On occasion,
I have been driven to acts of extreme nonviolence
by those who have expected the opposite of me
There is nothing quite like
the sound
of a father's dismay
at his son
who refuses to strike him
despite his deepest wishes,
Or the relief in a girl's voice
after promising,
without her asking,
to never abuse her.
I think something is wrong with me.
For I am only violent in my music.
Is grunge what life is suppose to feel like?
Is that what my best friend hears
every day he shuffles past
loose bottles and snapped belts
to crawl into bed,
hoping to not distrub the presence
which gave him life?
A presence still snoring out the whimpers of his little brother?
Did my dad hear bass tabs
when he told his abused siblings that
"there ain't no way I'mma treat my children like he did us?"
I wonder,
does he still hear them?
Are howls and chords what the boys in bathroom stalls
playgrounds
hallways
classrooms
my bedroom
my porch
my basement
hear when they make me taste the ground?
Can the violence of soundwaves really be mistaken
for the passage of time?
Does life truly deserve a Grammy for
Best Harrowing Performance?
Is life really just one big mosh pit?
...
On occasion
I have been driven to acts of extreme forgiveness
by those who deserved only a little
All they had to do was ask
and that is what scared them
Dec 13, 2014
Dec 13, 2014 at 5:58 AM UTC
I see he's okay now, and I have you to thank for that.
I noticed the day he started talking to you
He closed the window to her blog and stopped scanning for the synonyms of his self hate within her self hate
He started waking up and and trying to take me with him
Out of bed
Sunshine does me good.
I'm sorry to say I still haven't woken up.
You make him squirm very very late at night
His 6th and 7th most visited pages are your Tumblr followed by his tag
I am being left behind
No
That isn't the right word
My chain is getting longer and I'm starting to see rust
And my throat is sore
And when I try to hold him at night he just
Thinks of you
And suddenly we're both not 16 anymore
We're not the sum or the byproduct
At least
He isn't
But it's nice to imagine that maybe
I wasn't what took his childhood
It's nice to see he doesn't hold a grudge
It's nice to see you looking back when he's forced to inspect me again
You seem good
I think he thinks you're even better
I wouldn't know
He hasn't talked to me in two months
Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 4:12 AM UTC
The stains on my phone screen spell out your name when prompted
You make the smudges worth a smile
The dictionary does not list Technicolor as an adjective
It should
You have dominated the creative process of every video game in recent memory
How does it feel to mount dragons, **** them, be them?
The coat you gave me should remind me of Cobain and the CDs which grooves are ingrained in my mind
Why does it only remind me of you?
You could convince me to pick up rat poison
If it meant enjoying the high with you
I would stay on the roundabout, always turning
If it meant you could enjoy the stillness
My arms in their circular pattern
And forget about hating yourself until the tires blew
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 12:23 AM UTC
You are the addiction all my favorite bands scream about
I want to go to rehab because of you and lie about getting better
I want your tongue to satiate my withdrawal
I want to pay for every moment I'm away from you
I am willing to beg
I want to believe you are running out
Every day
So I can scramble to see hold taste inject become you
Until my collapsed veins are the bleeding trenches on my back
And my abscesses are the hickies I'm not afraid to show anymore
I want my body to reflect you
Nov 28, 2014
Nov 28, 2014 at 4:41 PM UTC
You haven't told me your life story because I think you're afraid I'll notice the suicides which may or may not line your arms
Your neck
Which really needs to be kissed more by someone who'll at least admire the bruises
It's good to see you're branded by something you can enjoy
Why you let Them make you regret it is something I cannot understand
I won't allow it
Why you won't let me in is something I'll always understand
I don't want to
Your walls have been standing for too long because of things that happened so quickly
I am sorry I'm another addition to the ashlar
I wish there was a hole in the brick marked by my name and hair which still gets in your mouth
I'm glad to see you're not angry
I'm glad to see you were
Nov 13, 2014
Nov 13, 2014 at 11:34 PM UTC