold
Whilst I unfold
To broken to hold
Many pieces
No releases
Take me away
I don’t want to do this another day!
Apr 14, 2024
Apr 14, 2024 at 11:34 PM UTC
I want to be honest with someone
I want to show someone the closet full of bones, my attic of grief..
I want to want someone to care for these wounds
To understand the pain inflicted by them
I want someone to want to know my truth
To gingerly peel back the dressings covering these open gashes
To kiss my broken parts and accept them as they are
To hold me whilst they heal
But every time these bandages are pulled back
When they are raw and sore
I’m under attack
Like pressure points to bend me to there will
Forever a weakness
Forever a reminder that no one will ever love the broken
That raw is vulnerable
So I use the knives that stabbed me and I build an armour
Apr 14, 2024
Apr 14, 2024 at 11:33 PM UTC
I’m so tired of being me
Tired of feeling to much, too much love, too much hate, too much of my own body
When the tears you cry itch and burn and every emotion you feel makes your stomach churn
Tired …
Tired of caring to much, it’s exhausting
When social interactions cost all your rations and a hug can trigger enough to lead to regrettable actions
When crumbs on the floor stick, make you sick feeling engulfed in waves of unease it’s unappealing
To be me…
To be me and hate every inch of your being
To be me and live with all my neurosis
To itch and scratch In your brain and in your veins the unreachable unteachable tendrils that sliver
To be me is to be tired
To be tired is to be
Human.
Apr 14, 2024
Apr 14, 2024 at 11:31 PM UTC
A poem has rules and structure, a rhyme has to be well thought out and neat.
My words much like our love lack these qualities right now… like our love they are raw without rhyme or reason, not well thought out and by all means an absolute mess… and I think it’s beautiful, the way my brain turns to goo when I think of you. The way my heart forgets to keep its walls up when you hold me. The way when I see your smile I can’t understand the funny bursting feeling in my chest. I can’t explain how the curve of your smile against mine feels like two wholes becoming one. I can’t explain why two weeks ago I could have lived without you in my life and how the idea that I did baffles and hurts my heart. My words, like our love are full of boundless opportunities that could go on forever and climb to the greatest heights, if only my heart could speak clearly… I can’t explain what it feels like to walk alone cold scared constantly slipping looking for shelter in all the wrong places and the relief I found the night I fell into your warm embrace, I can’t explain why you smell like home, feel like safety and kiss like passions personification….
I mean maybe I can, maybe I have some words but do they make much sense coming from this love drunk fool?
Oct 5, 2023
Oct 5, 2023 at 3:24 AM UTC
Wolf
Hot cold
Laughing loving leaving
Only here for moments
Precious
Yet never to be mine
Aug 31, 2023
Aug 31, 2023 at 9:58 AM UTC
I see kind eyes tracing my body
I hear my heart flutter when he nears
I taste his lips against my smile
I smell his scent on my sheets
And
I feel… oh too much...
Aug 31, 2023
Aug 31, 2023 at 9:50 AM UTC
See I wanted to check in with a smile or a grin
Show you some scale of grandeur or win
But when your smiles wafer thin and you can see them looking in
Head hung low and you can't meet there eyes, raise your chin ....
See I wanted to ask
Are you okay?
How is your day?
But love is a currency I am to broke to pay
Just one more hurdle I've got to get through and I'll get back to you
Over this one under that one two steps forward one step back, hey look another panic attack...
A sign of reprieve puts my mind at ease
Of course but a tease
One breath and I'm back
Grief stricken heart attack
See I wanted to smile
Run for a mile
Or just sit and enjoy for awhile
With you and me
Good company
So once again I'll plea
no more hurdles please let me be
I have friends, a family to raise and people who need me...
Alas to no avail
The next trauma makes the last seem pale
And when I go to stand this time I know I may fail
See what I wanted was never on the cards
Life is one big hardship
Not some tale of fantasy sung by thy bard
So ignore my silence for words right now are just to hard...
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 8:08 PM UTC
It stopped being that I couldn’t hold you and became that you couldn’t hold me at 2
When at 4 am my tears ran dry
Failure, guilty screaming in my head
and I looked up to the sky tears in my eyes
Beg god to head my cries
Take me instead
It stopped being that I couldn’t see you
smile and play in the sun
And became that you never drew one breathe into your lungs at 3
When the morning sun shone
And I remembered you where gone
Why couldn’t it be me
At four your sister crawled the floor
And I couldn’t have asked for more
Except I could have...
at five if you could pay for a life in tears you would be alive
At six it was a weird mix..
Bitter sweet as I finally laid eyes on you again a picture with a tinge of blue
I was to late to fix...
At seven...
Please take me to heaven
My hearts to sore to do this anymore.
Sep 11, 2020
Sep 11, 2020 at 10:45 AM UTC