We wonder in the desert
In search of the mirage of dessert
Searching for that which satiates
But does not sustain
Our broken hearts are broken clocks
But there is a compass that leads the flock
Deep inside peace does abide
If we just stand still
Let the beasts from every corner sound their trumpets shrill
For the angels all surround us
But not with mighty sword
The earth shakes when David’s Lyre plays it’s resounding chord
Heaven and hell are at war
But victory for the armless and the lame
Will show us all the mercy that Jesus is his name.
None shall harm us.
As long as it is in God we trust.
Amen
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 3:27 AM UTC
To the pen
That became the blooms of ink spreading across every page
To the tears that created tributaries for conduits
Which became the atlas to my heart
I’m not sure how life has become so strange
But I know that the ink is running through my veins and I am being held
But I flow freely like the tears that silently became rose petals of liquid metal
Apr 3, 2021
Apr 3, 2021 at 11:42 AM UTC
I was born without life
It was taken from me by the very vessel that fed me.
Science gave me another chance where fate had already written me off.
I had my body taken from me before I ever knew it was mine.
At the very same time my faith was taken from me because man had told me so.
I was born to a child, who was sold to a man twice her age for drugs.
Her hostage meant her home.
She herself ran from pain.
Never being able to perceive where her fears would take her next as she suffered so much pain.
She managed to marry a drug addict who beat her and her children everyday for 8 years straight.
I endured a mock kidnapping from the very man who would later take my body and faith.
I found myself burying the fear of clowns which arose from when I was just 6 at 17 when I rediscovered what had happened.
10 years later I would have to revisit that experience all over again when being robbed at gun point by clowns.
I am done running from any fears.
I am here to live my life and be present.
I belong to myself and no one else.
I am here to love and be loved and there is nothing that can stop me from protecting those whom I love most.
Mar 27, 2021
Mar 27, 2021 at 2:52 AM UTC
You only gave me a name
Just like my father before
But like that man
Staying was never in your plan
And loving me was a chore
I always thought it was me and nothing more
I bore holes in my soul bearing my heart
Knowing **** well what my father taught me from the start
We would have to part
You left before I did
I stayed close to your ghost
As close as you can get to a silhouette that hid the man I thought I loved
The man who continuously shoved me away
The worst part was I prayed
I prayed for god to make me lovable
To make me good enough
I prayed to not cry to just try to be tough
But alas God granted my wish
He led me to this
With all of the love I have for me
A sense of self and dignity
You betrayed me
But I played myself
Because I thought my worth was in you or my dad or someone else
Now I feel sorry for those wasted days when I wasted away
Hoping to be someone that I didn’t let be
Mostly, I just want to thank you for what you couldn’t give me
Which was my identity
Feb 8, 2021
Feb 8, 2021 at 1:18 PM UTC
I don’t say bye for now
Now I say Good bye
I won’t wish you farewell
I’ll say well I tried
Because I know I did good and well
When I was by your side
But you made my life hell
So I had to run and hide
I thought the sun was burning me
But it was all a shame
If you feel burnt
Then know I feel the same
But I don’t have the blues
But sometimes I wanna sing
But not for you
Because it would only make your ears begin to ring
As winter is growing near
The cold doesn’t sting
Because I see a future
And the warmth it will bring
I can’t look back at you
And what was our decay
Because I’ve got more than enough to sustain me on my plate today
As for the loss and the nothing that remains
I wish you well
I don’t care if you feel the same
And one more word if I may
I’m looking forward to giving you back your name
Because I am Ceridwen
I am Shiva
I am the Phoenix that you tried to extinguish
I am Pandora’s Box
that you tried to open and shut like a case of cold feet
I am the puzzle you couldn’t complete
but you only saw me as a missing piece
Dec 17, 2020
Dec 17, 2020 at 3:56 PM UTC
Midnight fell on your face
As you brushed the flower surprise from my thighs
I blushed as laughter lit across your smile
A memory just moments ago
But I thought I’d write it anyway
While we were sitting here
I love you my dear
My darling, my friend
I’m glad to have you near all day
my love has no end
If I’m not present
You can find me in heaven
Ascending in bliss
Dec 6, 2020
Dec 6, 2020 at 11:51 PM UTC
There’s so much that I can’t begin to say.
Nov 10, 2020
Nov 10, 2020 at 9:40 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel like I am doing everyone a great disservice just by being alive
When I reflect on this I feel almost narcissistic
My existence is not that impactful
All of these thoughts bring me an inner grief
As I would not say these things towards another person
I want to filter my inner monologue
My thoughts can almost bring me to tears when I am trying to focus on a present task at hand
Ruminations of misery come over me at random
I want to be emotionally well
Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020 at 7:52 PM UTC
The blinds are cracked just enough
For a sliver of the streetlight
To illuminate your empty side of the bed
You’re not that far but the stairway
Leads to rejection
The air conditioner muffles my sighs
But the silence is interrupted by the sporadic chirping of the smoke detector that’s batteries are dying.
The sound is reminiscent to a canary in a coal mine.
Aug 17, 2020
Aug 17, 2020 at 12:58 AM UTC