I never held you,
only met you once—
a blurry FaceTime smile
through the screen of someone breaking.
Your name still echoes
in the chambers of my heart.
I asked for pictures,
asked about your therapies,
asked if she missed you.
She said yes.
She said so much.
She said nothing at all
that could undo
the dark she kept choosing.
I offered her light.
A room.
A chance.
A future where you had a mother
who came back for you.
But she blurred the days
until stars and moon meant nothing.
She couldn't see you
through the fog.
I tried to be enough
for both of you—
enough to help her
see your little hands
as a lifeline,
not a burden.
But she let go.
I held on too long.
Not to her,
but to hope—
that you'd be her reason.
That love might dig her out
when logic couldn’t.
You were never the problem.
You were the light.
The small, glowing miracle
she left in the dark.
And still,
I think of you.
Jeremiah.
Jerbear.
Sweet boy with a story
written before you could speak it.
Maybe you’ll find me someday,
when you're older,
when the past starts to ache.
I’ll tell you
how I tried.
How your mother did love you—
in a way too bruised to be safe.
In a way too broken to hold on.
But I never stopped thinking
you were worth it.
And I still believe it now.
Mar 23, 2025
Mar 23, 2025 at 6:56 AM UTC
Little morgue baby come out to play
I swear I won’t leave or go away
I came to this graveyard with all my dollies today,
I’ll play with Malorie and you can have Rei.
Little morgue angel why do weep?
Is it because you cannot sleep?
Ill sit here I won't make a peep
You just lay here and I'll watch you
I promise to be sweet
I’ll just wait here for you sorrow sweet angel.
Little graveyard girl what happened to you?
You look all ****** and bruised!
Please graveyard girl don’t scream at me
I just want to help you! Please let's leave!
Small cemetery child why does it smell;
Like rotting flesh and toxic waste?
Please let me help tie your lace
Your body looks so damaged and broke ,
It's making me choke
I don’t understand why you stay in this place!
I’m trying to help you get out,
Yet your eyes are so dull
They won't sparkle at all
And you’re sitting in the dirt, like a garden gnome would
Afraid to get up afraid if you could
Churchyard princess it’s time to go!
Why won’t you leave?
The cross is melting
Please come with me.
I can’t stay here anymore, this place will make me fade away;
These other kids they don't want to play
They think I'm ***** they think I should get out of the way
Please don’t abandon me!
Maggots feast on your dress
And I know I can't go home
Feeling so cold
No one will feel the same about me
I can’t stand the thought of being alone.
Burial ground baby you’re starting to rot!
Little morgue girl please stop!
Before I leave and fade away, stuck in this cemetery prison
Before he is risen
I haven’t even had time to play a single game with you.
My graveyard girl has forgotten about me
She left and got stranded out in sea
I knew she would have been safer right here next to me
Now all I believe
Is that she really truly needed someone to save her from her own decomposition that was seldom never right
She's faded away and now I don't know if she found the light.
They took me away, separated our faith and now she will forever never remain
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 12:36 AM UTC
There was no magic manual that was given when you gave birth to me
But if there was you would have failed miserably
Even if the answers were written in dark red ink
They wouldn't have given anyone time to think
That maybe the magic mannual that came for me is wrong
Because nothing is fixing me it's taking too long.
But if that magic mannual was real
It would tell them I didn't need fixed
If there was a guide book on how to help
It would tell them to breathe with me
If there were check lists on what to do
Would they have even gone through
With helping me or was I just the enemy
It shouldn't have taken a doctor
It shouldn't have taken a stay
It shouldn't taken anything
Besides them just spending one day
Talking to me helping me working with me side by side
I was too young to bare the weight of wanting to die
And that's why even if the magical manual did exist
My parents wouldn't care. They would be ******
That the efforts they were already exhausting wasn't enough
They didn't have the energy for me
They just wanted to use tough love.
But I was a fragile gentle child
Who needed a hug.
I know there's not a magical manual
And especially not for me
But why did my parents give up so tirelessly
When I was struggling endlessly
Complex and matter of factly.
My magic manual mediates the troubles in face.
If it were real maybe I would have gotten some grace.
My magical manual says it there in the fine print
This little girl came with a few dents.
Mar 5, 2025
Mar 5, 2025 at 10:26 PM UTC
You were taught that love was earned not given
Power and control secured affection
Competing for a section of security
Survival was a piece of you, you gave to me.
I know I can't take away the pain
Because your grandfather gave it to your mother to send my way.
It hurts me to think
That once upon time,
You were just someone's baby too.
Just like I am to you.
And you always wanted better for me.
Financially there was more stability
But together we erupted violently
Volcanoes crying spitefully
Scared to ignite the rivalry
You told me that the world won't take care of you, unless you hide your own vulnerability, make yourself useful, you'll have more opportunities too!
The markings run so deep, I stand by the family tree
I beg him to tell me the secrets. I need to understand the story.
These branches hold generations of survival, feelings that don't hold glory.
Unconditional love is conditional
Nothing is reciprocacal if you don't show your worth it- in the end. It's important for your survival to stay undeniably valuable to attain any kind of sustainability, my friend.
I didn't speak
I just let the tree whisper to me
Taking in the breeze between the branches
I heard him tell the tragic tale of each members past transgressions that later got imbeeded into my own actions.
Can I escape the fate of surviving the roots that are within this tree.
Or will I become a branch, forever bound to grow in the same direction.
Seen, but out of reach
Losing touch with affection.
I hope to find that I can be my own seed.
Move close by,
but away from the original family tree
Mar 5, 2025
Mar 5, 2025 at 10:07 PM UTC
The greenery of this place never fooled me
The sky just looks so fake,
the clouds are drawn on.
Im at the park on the swings
I need to feel something in my stomach before I waste away at the young ripe age of 5
Just 8 years later getting fingered on the same slide I was afraid of as a little girl
The wind from the past keeps the swings on the playground moving higher
Doing the things that are bad for me
Just to feel lighter
When I'm 15 I have no place to be
No one and nothing to call home
Not even my body is somewhere I know.
I pop a xannie for the thrill
Hoping that stranger I messaged will take me away from the godforsaken place
This stupid park that holds me so captive.
Run away can't face what is happening
In my head, I'm already dead
Nothing is real
take a Xanax
I only like doing the things that are bad for me
I only like feelings if they're going to make me bleed
I don't care about the context
Of my universal insignificance, I can't even repent. Sitting here on the floor. Higher than the swings ever brought me.
Crashing harder and harder each time I speak.
I can't get off the swing.
Feb 23, 2025
Feb 23, 2025 at 12:09 PM UTC
And if my body was my home
Id burn it and everything to the ground
Rebuild it bit by bit from ashes
A home you cannot touch
A home you have not haunted.
One that's safe and peaceful free from your ghost
A brand new body
That your soul no longer hosts
My body cannot be a home
But maybe if I dig you out
And remove your grave from my heart
I will finally have a body that I can rest peacefully in when I die
Instead of letting it rot from the inside out, while I'm alive.
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025 at 9:42 PM UTC
What if God was the serpent all along
He is all knowing
he gave free will to Adam and Eve knowing she would eat the apple from the forsaken tree
Which shows that he has it out for me
The deal was sealed that very night
I shouted I scream and cried
I wanted the love I wanted the help
From the "all knowing" "all loving" "all powerful" omnipotent being
Begging for his heavenly father to use his Devine power to rescue me
Only to be left stranded and abandoned
The holy Father prays on our downfalls
And deceives us more than Lucifer, the fallen angel ever could.
The holy Father grins at our dispair.
He kept letting it happen to me even as I cry out and plea, multiples times over
God told me unholy little girls can't get into heaven
He watches the world burn and lets the devil take credit for his glorious destructive ways.
Haunted by guilt, consumed by shame
A little girls cherry bleed bright red For the game, right under a cross i beg and and I try, I ask god if he can close his eyes but he will condemn me for life
This time forced to live in eternal fear
The holy Ghost is not near
I cannot atone for sins that aren't mine
I will not be forced to abide.
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025 at 9:28 PM UTC
When I was in 1st grade I would jump off the swing set just to feel alive
I got a lot of attention because the other kids thought I could die
Maybe I was lacking some sort of Imbalance chemically in my mind
Because the attention they gave me Was a new type of high
I illicit reactions just so I can feel fine
Blood is in the sink I think I can finally see the light
I want to feel the wind between my arms And lift into the air just one more time
The attention is addicting
Thick eyeliner and a black boobie dress
12 years old and they say I'm not filled out quite yet
I enjoyed the validation the old men gave me
Blood red, pill dead
Just like the pretty cigarette girls on TV said.
stuck in this loveless hole until somebody saves me.
Self destructive, enable the pain
Turn the corner and play their game.
I only want to what's worst for me.
I illicit reactions just to see
The emotionally intense delivery
Oh you should see your face,
And in the frown you gave me.
I'm just a liar now
No one hears my screams
There's blood in the sink and no one is listening
Lower middle class middle school ***** stealing pencil sharpeners every chance I could get
The blood is on my clothes and its not coming off
And I'll still send that old man a picture of my body
As I leek blood, draining it like a hobby.
He ignores my pain to fulfill his selfish pleasures knowing he gets to see a pubescent body with ******* on
I only like doing the things that are bad for me.
I illicit these reactions to keep the attraction
If I'm in control and I know their intentions, they can't hurt me
It can't happen
But there's still blood in the sink
God I'm so tragic
Wouldn't you think?
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025 at 9:16 PM UTC
The walls are caving in,
but I can’t remember if I built them or if they’re just the ghosts of where I’ve been.
Your name is the ember in my chest—
I’m always burning,
but I can’t figure out why yet.
I wear your touch like a tattoo
etched into my skin
but it’s fading,
and I wonder if I can really feel it anymore
or if I’ve just learned to forget the ache.
My hands tremble like an abandoned house in a storm,
looking for something to hold,
but everything I touch slips between my fingers
like time,
Like memories,
Like all the parts of me I forgot and can't remember,
And like all the people who promised to stay but never did.
I was naive to think love was the key
to unlock this bottomless abyss inside my ribs and inside my chest,
but now I'm just fading away,
like the echoes of voices I never wanted to hear but make me feel so much less lonely.
I fill the silence with smoke
and stories that don’t belong to me—
Or perhaps stories that were lived through my eyes but I can't actually see.
I’m running from the ghosts of myself,
but they don’t let me go.
They pull me back to that place,
In that house
where I learned that pain is the only thing that ever feels real.
The higher I go,
The more I feel,
The greater the risk
the harder I crash.
But I can't stop.
I only let the blood mix with the rain.
I beg the sky for answers,
but the clouds never speak,
Forcing my to gather my own perception of peace.
I wanted to be saved.
By anyone other than myself
I wasn't ever taught to fly
But I learned to jump
And I jumped so high I found a cloud
One far away, one that's a lot less loud.
It's safer up here
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025 at 9:07 PM UTC
Violated-
and yet to be vindicated, the pieces of me that have been stolen and never returned, still haunt me when I close my eyes.
Isolated-
from my mind, unable to access and find the proof of my memories that were left behind. The walls I built to keep the pain from finding me, have become the prison that fuels my decay
Only-
fragments remain, a broken mirror scattered on the floor. Seeing myself in parts, dripping blood as I piece myself back together, to never remain as before
Lingering-
in the shadows of my thoughts, I search for solace in silence, but the echoes whisper softly in my ear, spinning in my mind.
Empty-
heart and empty mind, crush the pills and scrape it in a line. Just a release to keep your ghosts away from mine.
Never-
will I be the same. Each small event had a role to play. Making me sick thinking about their game. The void is deeper than I can explain.
Crashing-
waves of doubt and regret pull me under, suffocating the last remnants of who I thought I was. But in this water, I cannot see. Forcing my eyes shut to avoid the pain of the salt sinking in.
Endings-
are not what I fear. It’s the thought of never having a chance to begin again, the weight of knowing my worth and understanding what safety really is. My heart is violent just like you. My mind unsafe too. Yet i couldn't be violent the way you do.
Feb 19, 2025
Feb 19, 2025 at 12:38 PM UTC