Please just tell me
One more time
Breath, just breath
B-R-E-A-T-H- BREATH
No, not so fast!
So I breathe in slow but instead of breathing in
the light
and breathing out the anxiety
I breath in more anxiety the anxiety of breathing in and only getting more anxiety gives me anxiety
so I hold it
I hold my breath until every sound every figure dulls and blurs and fades with me
Til my heart-rate slows until my body aches for air, it cries for air but my cry for peace is much greater and even at the greatest sense of alarm my will to quell the never ending buzzing in my heart shuts the creature down and gives into the mind
The second hand becomes is millisecond hand the world fades... the buzzing stops.
But **** I gotta breath. I breath in a swarm of bees- a hive in my chest every second aches me and every modern inconvenience a sting to chest.
So maybe, just maybe, the whole "breathing thing" doesn't help
Puh-lease just tell me one more time
one MORE time
that it's all in my mind,
all in my head, all in MY control, tell me tell me TELL me.
I cannot wait, for me, CEO, Commander-in-chief, owner and operator of this broken terrestrial vehicle, this flimsy floppy bipedal flesh sack that some tainted white-light was poured into by some divine comedy to call the man in charge that oh-so-happy-hoppy dopamine and ORDER him
to GET ******* pouring and while you're at it go and fire Cpt. Cortisol he can't tell the cunting difference between a fire and a ****
Please send me more motivational quotes so I can "Go get 'em" and remember that "every failure is just a learning experience" and to **** the haters"
but how do I **** myself?
**** myself... maybe that will bring me down... give me 20 minutes OH WHO AM I KIDDING give me 30 seconds
I mean, really anything to soothe the bees
Why don't you go ahead... go ahead, advise me on what to do
Tell me about how sometimes you have bad days-
tell me it's hard for you to go from work to yoga to the gym to your friends house then home with only a hour left and still decide to make lunch for the next day (to maintain that ideal diet) about the difficulty you face in getting up from the couch from that point of utter exhaustion that desire to sit still and consume bright lights until your night light becomes day lights... but you got up anyway!
INSIPIRATIONAL!
All the while I cried in bed.
Why? Who ******* knows. Wait, wait, wait... you're telling me sometimes sheer existence isn't enough to destroy you? You're telling me you can draw a straight line from event to emotion every time? You're telling me you don't lie to your coworkers about what you're doing for lunch so that you can go to your car and drive to the NEXT parking lot over only to be alone in the uncomfortable quiet of your car where you can just sit and scroll and scroll and scroll where nothing can distract you from distracting yourself?
oh.
Well, this is awkward.
OH! OHHHH! Run! Drink water! OPEN AIR!?
HOW HAS THIS CONCOCTION ESCAPED ME FOR SO LONG? I should have listened more in Sunday school.
So here I am running and sweating and drinking only for the water to turn right into sweat that stings the chaffed skin under my eyes from rubbing plum-colored bags waiting for that genie to come out and grant me sleep. Sprinting. Violating my body's every signal to chill the **** out, like I've ever listened.
And honestly- I think it spooked the bees. I think they froze in fear over the tossing and jostling of their home.
I stop to breath, to **** in more anxiety, so I must run more.
So I run, and breath and stop to heave in more anxiety then run some more.
And I run and will run until I think of some better way or hear some better advice or die or whatever makes you comfortable with this line - what do you want to hear? Fade? Vaporize? Stop?
Well now I'm exhausted and drowning in the water I drank. Thanks.
For now I'll be the world's greatest actor. The charlie chaplin of masochism!
You were right all along, it's all under my control. I could've pretended long ago!
Any other ideas?
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 5:49 PM UTC
Stardust traveled nonillion miles
Life struck, all somehow
All to let me see your smile
All to kiss you upon the mouth
Beautiful, Good Earth spins and spins
Day and night, allow
To hold your hand [a considerable win]
To hold you close, my guiding shroud.
Oh bird sing sweet, mellifluous melodies
And for my love, endow
A tree who's branches wrap round thee
A tree that's fast, fearless of flounce
Season, oft, may change its cloths
But see me, lough
Deep, deep down- koi and Thoth
Deep, deep down, thy heart I house
Traveling Universe without destinations
I find it all, now
To be a thing of thoughtful, [marvelous] creation
To be a journey, in and out
No matter how many words one uses
The thoughts, ideas, avow
My simple truth, because of you (Miss)
I was lost, but have been found.
Feb 14, 2016
Feb 14, 2016 at 2:26 AM UTC
Take me off the pedestal
I am not what you see
That man's a miscreation
It's what i'd like to be
Take me off the pedestal
For it is far too high
For if I trip, slip, or fall
You'll think I was a lie
Take me off the pedestal
One cannot comprehend
To think 'tis where I stand
Make me not king, but friend
Take me off the pedestal
I've never felt so wrong
But please, oh please keep me in
your heart- that's right where I belong
Feb 5, 2016
Feb 5, 2016 at 12:14 AM UTC
Deep down Sand Man shakes
my mighty mind, controlled,
~
that phantom dance moves, takes
my shivered spine, ahold.
Skitters sweetly- with a kiss -
ethereal to my sullen-soul,
~
that phantom dance, oh the bliss;
my hopeful heart- it stole
Silver-tongued sun arose my eyes,
burdened body- cold as stone;
~
that phantom dance, oh the lies:
lost lover dreams atone.
Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 12:15 AM UTC
We have no fear
It's freezing here;
In our little town called truskadeer
So walk at night,
Carry cash in daylight
If it's wrong, here- it's alright
Difficult to pass the snow-
Criminality is no go.
Go ahead, ask Johnny Black-toe
In terms of violence
There is no sense
Their wounds will freeze over hence
With so many massive banks,
Robbing one? Yeah, no thanks!
The chill's not worth any franks.
And those ghosts,
The twilight hosts,
Frozen over or to the coast!
So come on here
To truskadeer;
for those ill-fated, quite a cure.
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 8:35 PM UTC
We walk through the park
We walk without thought
We walk as if only
We are two, but one heart
-
She holds my hand knowingly
She holds my hand instinctively
She'll hold my heart
Death will only do us partly
-
He sees my eyes cheery
He sees my pulse rise
He'll see me for what I am
And holds tight for what i'll be
-
So the drum beats on without reason
So the flute shall play it's mellifluous melody
So the thoughts that swirl in our minds
Shall walk with you and me
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 10:27 PM UTC
Betwixt all the lights
Through all the sound
Mother nature doth whisper
"Slow the **** down"
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 10:27 PM UTC
Five syllables here
Seven more syllables there
Are you happy now???
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 5:19 PM UTC
You know those really really really long events you had to go to as a kid. Ridiculous stuff- like family reunions, or church meetings or just plain ol' being dragged along? Sometimes fun stuff- road trips (if you fancied them), Disneyland or whatever equivalent, or to family you actually liked.
Leaving at sunrise and returning as bats and owls start to yawn and pull up their sheets. That time of night.
After a long day of this and that and that and this. Well, I wish I could relive one of those drives back. Laying down in the back of the car if you had lots of space, wrestling with the seat-belt buckles on your back; or constantly trying to re-position your head against your window or that uncomfortable and non-ergonomic plastic-type frame next to the door lock and above the handle only to be bounced by the car and woken up.
Long after my brain would give up on trying to sleep in said conditions I'd get into a semi-psychedelic state. Watching the sea of red lights in front of me, ebbing and flowing little dots- each controlled by the movement of the others. To the left a torrential outpouring of bright yellow/white light (blue nowadays with those LED's or whatever). Not a single stop-light in sight.
I often would tilt my head slightly upward, my head against the window causing my vision to vibrate with the tiny, ubiquitous bumps in the road and look at those tall "7" shaped street lights. They'd come into existence as fast as they disappeared in a consistent and wonderful rhythm. Mesmerizing to say the least.
Occasionally the sound of the turn signal would outweigh the subtle 'whirrrrr' of the car and the sound of the road, only to silence after a soft sway in either direction. Slowing down, the beep-beep-beep of the "hey your door's open", and the slight cool breeze worked like a snap to a hypnotized me. Slowly peaking up to regain my bearings- only to continue forward once there was ample juice in the car or less juice in the folks driving.
But now tis' only I who drive. And I drive myself, by myself. Trying to recreate the same feeling while I drive wouldn't be quite smart... And so like those street lights those times have whizzed by without a sound. Only to be appreciated once it stops. They say time goes. No.
truly- time stays, we go.
Aug 4, 2014
Aug 4, 2014 at 11:04 AM UTC
Fantastically fashioned fingers,
running smoothly through hair;
past present post-
Father Time struck by Sand Man's stare.
Heavenly hanging hair,
draping gently over lips;
tantalizing teasing tendrils-
Aphrodite's mien, Venus' hips.
Lusciously loving lips,
smiling softly at wandering eyes;
delirious delighted daze-
Pyramus and Thisbe's kiss--butterflies.
Efficaciously effervescent...
enchantingly endearing...
enticingly euphoric...
exultantly excited...
[Simply] ethereal! Eyes,
diamonds, starlight, life, of Earth, sky, and sea;
bejeweled boundless bless'ed-
If thou were Medusa, stone I'd be so readily.
Simply said Shakespeare,
thou art the sun;
falsely framed fairness-
for the sun is not brightest,
tis You tis You,
my wonderful, beautiful One.
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 4:09 PM UTC