Today my heart grew heavy
By the pieces of a broken promise
Today my chest swelled with regret
At the revelation of your mortality
And so today, I swear an oath
That I will do right by you
I will fill your soul with pride
And make a father’s name eternal
Jun 5, 2020
Jun 5, 2020 at 4:50 AM UTC
What is this anger?
Where does it come from?
What is this hate?
A hate towards the people I love
A resentment for things they’re unaware of
I can’t control it
I can’t keep it in
I let my emotions get the better of me
How do I keep it in?
I feel all their problems quickly becoming mine but,
It’s not my fault
It’s not my fault
I didn’t mean for things to go so far,
For things to get so out of hand
I wasn’t gone for long
And I came back strong
But where did that leave them?
It’s not my fault
I did my best, and do my best
To rectify the mistakes
Mistakes of my own,
And of those I love
But nothing’s happening,
Nothing is changing
Nothing
Is it me? Am I their problem?
What can I do?
Why is it so hard!?
What is this anger?
Jun 4, 2020
Jun 4, 2020 at 4:05 AM UTC
The past is beautiful,
The past is painful
The past is shy,
But it never lets go
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 4:27 PM UTC
Talk less
Think more
Do more
Ok, I’ll think better
Run faster
Eat less
Lose some weight
Ok, I’ll live better
Put in all your focus
Put in all your effort
And do your best
Ok, I’m going to do my best
Actually focus
Actually try
Do better
I am trying, I just can’t
Think about everyone
Don’t just think about you
Get over yourself
I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry
Don’t be so slow
Don’t talk so much
Just listen to what I tell you
I can’t keep up, I’m sorry
Enough talking
Apologies mean nothing
If you’re a repeat offender
You know I forget, I’m sorry
Why is it still happening?
Why can’t you listen?
Why are you still like this?
I don’t know, I’m sorry
You’re pathetic if you don’t know
You’re nothing if you haven’t learnt by now
You’ll always be nothing
I know, I’m sorry.
I wish I could be better.
I’m trying, but I don’t think I make things better for anyone.
I don’t think I should stay.
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 4:19 PM UTC
I’m spiralling.
Heading nowhere but down,
With each curl getting tighter,
And the pull getting stronger.
I’m losing control,
In a way not typical to most.
My emotions evade me.
I’m numb.
I held them in for so long,
And felt them slowly going deeper,
But I couldn’t bear to retrieve them,
Before they were gone.
Now, only remnants remain.
I speak of immorality with such disdain,
Only because I’m ashamed.
Ashamed of who I was,
And who I’ve become.
I can’t help but be critical,
Because everything I do holds weight.
Not just on myself,
But on those around me.
A weight that I’m struggling to carry.
I’ve already dropped so much,
And so I remain stationary.
Immobilized by the fear,
The fear of losing more.
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 6:47 AM UTC
Here I go again.
The pressure slowly rises
While teasing back to the times of old.
Times of excitement
Times of ease
Times of happiness
But the happiness fades,
As the darkness sets in.
The pain grows stronger,
As the weight piles on again
Here I go again,
Countless nights of lost sleep,
As those thoughts slowly creep back in
I lay here, petrified
With tearful eyes
And Emotions running high
Reminiscing in the past,
Only in regretful moments.
Thinking of the future,
Only images of despair.
How much longer do I have to pretend?
Is it all really worth it in the end?
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 6:46 AM UTC