You lured me in , I fell for your lies
I fell for your lust-filled words & you looked into my eyes .
You brought my past back , you said you wouldn’t ; I told you I loved you & your reply was you couldn’t .
I gave you everything I had left & all you did was threw it away , I have nothing left but this dulling gaze ; this slow beating heart that’s ready to give way .
I felt it was too perfect , too good to be true , I was way to happy when I was with you . I’m not made to be happy , only to feel pain but I’m the one to blame .
I should have sticked to my promise never to fall again but who was I not to let someone like you in .
Now it’s final I’m no longer whole , just a hollow body with a corrupted soul .
A corrupted soul with a cold heart attached , a bleeding wrist & alcohol on my left . I’m done for good no more soul searching for me ; Cursed souls like ours aren’t meant to be happy .
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 11:19 AM UTC
The journey is almost over ,
The pain has almost surfaced
The voices are leading me in one direction & it’s almost the end.
I’m no longer scared to go ,
I just wanna let go
Be free from all of this
The thoughts memories & bad habits ; the hurting , the lies , the pain & tears running down my eyes .
Don’t talk about how I was young with potential , don’t say I shouldn’t have done it ; remember I didn’t take your help but was always influential .
Helped everyone but myself ,
Overdosed with no help
Cried all alone & always felt numb .
Numb to the world, numb to life
Numb to the good and bad
The happy & sad , the triumphs & fails but your prays won’t prevail .
The journeys almost up & the sand is almost at the last grain . Just know it’ll be done in silence during my favourite weather .... the rain .
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC
Is this death ..
Is this what it feels like...
To be dead inside .
This feeling is deeper than any I’ve felt before , I’m so far in , lost my way from I stepped through that door .
The pills , alcohol, drugs & my mind have all taken over ; I no longer have control & wished I was sober . I’m endlessly falling , doubt I can be saved as the music plays I stare up at the stars in a gaze .
The tears were flowing like a river but dried up after , feels like I’m crying but it doesn’t matter .
What’s worst is the voices are quiet & I can feel them just watching , stalking me as I fall , laughing as I call for help .
This feeling is deeper than any other , number than anything I’ve felt . I don’t know what to do or say or even how it should be dealt .
If this is death then I’ve died over & over ; I can’t even feel my heart beat or my mom rubbing my shoulder .
Now times frozen & everything’s quiet but in my mind is a raging riot , in my mind a battle between life or death . If you feel this way then you’d know how much of life’s wreck I am .
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 11:16 AM UTC
It’s not bad that I wanna die
It’s not bad that I wanna let go ;
It’s not a phase that I’m going through
Just tired of life on the whole.
Just tired of being drained ,
Tired of not sleeping
I’m mostly tired of my wounds deepening .
Let me be , let me be free & remember me or not but I couldn’t take it anymore ,
The recent nights of screaming & crying on my floor
But hey I wouldn’t be hated anymore , hurting at all & the voices would leave me alone
I may finally get some peace .
Funny thing is I’ve escaped death so many & when the time comes hope it doesn’t hurt plenty
Hope it’s quick & before you know it ...
It’ll be like now I don’t exist .
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 1:08 PM UTC
It’s 4:30am & the mornings rolling in , voices are getting louder & my hearts worsening .
My soul freezing over & hope no longer existing , but I have one wish it’s to be ended quick ;
I have one wish it’s to be happy & free
I had one wish I thought it was you + me .
I hoped these wishes would all come through but all I’ve gotten is a disappointing feud.
All I’ve gotten was hate but never regret , it just shows I tried while you played forget .
It’s 5am ; how much more can I take , how long until the voices make me quake .
How long before I give up & they take over , if this comes through I’d never be sober
I’d be filled with scars , id be worst than I am now , id no longer have a heart .
It’s 5:45 am , I’ve got a noose for a necklace , the voices wanna play hangman & leave no connections .
The games beginning now I’ve got to go , I’m about to be famous for letting go.....
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 1:07 PM UTC
It’s odd...
I find that we’re so close but I’m still alone, you guys talk to me & calm me
Ease me but don’t you see my demons feed on the happiness anyone brings to me .
I can’t be saved , more damage is to be done
I’m hid & fought ; tried to run & forgot
You can’t outrun yourself .
I’m not great or perfect but I’ve always gave my best ;
Others just look & see ; sometimes questions “how broken can you be?”
“What’s going on in his head ?” I’ll give a hint rather an answer , a few words to put it all to bed..
If I go any deeper to the darkness I’d rather just be dead .
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 1:06 PM UTC
The sadness slowly tears me him apart,
It drives him insane , it shatters his heart.
He just wants so to forget his past,
but he cannot forget so forever it lasts.
He wishes so badly that the memories would end,
and that he had chosen much better friends.
He wishes so badly for a better family even with love in the air
life never seems fair.
Some day hope and happiness will follow , some day this
regret-less sorrow will sleep.
One day it'll be just okay so that he'll wake up and say today is the day the happiness & a care free pain will go away.
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 12:44 PM UTC
What you feel ?
It hurts so badly when
You come to know that
They can hear you
But never understand .
Sleepless nights eat me alive
As all i want is rest
Doubt is a pain to lonely
To know that this pain
Is heavy on my chest.
I've hidden so much
Only given pieces of my life
But you can never see the pain
Until you've stared into
These stones eyes.
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 12:30 PM UTC
Falling so deep in thoughts , as I drown in this ocean of pain & streams of sorrows ; thinking of the horrors which await me at the end.
Suffocating but not from water ; the depression which holds me down & puts me down to a coma where I sleep only seeing flashes & shadows of pain & hurt .
Something about this pain is new it cuts deeper & enters sleeker than the blade he used before. Also the screams are getting louder & walls are closing in ; he honestly can't win .
Overcoming every battle which came before but this one is unbeatable; don't waste tears on him as he faces his fears trying once more but gives up in the end .
Hating will be factor , pain will be a virtue , crying becomes a hobby & loneliness his home view .
In short order he'll fall & begin to question why again ; then the silence begins killing him softer than the words lied "I love you " which came to his ears over & over again .
~Chilled
Sep 16, 2017
Sep 16, 2017 at 11:38 PM UTC
No one will truly understand
Understand the real me .
As I stand looking in the mirror
At this broken figure
Water flowing out the eyes & as Depression flees from the scene .
Laying down looking at marks on this washed up soul next to me & thinking screaming someone help
Oh help me from this pain as my life is in jeopardy , just watching this 3 inch razor come closer to then rescue me from this shattered pain .
Oh this life I live I'm sick & tired of it criticism , lies , heartbreak .. just why?
Family friends all against me what did I do ? Did I not love all of you equally as I once loved myself ... but it's too late to save a whole state from my ruptured soul I call my depression state..
~chilled
Sep 8, 2017
Sep 8, 2017 at 3:01 PM UTC