I had to walk away from you.
I was fearful of what you were offering,
perhaps because you offered it once before,
that this time, I could not make myself accept,
that there was a possibility that you had changed.
You came promenading into my life,
turning it upside down, condemning me to become
an ocean of every single emotion, that I had padlocked
away, promising me, that this love was unlike any other.
And it was. Jesus Christ! I fell so fast! In a blink of an eye, I had surrendered everything that was me, to you.
I found myself wading in the deep color of your eyes, sinking in the depths of what you gave me.
I let you pour your broken pieces on me like rain.
I let your broken promises seep into my skin.
I let your lies intoxicate me, until I was so drunk on you,
that I did not know who I was...
It wasn't enough for you. I gave you the parts of me so dark, that they tainted the remaining light in my body.
I bound my trauma and put it in your hands, because you said you could make it seem, like it had never touched my body, or soul.
I handed you my trust, my love, my ego and my selflessness, just to watch you put it on the shelf collecting dust, your ignorance and abandonment.
You left me on my knees in the dark, begging for scraps of you.
I became less of a person, waiting for you to love me.
I watched you, shut me out of your life, no glimmer of hope, with no return in sight.
You kept me locked in your shadows, hoping that I had not recognized that you, you simply found another.
The prison that I was trapped in, began to fill with water, and I couldn't bother to save myself, because I had thought, for only a split second that you would come back and save me.
You had the key in your hand. I watched from the bottom of the darkness as you tossed it away, and me along with it.
It was only when I kicked my way to the surface that I realized that you were never really there.
You were a figment of the pain that I sought to control but couldn't get ahead of.
You were my dark fantasies and secrets, flashing out in the open for all to see.
I created you, because I couldn't love me.
I sought you out because I couldn't control my pain.
I clung to you because you were made of the same dark material, as my soul.
In the end, it wasn't me that wasn't enough for you...
Your darkness was never enough to drown me.
May 28, 2023
May 28, 2023 at 5:40 AM UTC
I want to hear you say my name..
I never knew, that a name could be caressed.
But your lips run up the spine of the vowels,
making me crave your touch desperately.
May 7, 2022
May 7, 2022 at 7:32 AM UTC
I don’t know if you ever heard me,
When I would tell you that I don’t need
You to fix me.
I have only ever asked you to love me
Broken while I mend the pieces.
It has only ever been about you.
And I am human, I bleed too.
But in my haste to always put you first,
I have forgotten myself entirely.
And now I am broken beyond repair.
We have moved from bad to worse,
From worse, to ruin.
Everything that we have built is in ashes
Around the center of what we’ve become.
When did it become this war between us?
Look how far we have fallen from our grace.
It’s become lethal, and now, nothing will be the same.
You have taken pieces of me dear.
You have taken the best pieces of me,
And turned them rotten, only to sew
Them back into my skin.
My spirit is broken,
And you! You have gotten everything you’ve wanted.
Was it everything you hoped it would be,
When you looked into my eyes
And fired the shot that killed me?
I am broken, and yet I still breathe.
I can no longer look at you,
When I do, I see all the things,
I wanted us to be.
I no longer look at you with adoration.
Maybe you will hear me now,
When I tell you,
That there is nothing left to fix.
Dec 5, 2021
Dec 5, 2021 at 4:04 AM UTC
I cannot remember what day it is,
or how this came to be.
All I know is that I fell in love
with Australia, irrevocably.
I've never been hit so hard,
I've never fallen this fast,
But the way he looks at me with
those eyes, there's no going back.
It's not the way he talks,
but its the way he says my name,
That makes me believe in forever,
or that he'll change my last name.
I'm scared to move,
I'm scared to breathe,
What if this man is an Illusion?
A dream within a fantasy?
My heart is pounding faster,
he is holding out his hand.
I close my eyes and take it,
giving love one last chance.
If I am dreaming,
please don't wake me.
If I have died in my sleep,
please...don't bring me back.
Having found him,
is a freedom I thought I'd never have.
Looking at him,
is my heaven.
Don't take me away from that.
Aug 27, 2021
Aug 27, 2021 at 12:27 AM UTC
I didn't like you when we first met.
You rubbed like a cheese grater, against my nerves.
I was just fine, with the weird
"I hurl insults at your face, today" friendship
that we created.
I was okay hating you,
because the more I did,
the more I realized that you were a lot like me.
which annoyed me completely.
then one day,
out of left field,
You literally let **** hit the fan.
You threw a pipe bomb,
on our functional friendship!!!
It was all,
"Aww I think you're beautiful,
I think about you constantly,
I need you with me,
blah..blah..blah"
No! I didn't take it well!
I raged like a tornado!
it was like you threw a wrench
into the washer when it was on
empty and spin cycle.
Who does that?!
But you know....
it hit me, why I reacted so aggressively....
you said it first!
you got to tell me
the one thing,
that I was scared
to tell you all along.....]
I LIKE YOU!!
Aug 21, 2021
Aug 21, 2021 at 7:52 AM UTC
I remember the curve of your lips when you would smile
but I cannot remember the sound of your laughter.
I have a movie reel playing in my head
of all the memories we made.
But the sound of your voice is lost in
the depths of my memory chamber.
I remember the way that my heart felt full
and I knew what it was like to be loved.
But the ending of who we were
shadows the memory
of us.
If you ever loved me,
is the question that often comes to mind.
I ask myself this because
looking back on everything,
I cannot remember a single time
that you ever closed your eyes to kiss me.
What I remember is the way you would reach
for my hand, but yours would begin to shake
and you would let go.
I remember the nights I would cry myself to
sleep and you were wide awake next to me.
you never held me, you never reached for me.
You ignored the sound of my pain.
I remember that after awhile,
being in the same room with you,
felt the same for me as being alone.
I tried to get you to notice.
I tried to get you to care.
But you checked out,
you were gone.
And all that we were,
was suspended in air.
Aug 16, 2021
Aug 16, 2021 at 6:21 AM UTC
I was lulled into this false sense of hope.
What I received was not what I wanted.
I had prayed that if I had closed my eyes,
and opened them, then my world would be set right.
But all that has changed is my innocence.
I have gone from child to teen,
from teen to adult, from adult to monster,
and from monster, to a whisper.
And with this constant ringing in my head
I can no longer hear my own heart beat.
I want to go back for a moment.
I want to go back when, my life made sense.
Where I had you, where my family was alive,
and I didn't second guess, the nature of who I was.
I don't want to go back, because I hope for
things to turn out differently.
I want to go back, and be in those moments.
There were moments, seconds if you will,
that I didn't truly live in.
My regrets are too many, and I live in them.
I want to go back to say my goodbyes, to love
those that I took for granted and I want to let
them know, that I miss the world they created
for me, while they were here.
Feb 19, 2021
Feb 19, 2021 at 4:34 AM UTC
The problem isn't you,
it's me.
I know that its the one phrase,
you're not supposed to say.
But no excuses,
because it really is me.
its me,
because I fell for you knowing
the kind of person you were.
its me,
because I allowed myself to care
for someone who doesn't
care for me.
its me,
because I wear my heart on my sleeve,
and hand it to those,
who would rather see me bleed,
than ever give me a chance.
its me,
because I knew who you were but I still
fell for you, anyway..
Feb 19, 2021
Feb 19, 2021 at 3:49 AM UTC
You had me at hello, with your hallow love.
You had me enchanted by your beautiful lies.
I wanted your love so badly, that I let myself
Live with your sins.
You surely had me all figured out, you knew
Me in the most vulnerable ways, that no one
Else dared to venture.
The things I hated about me, all my insecurities,
You made them disappear from view.
You knew my never-ending lists of fears, &
How the insomnia would set in at night.
Even when I managed to find sleep, my nightmares
Interfered with any peace that I had left.
But still you were there...
Slowly & silently, I started to lose pieces of my
sanity, and I could feel parts of my soul break within me.
Yet I stayed because I thought this could be fixed.
The fairy-tale I worked so hard to write,
Became ruined with pieces of the reality of all we were.
The Harshest thing I have ever heard you say,
Is that you couldn't love me, broken this way.
What way is it, that you can’t seem to handle?
I’m broken because I tried, to be the perfection
You wanted me to be.
Despite everything I have done for you, it’s not
Enough for you.
You cannot love me broken,
But I am broken because of you.
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 2:49 AM UTC
I lay in my bed,
While thoughts of us drift
in and out of the consciousness
of my mind like holes
within a dream catcher.
When you take my hand
And hold me, we are like
Stars at night, in the
Galaxy far above the world
We live in.
With your hand touching my face,
And your lips on mine,
Together we burst into a
Supernova.
We burn so bright that the
Gods far above us,
Kneel down to feel the warmth
Of all that we are against
Their fingertips.
You and I, we are an extraordinary phenomenon.
Two heathens paired together
To make a perfectly balanced saint.
In a world unwitnessed of miracles,
Let us be a beacon of hope,
A reminder that true love is real,
But that a love like ours is rare.
Nov 6, 2020
Nov 6, 2020 at 10:38 AM UTC